My kid put their foot down in 4th grade after several moves that involved 3 different pre-Ks and 4 elementary schools across 4 states. We only moved locally after that staying within school boundaries.

Military family here. 7yo has moved 5 times, lived in 4 countries. Kids bounce. They adapt.

You should stay in the neighborhood where you are now.

Sounds like you guys don't have good judgment. He had a bad experience in PK-1. Then you moved, deliberately knowing you would only be there for a year?? Why would you do that to a kid? Why didn't you rent in the neighborhood you planned to stay in??

Your DH needs to suck it up wrt commute and let his happy kid stay with his school and neighborhood friends at least through elementary school.

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the kid. People who say kids adapt probably are those people who themselves are adaptable (or have kids who are). Growing up my family lived in 4 countries and 3 states. My brother and I did ok mostly, but we were both good at school and sports and that helped a lot. I had friends who did same number of moves and it was miserable for them. No ones anecdotes are going to help as much as your own assessment of your child.

I’m not adaptable and I really thrived moving in 8th grade to a new school. I think it just depends on a lot of factors. Overall you have to do what the family needs, but it seems thoughtless to move after just one year.

Honestly, kids handle moves better than we think — especially when they’re already showing resilience like your 2nd grader did. What really matters is consistency at home and helping them feel secure wherever you land.

That said, I totally get the guilt. When my family was looking at another move, I ended up researching different school options just to make sure the transition wouldn’t feel too heavy. This list of good elementary schools in West Virginia helped me think through things: https://moonpreneur.com/school/e/wv/.

If your child is happy, has friends, and is thriving, that’s already a great sign. Another move isn’t automatically “too much” — it just depends on how supported they feel through it. And sometimes the right school environment makes all the difference.

You’re doing the right thing by thinking it through. Parents who care this much usually make the best decisions.

I moved 5 times as a kid, and I HATED it. Every move it took me several months to make new friends, and in certain places I felt left out for much longer than that.

We purposefully and intentionally did not move our kids, even when it wasn't great for work. My oldest is home from college right now hanging out in our living room with friends she meet in kindergarten.

People are bringing up good points in this thread but the problem is that most of them can't be applied in a vacuum. Each family's situation is different. For example:

1. Kids need stability. This is true! However, how would you assess a family move from DC, which has a very transient population and kids often don't go to neighborhood schools, to a location with a much more settled population where almost everyone attends the local public schools? I know multiple people who made a move like this with kids at the elementary and middle school age, and the goal of the move was specifically "stability." They were tired of living in a place where there was zero guarantee that their kids would attend HS with their elementary or MS classmates, where close friends uprooted and moved away for foreign postings for new jobs with some frequency. So sometimes moving offers more stability than staying where you are.

2. Moving when kids are older is harder on kids because it's harder to break into school groups. I think this is sometimes true but highly dependent on the kid and where you move. Friend groups tend to break apart and reform at MS and again at HS no matter where your kids go to school. Some kids have an easier time breaking into friend groups due to their personalities. Others have hobbies/activities that can provide ready-made friend groups wherever they go (like sports teams, and the better your kid is at the sport, the more true this is. Also who moves as a sophomore in HS to a diverse school that is broadly accepting of outsiders (say an urban school or a private where few students attended the same elementary schools) might have an easier time making friends than a 2nd grader who moves to a school in an extremely insular community where people have no time or energy for a new family, especially since the HS sophomore will have more freedom to make friends on their own whereas the 2nd grader will be almost entirely dependent on parents who may really struggle to make friends in a community like that.

So it's complicated. Each move is different. "Too many" will depend on the move, the kid, the school, where they are coming from, and a dozen other factors that it's hard to summarize into a rule of thumb.

I think it depends a bit on where you’re moving too. This area tends to be a bit more transient and growing. There are new kids every year. But there are communities in other areas where not only did most kids grow up there and never move, their parents and grandparents grew up there too! That’s a lot harder for a kid and very hard for adults, too.

I’d have all the moves wrapped up by 4th grade. That’s when friend groups start to solidify. It’s also when you can really notice differences between what they’re doing and learning in a good school district vs. a not so great school or district. 4th and certainly 5th is when the pace really starts to pick up at higher SES schools and larger schools, so a kid could be behind if moving from a smaller school or a school with kids who aren’t as well-resourced.

It depends on the kid. People who say kids adapt probably are those people who themselves are adaptable (or have kids who are). Growing up my family lived in 4 countries and 3 states. My brother and I did ok mostly, but we were both good at school and sports and that helped a lot. I had friends who did same number of moves and it was miserable for them. No ones anecdotes are going to help as much as your own assessment of your child.

It can depend on the kids, some are just more adaptable and easy going. But I moved in 4th and DH in 6th and it was horrible for us. I think if you move out of the school you need to find a neighborhood with a good group of kids your own kids age so they have instant friends. Do not move mid-year

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents moved twice when I was a kid (3rd grade and seventh) and I found it too much. It meant I didn't have good friends as a kid and that sucked. I'm not deeply resentful or anything but it's not a choice I've made for my own family.

Moving in 7th isn’t the reason you didn’t have good friends as a kid. Many people move then or later and still make good friends.

I know my own history better than you.

Well, as someone who moved six times as a kid due to Dad being in the military, I can confidently say that six was too many.

The thing was Sometimes it would go fine, I'd find someone on the first day of school and be okay. Some moves, I couldn't find any friends and ended up isolated at best, bullied at worst.

And the staff would always assume it was your fault. I got suspended for fighting once when I was defending myself, the kids who attacked me weren't punished. You're new and they don't trust you.

Because of the different states I'd either repeat material or be behind on certain things. Sending grades to college was difficult.

Moves have to happen sometimes, but be really careful, especially in high school.

I moved a lot as a kid and although I’m still friends with most people from my childhood years, I still wouldn’t recommend it. I would get attached to people and then have to leave and start over and it wasn’t fun at all.

Kids do best with stability. You should find where you want to be and barring crisis (job loss, major illness, etc) stay there.