Kids at this age just sort of have crazy ideas. Mine has decided she wants to go to UCLA (which she literally knows nothing about). She also expects our whole family to move to LA so she can live with us while in school. I just sort of laugh.

If she is among noise about wanting to stay home, I would just be like “ok, we’ll we can certainly figure that out in a few years” and change the subject.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been there OP although my child was younger. I simply said he could attend school X (local to us college) and he said, “Okay, mummy”. She is young, don’t give this conversation legs.

+1 This is the answer. Don't dwell on it at all.

Agree!!

Also, might be good to get her to an overnight camp or teen travel trip so she’s more independent and confident.

She sounds like she needs an overnight summer camp. A healthy dose of independence in a fun environment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone else's teen scared about going to college? My teen is 13 (almost 14) and really nervous about college. She says she wants to go to a college near us so she can still live with us and be close to us at all times, I found her googling things like "is college similar to high school" and "what colleges are the most like high school" and she seems generally unhappy about that fact that she will be an adult in 4 years.

4 years is an eternity for a kid that age. Why is she even thinking about college that young??

She thinks 4 years is short, she already started worrying in 7th grade. I remember when she was in 7th grade, she used to tell me "I feel so bad for the 8th graders having to go to high school next year" And then in 8th grade, she was trying to savor the year but said it went by way to quickly. She has had trouble adjusting to high school so she (and I) are also worried about how she will adjust to college. College is a big deal to her because she has anxiety and wants to make sure she gets a "good" job and has a "good" life and she just wants everything to be perfect.

Just tell her she can go to college near home and live at home if that’s what wants. She may change her mind, she may not. My sister went to GMU because she didn’t want to leave home, though she did live on campus.

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone else's teen scared about going to college? My teen is 13 (almost 14) and really nervous about college. She says she wants to go to a college near us so she can still live with us and be close to us at all times, I found her googling things like "is college similar to high school" and "what colleges are the most like high school" and she seems generally unhappy about that fact that she will be an adult in 4 years.

4 years is an eternity for a kid that age. Why is she even thinking about college that young??

Anonymous wrote:It will change. For my son, it would have been nice if it had flipped a little sooner. He was terrified of college well into junior year, and it was very difficult to have any sort of conversation with him about prospective colleges. He finally turned the corner spring of Junior year and applied ED1 at a college 3 hours away.

Good points too. My son talked about possibly going to community college or delaying college for a while. We didn't push or talk about it much. He is a senior now and accepted and going to a college several states away. He is excited about it. He totally changed by the end of junior year.

Anonymous wrote:If you sent her to Madeira for high school, she won't be scared to go to college. The day students watch girls as young as 13/14 years old take care of themselves. They see how girls that are developmentally appropriately dumba$$es are successfully living away from home.

This is not necessary. The maturing will happen on its own.

If you sent her to Madeira for high school, she won't be scared to go to college. The day students watch girls as young as 13/14 years old take care of themselves. They see how girls that are developmentally appropriately dumba$$es are successfully living away from home.

My DD is a junior in HS and many of her friends feel the way you described probably because they don’t know what they want to do with their lives let alone think about college. It can be a big scary unknown.

She’s 13! Even if almost 14, so much changes between now and actual time to apply to college. Don’t worry about it now, and don’t push the discussion.

I would just tell her that her feelings are totally normal because kids her age aren't ready to go away to school. But that she will be a different person in a few years and will probably feel ready.

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell her to get off the internet and focus on the present moment.

I agree.

For years our son said he wanted to go to College near us and live at home, but once he hit 17 he said he wanted to move to Arizona or South Carolina.

He's in College now 2hrs. away from us. (In-State)

My dd wanted to go to college cross country (in CA), applied to schools there, and when time came to decide, she ended up going to our flagship, It's like she wanted independence, and then reality and logistics hit her. So you never know. And now still she thinks the prospect of being an adult IS terrifiying, despite doing well in college, having a job. It's being on your own, not having the comfort and safety of home. It all hits kids hard despite these kids often having so much more help and emotional and financial support than many of us did. All the talk about AI replacing people, job scarcity and cost of living are not helping either. You just have to sort of put one foot in front of another and keep going, and most of all stay grounded in the present: Classes now, sports/activities now, and not forget to enjoy your teen years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell her to get off the internet and focus on the present moment.

Yes, I agree that screen time isn't a good solution. She either focuses on the past (Oh I wish I were back in 7th or 8th grade where everything was so easy or elementary school where we still got treated like kids) or she focuses on the future (Mom i'm gonna live with you and dad no matter what ok?! OR I don't want to be an adult yet, I'm not ready)

I have a daughter just like this. She is 14.5 and a HS freshman. I think it helps her a little that she has an older sister who is fearless (or at least acts that way.)

I just reassure her. “Of course you can live at home and go to Mason if you want to. You may change your mind though and that’s ok too. Wait and see how you feel then.”

Rinse, repeat.

Life IS scary when you really think about it.