I think we all want to believe charismatic people are "good listeners" and "nice" but some of the people that everyone is drawn to are not good listeners or even that nice, but they are very confident.

Some people just have charisma. And it is innate. I have seen little kids who all the other little kids are drawn towards and it's not because they're a good listener or whatever it's just they have that certain something.

One of my very good friends is like that. People are just drawn to her for whatever reason. And yes she is beautiful and is a good listener, etc. etc. however, I think it's beyond that.

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty and nice and can have a conversation with anyone

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is being confident, social, at ease and "chill", and there is a form of charisma that's actually toxic. Sometimes it's hard to tell who you are dealing with until it's too late.

This is very true. I think at base it's about motivation and whether the extrovert is coming from a place of actual caring and friendliness, or whether the person is only out for themselves.

Yep. Some sociopaths are extremely charming.

+3

+++++

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is being confident, social, at ease and "chill", and there is a form of charisma that's actually toxic. Sometimes it's hard to tell who you are dealing with until it's too late.

This is very true. I think at base it's about motivation and whether the extrovert is coming from a place of actual caring and friendliness, or whether the person is only out for themselves.

Yep. Some sociopaths are extremely charming.

+3

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is being confident, social, at ease and "chill", and there is a form of charisma that's actually toxic. Sometimes it's hard to tell who you are dealing with until it's too late.

This is very true. I think at base it's about motivation and whether the extrovert is coming from a place of actual caring and friendliness, or whether the person is only out for themselves.

Yep. Some sociopaths are extremely charming.

Anonymous wrote:I think there is being confident, social, at ease and "chill", and there is a form of charisma that's actually toxic. Sometimes it's hard to tell who you are dealing with until it's too late.

This is very true. I think at base it's about motivation and whether the extrovert is coming from a place of actual caring and friendliness, or whether the person is only out for themselves.

I think if you don't have it or learn to have it as a young person, it's very unlikely you develop it later. DS has it and it's amazing and amusing to watch. Both his parents do NOT have it.

Decades ago I was stuck in a Miami airport due to a flight delay. I was around 20 years old. Many of us were seated in the same area.

An older French woman decided to bring up everyone's spirits. She began a general discussion, took pains to bring people into the conversation, got everyone to enjoy an animated and fun discussion. This went on long enough that we all began to smile.

She made an impression on me. Obviously from a cultured and refined background. Beautiful lady, and gracious. They don't make people like that anymore, or I don't encounter them anymore.

That lady most definitely was magnetic. It was a combination of qualities. She knew how to be sociable. She saw herself as being in a position to improve the situation and applied herself to the task at hand. She was gracious, and mannered, and lovely in her generosity and lightness of spirit. Certainly nobody makes any effort to be gracious like that anymore.

I think there is being confident, social, at ease and "chill", and there is a form of charisma that's actually toxic. Sometimes it's hard to tell who you are dealing with until it's too late.

DS has "it" and was born with it. People seek him out and have done so since he was a toddler. He's got a friendly face with a big smile that people can't help but match and that makes people happy when they talk to him. He's outgoing and talks to everybody. And he's very interested in their responses - he genuinely wants to know about people's circumstances. Total extrovert, if he spends too much time alone indoors, it empties his battery.

Anonymous wrote:A good story teller, not reserved, confident but not smug. Nice smile. Attractiveness and $$$ helps

In addition a sense of humor.

Some people just have that “aura.”

I posted in a thread awhile back about getting hit on as a woman in her 40s. I probably have a "magnetic" personality but would never admit it in person. The part about remembering people's names and interests and being a good listener is significant. Also, never ever repeat something that's told in confidence or speculate about someone's private life to others. Coming across as fake or a striver is a bad look but self confidence isn't. Your house needs to be clean and look put together but not overdone. Same with your appearance. You don't have to be stunningly attractive but you do need to be presentable especially if you're female. I was very, very shy as a child and realized in my teens that other people were getting things that I wanted-- namely school and sports recognition and social invitations. I paid attention to what those people were doing and learned how to be assertive without being bossy and how to make other people feel important. I worked on these skills as a young adult and still work on them. I'm rarely the smartest or most interesting person in the room and my life is quite boring compared to a lot of the people I know but I can hold a genuine conversation with just about anyone and I have friends and acquaintances from all walks of life.

They're born with it - it's self-confidence. It's fascinating to me - one time picking DD up from kindergarten, we were walking through the school halls and at least 3 or 4 kids several grades ahead said bye to her, reached out to fist-bump her, etc.

When we were on the train home I asked who all those kids were. She shrugged. I asked another way. A couple were friends with her older reading buddy, but she wasn't sure about the other/s. She has always effortlessly made friends.