Anonymous
Post 11/18/2025 10:47     Subject: School with few toxic parents
Anonymous wrote:It’s totally a private school thing and it’s bizarre. When public school parents look for schools they only care about the quality and reputation of the school itself. They don’t give a shit about the parents because they have no plan to have anything to do with them. They have their own happy and productive lives and friends.

Private school parents approach the decision like they’re joining a country club. To them it’s all about the “community”—meaning are the families rich and special and exclusive enough for me to associate with?

So weird.


One of the principal reasons we moved our sons from the Pyle - Whitman track was so they would be with boys who came from families with similar rules and values. The "community" you don't seem to like has a informal set of behavioral standards, much like a small town.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2025 10:41     Subject: School with few toxic parents
Anonymous wrote:It’s totally a private school thing and it’s bizarre. When public school parents look for schools they only care about the quality and reputation of the school itself. They don’t give a shit about the parents because they have no plan to have anything to do with them. They have their own happy and productive lives and friends.

Private school parents approach the decision like they’re joining a country club. To them it’s all about the “community”—meaning are the families rich and special and exclusive enough for me to associate with?

So weird.


We’ve done both. In general, I think you are correct if we are just talking about HS. But you only need to look at the many threads on the public school boards to see parents are interested in the community at their kids ES/MS. These parents know that having some degree of parental involvement in the lower grades is important.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2025 10:30     Subject: School with few toxic parents
It’s totally a private school thing and it’s bizarre. When public school parents look for schools they only care about the quality and reputation of the school itself. They don’t give a shit about the parents because they have no plan to have anything to do with them. They have their own happy and productive lives and friends.

Private school parents approach the decision like they’re joining a country club. To them it’s all about the “community”—meaning are the families rich and special and exclusive enough for me to associate with?

So weird.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2025 10:22     Subject: School with few toxic parents
The toxic parents find each other at every school. This site is like tinder for that kind fo thing.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2025 05:52     Subject: School with few toxic parents
How much time do you spend with the parents at DCs school?
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 21:42     Subject: School with few toxic parents
Anonymous wrote:Reading the dcum threads I noticed that posters from the top schools tend to be super toxic and hyper competitive. Any recommendation of a good schools but without the drama of parents who think too much of themselves?


Or maybe an international school? Maybe with less Americans, less toxic?
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 21:36     Subject: School with few toxic parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Reading the dcum threads I noticed that posters from the top schools tend to be super toxic and hyper competitive. Any recommendation of a good schools but without the drama of parents who think too much of themselves?

In our small private schools, the parents are super Chile and nice. No competitiveness.


perhaps, but I'd bet that either you haven't met the right ones yet, or their behavior has not yet affected your child, so you haven't noticed. give it time.


Given the current state of the society, it is not surprising. Isn't the society itself is $$ talks? I sometimes wonder the so called "self advocating" means "sharp elbows" and "self promoting". Just make sure your kid is not affected.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 21:31     Subject: School with few toxic parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Reading the dcum threads I noticed that posters from the top schools tend to be super toxic and hyper competitive. Any recommendation of a good schools but without the drama of parents who think too much of themselves?

In our small private schools, the parents are super Chile and nice. No competitiveness.


perhaps, but I'd bet that either you haven't met the right ones yet, or their behavior has not yet affected your child, so you haven't noticed. give it time.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 21:29     Subject: School with few toxic parents
Anonymous wrote:Reading the dcum threads I noticed that posters from the top schools tend to be super toxic and hyper competitive. Any recommendation of a good schools but without the drama of parents who think too much of themselves?


What do you mean by "toxic"? People are very mean here on this forum. Not sure why. They hate when public school parents critique private schools. Or they complain about HOS? Is that toxic? But they might not represent the rest of the school parents. On the other hand, it is shocking how competitive these Big 3(5) schools are and how one has to plan when the kid is in pre-k. And anyone who realize their kids have to go to private school after 4th grade has to sharpen their elbow. This alone is toxic, I think.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 21:22     Subject: School with few toxic parents
Anonymous wrote:Reading the dcum threads I noticed that posters from the top schools tend to be super toxic and hyper competitive. Any recommendation of a good schools but without the drama of parents who think too much of themselves?

In our small private schools, the parents are super Chile and nice. No competitiveness.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 21:19     Subject: School with few toxic parents
Anonymous wrote:Reading the dcum threads I noticed that posters from the top schools tend to be super toxic and hyper competitive. Any recommendation of a good schools but without the drama of parents who think too much of themselves?


This is exactly the wrong forum to ask “who isn’t super-toxic and hypercompetitive?”, though it’s a great question.

For us, we spent as much time checking out the other existing and prospective parents as the faculty. Worth the effort.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 19:30     Subject: School with few toxic parents
Anonymous wrote:Reading the dcum threads I noticed that posters from the top schools tend to be super toxic and hyper competitive. Any recommendation of a good schools but without the drama of parents who think too much of themselves?



Literally none
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 19:19     Subject: School with few toxic parents
WES
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 19:07     Subject: School with few toxic parents
Anonymous wrote:Reading the dcum threads I noticed that posters from the top schools tend to be super toxic and hyper competitive. Any recommendation of a good schools but without the drama of parents who think too much of themselves?


Start with school you think might be good fits for your children—academically, socially, athletically—and then look at commute and financials. Do you want coed or single sex? Religious or non religious? A school that ends in 8th grade or 12th. Large vs small? Once you have a short list based on those questions then you can look a little closer at the parent make up BUT definitely do not base decisions re “toxic parent” levels on anything said on DCUM. Find some friends who know people at the school to get inside intel on the parent community.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 17:54     Subject: School with few toxic parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Reading the dcum threads I noticed that posters from the top schools tend to be super toxic and hyper competitive. Any recommendation of a good schools but without the drama of parents who think too much of themselves?


I am not being glib, but you need to look at public schools. The parent culture you are describing is present at every private school, and it is inevitable given the way that privates are structured economically and socially.

Buy a home in a district with a high end public school and you will get great education and sports (or whatever activity your DC is into) without the toxicity and drama of the parent culture you are describing. In Virginia, I recommend Langley, Yorktown, McLean, and Madison, in that order. I don't know the Maryland publics as well, but someone across the river can chime in with recommendations. I don't think you will find publics in DC of that caliber, but if I am wrong, someone can please share those too.

Best of luck!

This is true.