As a coach and a parent of a teen DS athlete, do not attempt to force him to play. It will be misery for you, for him AND the team and that’s just a waste of everyone’s time.

That said, I would tell him that you need to know WHY he doesn’t want to play—you need a reason beyond “he just doesn’t feel like it.” You said he didn’t play at the last school so maybe it’s a he’s not good enough or he’s afraid of embarrassing himself or the team is a tight knit group. Or something else. It’s important to find out what’s going on.

I also think it’s important to say that you made this a stipulation for changing schools because you felt it was the best way for him to make friends so if he doesn’t play the sport, he must join a club or get a PT job. If he opts for club or job, have him look at his options and talk with him about how to make that happen.

Your kid is 16. It's time to let him express his own interests. This isn't about quitting, it's about coming into his own. He isn't 12 anymore. You need to roll with his change of interests and let him move toward adulthood. It's only two years away. Let him figure out who he is instead of you telling him who he has to be.

Many hs teams are well established and unless he is the best player, it will be hard to break into the group. It is not fun to be the outsider and a good chance it could kill his self esteem

Don't force him.

My son is also 16 and I cannot imagine how I could force him to play a sport if he was truly opposed to it. Encourage him, yes, not force.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He agreed to play the sport so I am inclined to insist that he honor his promise.

hmm. was the deal that you would only allow the school change if he played a sport at the new school?

That was a part of it, yes. He didn't make enough connections at his first school which was part (not the only part) of the problem so yes, I do not want this to happen again. If I thought he would join yearbook, debate, or a club that met more than once in a while that would be fine but he will not. I was very clear that he needed to play a sport if he moved and he was in complete agreement. Easy to say then, harder now of course.

If he didn’t make connections through the sport at his old school, why do you think it will be different now? You practically forced him to agree. Why would you say he cant switch schools unless he joins a sport? I don’t think you should have done that. Let him figure out what he wants to do. I would have no problems enforcing he isn’t allowed to play video games all afternoon every day- but past that he can find what he likes or get a job.

Clubs are way better than a sport.
You meet more different types of people. There are even D&D clubs, NHS, music theory clubs, language clubs, and he could start a club. And you don't need to practice or 100 % attendance. They are more flexible. I can't understand why people push for sports and not clubs when kids aren't interested in sports.

Anonymous wrote:^ and I will say my kids met more social connections with teens at those PT jobs than they ever did at anything else.

That was going to be my suggestion too. My kid is actually quitting a sport after a couple preseason sessions. I’m a little disappointed, but ultimately, I don’t want him to be miserable for the whole winter. He can go to the gym to get exercise.

^ and I will say my kids met more social connections with teens at those PT jobs than they ever did at anything else.

I would not force him at 16. It’s really hard to join a new team at that age and being there, he may realize that it’s an established group and he’s the outsider. In your mind they will take him in and he has a group of friends. This isn’t tv. He might not make the team or he might have a super lonely season as never fitting in.

After freshman season, both of my very different but athletic kids quit the long time sports they loved because the HS team dynamics were so bad. DH and I were in shock. They decided not to continue with a club/travel team either at that point. We didn’t force them to keep playing.

In time they found other things but they weren’t team sports. A lot of teens stop at some point in HS.

Eventually both got social part time jobs. One got involved in clubs at school. They had to find things. We couldn’t force it.

Yes he needs to play. He signed up and committed and once you’ve done that you can’t back out. Of course he’s gonna cry and claim he will be miserable but hold your ground. He made the commitment and needs to see it through, and ultimately that lesson is important, on top of the other benefits he will get of being active and involved and meeting people.

Honestly, I would not force a 16yo to play a sport. I was very sad when my own DS quit his main sport last year but understood the reasons why (didn’t have any friends on the team, mostly sat the the bench, took up a lot of his time). We told him had to replace the activity with something else(anything- didn’t have to be a sport) & he chose a no-cut sport. He has honored that commitment.

Which seems to be the same thing you are trying to do? Personally, I’d let him choose anything he wishes. But he must choose something and follow through. Maybe agree that if he tries something (probably not a sport, but something like yearbook or a club) for a certain time period, he can quit if he still doesn’t like it? Or expand to allow a part time job or outside volunteer work?

It is hard.

I would not force it. Many years ago my son moved from a private K-8 to public for 9th. He loved baseball and we found out from the HS coach there was an unofficial fall league for returning and interested players so we signed him up. He was all in. After the first practice he begged to quit. He wouldn’t really elaborate but simply insisted he couldn’t go back. DH wanted to force it but I didn’t think this was the hill to die on. The coach was amazing and tried to talk with DS directly but DS still wanted to quit. We agreed. Life went on. All these years later, I’m so glad we didn’t push it.

I would not force him to play the sport. He may be more introverted as he gets into adolescence and that is fine. As long as his grades are good and he doesn't seem depressed.

He probably felt coerced into saying yes to the sport because he was desperate to switch schools.
I have an athletic kid too, amazing swimmer, then just didn’t want to swim anymore at age 12. It broke me. But I let her stop because it’s not her dream to swim. If her heart wasn’t in it why make her. Even though it was hard for me.
She does soccer and basketball now which she loves, but one day she might want to give up one or both and as parents we need to be ok with that. They’re living their life. It’s not our life to live.
So I wouldn’t make him do the school sport OP. Even though you feel like reneged on the deal, which he has. If he’s getting good grades and seems happy, I’d let him be.