Also, as foreigners, we genuinely wanted to understand how the system works here. In our minds, the US has always been a place where children’s rights and safety are strongly protected, and if something goes wrong, there are clear mechanisms to resolve it. But in this situation it feels like we will just leave quietly, and everything that happened will go completely without consequences for the school. That part is very hard to accept.

You must not read the news at all. You haven't read about ICE yanking kids away from their families? The school-to-prison pipeline? The states that have no exception for rape when it comes to abortion for teen girls? Those big yellow school buses? You know there aren't seatbelts on them, right? You're so funny with your American fantasies of rights and safety.

Lina2025 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They took your son to a podiatrist - I bet your son wasn't doing whatever he was supposed to on a regular basis and that's why his problems kept coming back during the week. Did your son understand the language he was being given?

No, that’s not the case. This is a boarding school — there is a full-time nurse whose job is to take care of students’ health needs on a daily basis.
After reviewing the Zoom recording between the nurse and the school administration (which they didn’t expect me to receive), it became clear that they were overwhelmed with seasonal illnesses and simply didn’t want to deal with my son’s toe properly. That’s why they repeatedly suggested that I “take him home for treatment.”

When I asked for basic weekday support — either daily care or at least letting him use the prescribed ointment — the nurse told me to remove him from school instead. For a child who barely speaks English, leaving school for an undefined period would mean falling behind academically and socially, which is not a reasonable solution.

So no, this is not about my son failing to follow instructions — it’s about the school refusing to provide appropriate care during the week.

He's 12. He should be capable of putting ointment on his toe once or twice a day and wrapping it. Do you think 12 yr old ballet dancers have their mommies caring for their feet? No, they handle it themselves.

Anonymous wrote:That’s young for boarding school. Get him out now. Contact Parents League ASAP and see if they can help get him pms ed in a day school in the city.

That should say “enrolled.”

I'm the mom of two boys who posted above.

It's not a good excuse but sometimes at places that are really fairly safe (expensive areas without crazy parents who try to steal kids from the other parent), people don't think to create rules until there is a crime or incident. That doesn't make it okay. It's just how people behave when they feel safe. US schools have been getting a lot more secured in the last 20 years. My kids' public schools are mostly locked all day now but 30 years ago they wouldn't have been. Schools with day students who are self-dismissing might also have looser rules.

Regarding immersion for language learning, maybe just coming home and relaxing with after-school TV and movies would be a more relaxing start (you could choose educational programs). Your kid may need decompression time from doing school in a foreign language. I'm more familiar with high schoolers doing home stays and going to school in other countries. Even that is rough. At 12, maybe in a public school there are some clubs where he can make friends. When I was an 8th grader in a US public school, I had a friend from Japan and a friend from Germany. They seemed to be doing okay with English, despite only being in the US a few years.

Can you maybe get recommendations from last year's school?

That’s young for boarding school. Get him out now. Contact Parents League ASAP and see if they can help get him pms ed in a day school in the city.

Lina2025 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised you didnt take him to a doctor yourself on one of the weekends. Minute clinic or something. Infected toe is a big deal.

+1

Urgent Care wasn’t the right place in this case. He needed a professional podiatrist, and it’s almost impossible to get an appointment with one on weekends. We consulted with our family doctor as well, followed all his instructions, and treated the toe at home. Eventually, after I asked several times, the school did schedule a podiatrist appointment. So the medical situation was monitored — but definitely not handled properly from the start.

Bring him home or drive up, get a hotel room and take him yourself

Anonymous wrote:They took your son to a podiatrist - I bet your son wasn't doing whatever he was supposed to on a regular basis and that's why his problems kept coming back during the week. Did your son understand the language he was being given?

No, that’s not the case. This is a boarding school — there is a full-time nurse whose job is to take care of students’ health needs on a daily basis.
After reviewing the Zoom recording between the nurse and the school administration (which they didn’t expect me to receive), it became clear that they were overwhelmed with seasonal illnesses and simply didn’t want to deal with my son’s toe properly. That’s why they repeatedly suggested that I “take him home for treatment.”

When I asked for basic weekday support — either daily care or at least letting him use the prescribed ointment — the nurse told me to remove him from school instead. For a child who barely speaks English, leaving school for an undefined period would mean falling behind academically and socially, which is not a reasonable solution.

So no, this is not about my son failing to follow instructions — it’s about the school refusing to provide appropriate care during the week.

Go get him. How is this even a question?

Anonymous wrote:I hope this isn't a situation where you left your far-away country to place your child somewhere you were told was a feeder to an Ivy. Families who do boarding schools well generally have a much better understanding of what it entails than you, and know how to communicate before issues turn nasty.

There are so many great public and great private day schools in the US, OP. They offer a good education for your children, without closing doors for any university.

We actually live in New York and pick our son up every weekend. We chose a boarding school specifically because they offered a strong English-language support program for international students, and our son’s English was very limited when we arrived. We believed that being immersed in the environment would help him learn the language quickly and feel more confident.
The school also has an excellent rating (A+ on Niche), which is why the situation was especially surprising for us — we really thought we had found a good, supportive place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised you didnt take him to a doctor yourself on one of the weekends. Minute clinic or something. Infected toe is a big deal.

+1

Urgent Care wasn’t the right place in this case. He needed a professional podiatrist, and it’s almost impossible to get an appointment with one on weekends. We consulted with our family doctor as well, followed all his instructions, and treated the toe at home. Eventually, after I asked several times, the school did schedule a podiatrist appointment. So the medical situation was monitored — but definitely not handled properly from the start.

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell is a 12 year old in boarding school? 14 is bad enough. This is insane.

He’s in a boarding school only five days a week — we pick him up every weekend. We made this decision as a family because his English was very weak, and we believed full immersion Monday–Friday would help him adapt much faster. He actually wanted to try this experience himself, and we thought it would support his language progress.

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck is your TWELVE year old in boarding school? Take him out and put him in public until you can find a day private you like better. Use the Zoom recording as leverage to get your tuition back if that's important to you.

He’s in a boarding school only five days a week — we pick him up every weekend. We made this decision as a family because his English was very weak, and we believed full immersion Monday–Friday would help him adapt much faster. He actually wanted to try this experience himself, and we thought it would support his language progress.

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised you didnt take him to a doctor yourself on one of the weekends. Minute clinic or something. Infected toe is a big deal.

We actually did consult with our doctor, and the boarding school has a professional nurse and physician who are supposed to monitor students’ health. They also took him to a clinic. The situation I’m describing happened very recently — just within the last few days.

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to go to boarding school?
Have him go to a private day school wherever you are currently living?

He actually isn’t away full-time. He stays at the school Monday through Friday and comes home on weekends. We chose this option because his English was very limited when we arrived, and we felt that full immersion during the week would help him adapt and learn much faster. He also really wanted to try this experience.

Anonymous wrote:International family here, but one that has lived in the US for many years. That sounds absolutely terrible, OP. I'm sorry you've been treated this way. My kids are in public, but I used to go to a British boarding school. It wasn't great, which is why I would never send my kids to boarding school.

The solutions I would consider are:

1. Move in-bounds for a well-regarded public school system. My kids spent their K-12 in such a place, and they did well.

2. Apply to another private school, but not a boarding school. Not all require a letter of recommendation, and even if they do, you can be honest and explain that he experienced bullying issues in his previous boarding school.

I would not, at this time, waste my time and money on a lawsuit. I would just take my kid out and start afresh elsewhere.

Thank you so much for your message and perspective. We have actually already found another school that we would like to transfer to. The main concern right now is the recommendation letter, because the new private school requires it, and we are worried that the current school may retaliate and write something negative.

Also, as foreigners, we genuinely wanted to understand how the system works here. In our minds, the US has always been a place where children’s rights and safety are strongly protected, and if something goes wrong, there are clear mechanisms to resolve it. But in this situation it feels like we will just leave quietly, and everything that happened will go completely without consequences for the school. That part is very hard to accept.