Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do worry someone who's lived with her parents and never worked doesn't know how to take care of herself at all. Like even a SAHM should understand budgets, home maintenance and such. And other things like, does she do a full share of chores, actually know how to shop, budget, meal plan and cook?

Look I think any adult, male or female, should have these skills, but if her plan is to be a housewife/sahm, she needs to really pull her weight on these issues.

I know quite a few women of my generation (40-50 yo now) who went straight into their husbands’ houses but it was not in the U.S.
for some of them it was an adjustment but they mostly did fine

Anonymous wrote:I do worry someone who's lived with her parents and never worked doesn't know how to take care of herself at all. Like even a SAHM should understand budgets, home maintenance and such. And other things like, does she do a full share of chores, actually know how to shop, budget, meal plan and cook?

Look I think any adult, male or female, should have these skills, but if her plan is to be a housewife/sahm, she needs to really pull her weight on these issues.

Anonymous wrote:My son is 24, our second boy out of four, and our fifth is a girl. He’s been dating a girl who is the same age that he met online almost a year ago and she is a sweet and very attractive young lady, rather introverted, but she doesn’t have any ambition or drive.

She doesn’t have a job and she lives with her parents. She did attend and did graduate from our in state university that’s ranked well (as a commuter) majoring in something art related while living at home. My son graduated in 2023 from CMU with a degree in Computer Science and landed an amazing job later that year and has his own apartment and lives alone. He is a very extroverted, and bright. She spends most of the time hanging out at his house waiting for him to get off work and he has recently told me that she wants to move in with him.

DS has said she doesn’t plan to work but he told me that they want to get married in the future, but, considering her future plans, I’m not sure I want them to get married. Is there anything I can say or do to discourage marriage atleast for now or do I just let DS come to his own senses? How can I tak to my son about this ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is 24, our second boy out of four, and our fifth is a girl. He’s been dating a girl who is the same age that he met online almost a year ago and she is a sweet and very attractive young lady, rather introverted, but she doesn’t have any ambition or drive.

She doesn’t have a job and she lives with her parents. She did attend and did graduate from our in state university that’s ranked well (as a commuter) majoring in something art related while living at home. My son graduated in 2023 from CMU with a degree in Computer Science and landed an amazing job later that year and has his own apartment and lives alone. He is a very extroverted, and bright. She spends most of the time hanging out at his house waiting for him to get off work and he has recently told me that she wants to move in with him.

DS has said she doesn’t plan to work but he told me that they want to get married in the future, but, considering her future plans, I’m not sure I want them to get married. Is there anything I can say or do to discourage marriage atleast for now or do I just let DS come to his own senses? How can I tak to my son about this ?

Personally I am fine with my kids having a SAHM so I don't really see the issue. At least she went to college. I don't think there is anything to say.

Anonymous wrote:My son is 24, our second boy out of four, and our fifth is a girl. He’s been dating a girl who is the same age that he met online almost a year ago and she is a sweet and very attractive young lady, rather introverted, but she doesn’t have any ambition or drive.

She doesn’t have a job and she lives with her parents. She did attend and did graduate from our in state university that’s ranked well (as a commuter) majoring in something art related while living at home. My son graduated in 2023 from CMU with a degree in Computer Science and landed an amazing job later that year and has his own apartment and lives alone. He is a very extroverted, and bright. She spends most of the time hanging out at his house waiting for him to get off work and he has recently told me that she wants to move in with him.

DS has said she doesn’t plan to work but he told me that they want to get married in the future, but, considering her future plans, I’m not sure I want them to get married. Is there anything I can say or do to discourage marriage atleast for now or do I just let DS come to his own senses? How can I tak to my son about this ?

Anonymous wrote:He's an adult, he knows who she is. It's definitely not someone I'd want to marry, but she's being honest about herself with him so it's not like he's being duped.

Ultimately speaking against her is very likely to backfire on you.

Anonymous wrote:I’m shocked at these responses. I think she’s a giant red flag, too. And I’m a stay at home mom! But before that I had a career. Now I run our home like it’s my job. Staying home with kids and a house is NOT the same as her staying at home now.
But not much you can do, other than maybe ask once if she has any thoughts on a job before kids. But just once and you have to ask happy and supportive whatever the answer.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I did go to university and had a career, but we did have a nanny and as our kids became teens, my husband started traveling for work more so I stayed home.

I guess I titled this wrong, I don’t dislike her, just the future plan and how she isn’t as into a career as my son is. I also think he’s too young right now for marriage. As a girlfriend, my son has no complaints about her though. And as a person, she is decent

Anonymous wrote:My son is 24, our second boy out of four, and our fifth is a girl. He’s been dating a girl who is the same age that he met online almost a year ago and she is a sweet and very attractive young lady, rather introverted, but she doesn’t have any ambition or drive.

She doesn’t have a job and she lives with her parents. She did attend and did graduate from our in state university that’s ranked well (as a commuter) majoring in something art related while living at home. My son graduated in 2023 from CMU with a degree in Computer Science and landed an amazing job later that year and has his own apartment and lives alone. He is a very extroverted, and bright. She spends most of the time hanging out at his house waiting for him to get off work and he has recently told me that she wants to move in with him.

DS has said she doesn’t plan to work but he told me that they want to get married in the future, but, considering her future plans, I’m not sure I want them to get married. Is there anything I can say or do to discourage marriage atleast for now or do I just let DS come to his own senses? How can I tak to my son about this ?