Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister got married a couple weeks ago and I've been kind of sad ever since. It's just the two of us and our parents, and for 30 years we were just the four of us. I love my new BIL but everything just seems like it's changing so quickly and nothing will ever be the same again.

That's it. There's literally no drama, if anything I have a very happy sister and a wonderful new brother. I just don't like change.

Any advice? I would never ever talk to my sister or parents about this bc I don't want them to feel like it's a problem rather than my own internal fear of change.

I hope you’re not the passive aggressive type who is waiting out your sister’s marriage - you’ll be the sisters shoulder to cry on when family stress leads to divorce? I get real narcissistic vibes from your post.

OP here - I don't think they'll get divorced, actually, so no, I'm not.

Jeeze. All I meant was it's a weird dynamic and I feel kind of sad about how my family has changed but I also am happy for my sister and love my new brother.

What’s a weird dynamic is to be so enmeshed with your FOB at age 30 that this troubles you in any way. at 25 I hade my own home, a fiance, and saw my parents ever other weekend for family dinner. They had their own friends, activities, and jobs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister got married a couple weeks ago and I've been kind of sad ever since. It's just the two of us and our parents, and for 30 years we were just the four of us. I love my new BIL but everything just seems like it's changing so quickly and nothing will ever be the same again.

That's it. There's literally no drama, if anything I have a very happy sister and a wonderful new brother. I just don't like change.

Any advice? I would never ever talk to my sister or parents about this bc I don't want them to feel like it's a problem rather than my own internal fear of change.

I hope you’re not the passive aggressive type who is waiting out your sister’s marriage - you’ll be the sisters shoulder to cry on when family stress leads to divorce? I get real narcissistic vibes from your post.

OP here - I don't think they'll get divorced, actually, so no, I'm not.

Jeeze. All I meant was it's a weird dynamic and I feel kind of sad about how my family has changed but I also am happy for my sister and love my new brother.

What’s a weird dynamic is to be so enmeshed with your FOB at age 30 that this troubles you in any way. at 25 I hade my own home, a fiance, and saw my parents ever other weekend for family dinner. They had their own friends, activities, and jobs.

What's a FOB? Friends of Bill?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister got married a couple weeks ago and I've been kind of sad ever since. It's just the two of us and our parents, and for 30 years we were just the four of us. I love my new BIL but everything just seems like it's changing so quickly and nothing will ever be the same again.

That's it. There's literally no drama, if anything I have a very happy sister and a wonderful new brother. I just don't like change.

Any advice? I would never ever talk to my sister or parents about this bc I don't want them to feel like it's a problem rather than my own internal fear of change.

I hope you’re not the passive aggressive type who is waiting out your sister’s marriage - you’ll be the sisters shoulder to cry on when family stress leads to divorce? I get real narcissistic vibes from your post.

OP here - I don't think they'll get divorced, actually, so no, I'm not.

Jeeze. All I meant was it's a weird dynamic and I feel kind of sad about how my family has changed but I also am happy for my sister and love my new brother.

What’s a weird dynamic is to be so enmeshed with your FOB at age 30 that this troubles you in any way. at 25 I hade my own home, a fiance, and saw my parents ever other weekend for family dinner. They had their own friends, activities, and jobs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister got married a couple weeks ago and I've been kind of sad ever since. It's just the two of us and our parents, and for 30 years we were just the four of us. I love my new BIL but everything just seems like it's changing so quickly and nothing will ever be the same again.

That's it. There's literally no drama, if anything I have a very happy sister and a wonderful new brother. I just don't like change.

Any advice? I would never ever talk to my sister or parents about this bc I don't want them to feel like it's a problem rather than my own internal fear of change.

I hope you’re not the passive aggressive type who is waiting out your sister’s marriage - you’ll be the sisters shoulder to cry on when family stress leads to divorce? I get real narcissistic vibes from your post.

OP here - I don't think they'll get divorced, actually, so no, I'm not.

Jeeze. All I meant was it's a weird dynamic and I feel kind of sad about how my family has changed but I also am happy for my sister and love my new brother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, after my sister's wedding, I cried when I got home.
It was because of the change. She was the first of the kids to marry. Our nuclear family was starting a big transition where it was no longer nuclear.
It is inevitable. I guess kind of like kids going off to college. You are happy for them as they embark on a new road but the change is tough for us who aren't on that adventure with them.

This. It's normal, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may be time to reframe at age 30. I have noticed that often childfree adults continue to see themselves in the role of "child" in the world and when they talk about their family, they mean their family of origin. It kind of comes off as arrested development. When you don't go through the shift that occurs when you start your own family, you don't experience the changes it brings to your relationship with your parents and siblings. I think this is a huge consequence of people choosing to not get married/have children.

People should live how they want and no one needs to get married or have kids, but it is interesting to observe as demographics keep changing. It seems to me that it perpetuates an infantilized outlook on life, where the aging parents are still the caretakers and sources of emotional strength for their adult children. Once you get married, your partner becomes that emotional strength source (best case scenario) and when you have your own kids, you sort of shift into a place where you parent the kids while you gradually transition into a role of taking care of your parents (I don't mean changing diapers, more like when you go to their house, you act more like a peer or like you are the one in charge (when it comes to your own kids) and then it goes from there).

The way my single 30something colleagues relate to their parents is baffling to me. Maybe it's just me and I am a stodgy GenXer.

Ugh. This is so prejudiced and clueless re childless people.

Let me present the more realistic scenario: My own.

My siblings have kids. They were very demanding and critical of my parents even as my parents aged. Expecting my frail parents to travel and provide a lot of child care.

Meanwhile, my siblings have never done anything FOR my parents. They hide behind their kid and say they are too busy. Even now, when their kids are in college! You know who does everything for my parents? ME. The childless one.

So no, it's NOT the childless adult kid who winds up being the needy one who doesn't help their parents. It's the opposite. The kids who have kids take and take and take and the childless one gives and gives and gives.

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, after my sister's wedding, I cried when I got home.
It was because of the change. She was the first of the kids to marry. Our nuclear family was starting a big transition where it was no longer nuclear.
It is inevitable. I guess kind of like kids going off to college. You are happy for them as they embark on a new road but the change is tough for us who aren't on that adventure with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister got married a couple weeks ago and I've been kind of sad ever since. It's just the two of us and our parents, and for 30 years we were just the four of us. I love my new BIL but everything just seems like it's changing so quickly and nothing will ever be the same again.

That's it. There's literally no drama, if anything I have a very happy sister and a wonderful new brother. I just don't like change.

Any advice? I would never ever talk to my sister or parents about this bc I don't want them to feel like it's a problem rather than my own internal fear of change.

I hope you’re not the passive aggressive type who is waiting out your sister’s marriage - you’ll be the sisters shoulder to cry on when family stress leads to divorce? I get real narcissistic vibes from your post.

OP here - I don't think they'll get divorced, actually, so no, I'm not.

Jeeze. All I meant was it's a weird dynamic and I feel kind of sad about how my family has changed but I also am happy for my sister and love my new brother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister got married a couple weeks ago and I've been kind of sad ever since. It's just the two of us and our parents, and for 30 years we were just the four of us. I love my new BIL but everything just seems like it's changing so quickly and nothing will ever be the same again.

That's it. There's literally no drama, if anything I have a very happy sister and a wonderful new brother. I just don't like change.

Any advice? I would never ever talk to my sister or parents about this bc I don't want them to feel like it's a problem rather than my own internal fear of change.

I hope you’re not the passive aggressive type who is waiting out your sister’s marriage - you’ll be the sisters shoulder to cry on when family stress leads to divorce? I get real narcissistic vibes from your post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may be time to reframe at age 30. I have noticed that often childfree adults continue to see themselves in the role of "child" in the world and when they talk about their family, they mean their family of origin. It kind of comes off as arrested development. When you don't go through the shift that occurs when you start your own family, you don't experience the changes it brings to your relationship with your parents and siblings. I think this is a huge consequence of people choosing to not get married/have children.

People should live how they want and no one needs to get married or have kids, but it is interesting to observe as demographics keep changing. It seems to me that it perpetuates an infantilized outlook on life, where the aging parents are still the caretakers and sources of emotional strength for their adult children. Once you get married, your partner becomes that emotional strength source (best case scenario) and when you have your own kids, you sort of shift into a place where you parent the kids while you gradually transition into a role of taking care of your parents (I don't mean changing diapers, more like when you go to their house, you act more like a peer or like you are the one in charge (when it comes to your own kids) and then it goes from there).

The way my single 30something colleagues relate to their parents is baffling to me. Maybe it's just me and I am a stodgy GenXer.

Ugh. This is so prejudiced and clueless re childless people.

Let me present the more realistic scenario: My own.

My siblings have kids. They were very demanding and critical of my parents even as my parents aged. Expecting my frail parents to travel and provide a lot of child care.

Meanwhile, my siblings have never done anything FOR my parents. They hide behind their kid and say they are too busy. Even now, when their kids are in college! You know who does everything for my parents? ME. The childless one.

So no, it's NOT the childless adult kid who winds up being the needy one who doesn't help their parents. It's the opposite. The kids who have kids take and take and take and the childless one gives and gives and gives.