Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 18:06     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
Yes totally unreasonable. You are l cheap AF!!!
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 18:02     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
1. You expect her to be “mother’s helper” and it’s apparent, no matter how you try to spin it. Excuses like “ she didn’t do anything last summer” and “she doesn’t have a job” make it apparent that you do not approve of how she spends her summer.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 16:59     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you necessarily mean to, but you come across as very much "I think I am way better than my sister. I'm more mature, have more to offer, have my life put together more than her" etc. You may want to watch how you come off because that's likely contributing to this dynamic. It's hard to get along with someone who thinks they are so much better than you.


OP here. I hear that. I probably am coming across with an attitude right now, because she's been really hateful towards me, while expecting me to just sit there for hours while she complains and vents (daily) and if I'm not extremely vocal about how I support her specific decisions, she gets very upset with me, yells at me, and treats me like crap. She knows my life is not perfect and I've had a lot of my own struggles, but honestly, I've always had to push aside anything I'm struggling with or my needs to give space for her constant crises. She's been through a lot for sure, and so I've been flexible with allowing her to vent, ect. but there's never been any sort of reciprocal care. Without getting too much into the background, I have encouraged her through the years; when she left her ex, through her divorce & custody battle (I moved them all into my home), her passions/hobbies, her wild trips that she has done, while she pursued her bachelor's degree, her college graduation, her idea for a small business, ect. I don't assume I have it all together, but relationships should be reciprocal, not one-sided.


Forcing a teen to go babysit for you for free is unreasonable. They have camps, summer classes, work and friends.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 16:58     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
OP, I'd drop the plans to have your niece attend.
Her mother is not on board. The end.


This is what it comes down to, OP. If you were really counting on her to help out with your kids then that should be a sign to you that you should have approached it as a negotiation. It was clearly not a gift if it came with strings/expectations.

Your sister sounds really reactive. I would just assume she will continue to be volatile and plan accordingly and try not to get upset. Or not interact with her as much as.


I'd be furious. This isn't a gift or a family trip. It's an unpaid babysitting job. No.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 16:57     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
I have a 16-year-old, and it would be a hard no to allowing them to go. You aren't inviting them to be with the cousins; you are inviting them to be the nanny and help you. Not only is it not fun, I wouldn't want them walking around alone as this isn't a family trip by any means if your plan is babysitting and time on their own. At 15, mine had a job paying 17 an hour. Why would they do that for free vs. earning money/saving for college? Take care of your own kids.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 16:52     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
Anonymous wrote:
OP, I'd drop the plans to have your niece attend.
Her mother is not on board. The end.


This is what it comes down to, OP. If you were really counting on her to help out with your kids then that should be a sign to you that you should have approached it as a negotiation. It was clearly not a gift if it came with strings/expectations.

Your sister sounds really reactive. I would just assume she will continue to be volatile and plan accordingly and try not to get upset. Or not interact with her as much as.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 16:18     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
Don't take the niece.
Hire a sitter there you seem to know the area.
Your offer was generous, your sister not.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 16:14     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you necessarily mean to, but you come across as very much "I think I am way better than my sister. I'm more mature, have more to offer, have my life put together more than her" etc. You may want to watch how you come off because that's likely contributing to this dynamic. It's hard to get along with someone who thinks they are so much better than you.


OP here. I hear that. I probably am coming across with an attitude right now, because she's been really hateful towards me, while expecting me to just sit there for hours while she complains and vents (daily) and if I'm not extremely vocal about how I support her specific decisions, she gets very upset with me, yells at me, and treats me like crap. She knows my life is not perfect and I've had a lot of my own struggles, but honestly, I've always had to push aside anything I'm struggling with or my needs to give space for her constant crises. She's been through a lot for sure, and so I've been flexible with allowing her to vent, ect. but there's never been any sort of reciprocal care. Without getting too much into the background, I have encouraged her through the years; when she left her ex, through her divorce & custody battle (I moved them all into my home), her passions/hobbies, her wild trips that she has done, while she pursued her bachelor's degree, her college graduation, her idea for a small business, ect. I don't assume I have it all together, but relationships should be reciprocal, not one-sided.


You sound enmeshed and should probably give your sister some space. You are trying to fix her, and people hate that.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 16:09     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you necessarily mean to, but you come across as very much "I think I am way better than my sister. I'm more mature, have more to offer, have my life put together more than her" etc. You may want to watch how you come off because that's likely contributing to this dynamic. It's hard to get along with someone who thinks they are so much better than you.


OP here. I hear that. I probably am coming across with an attitude right now, because she's been really hateful towards me, while expecting me to just sit there for hours while she complains and vents (daily) and if I'm not extremely vocal about how I support her specific decisions, she gets very upset with me, yells at me, and treats me like crap. She knows my life is not perfect and I've had a lot of my own struggles, but honestly, I've always had to push aside anything I'm struggling with or my needs to give space for her constant crises. She's been through a lot for sure, and so I've been flexible with allowing her to vent, ect. but there's never been any sort of reciprocal care. Without getting too much into the background, I have encouraged her through the years; when she left her ex, through her divorce & custody battle (I moved them all into my home), her passions/hobbies, her wild trips that she has done, while she pursued her bachelor's degree, her college graduation, her idea for a small business, ect. I don't assume I have it all together, but relationships should be reciprocal, not one-sided.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 16:03     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP You are the A*shole.
You can't go making plans for kids that do not belong to you without including the parents first.


OP here. I did not make plans for her without including her mom. She cannot afford a plane ticket for her daughter and so I didn't want to even mention it and possibly hurt her without seeing first if our parents would be open to paying for her flight (they were immediately open to it and thought it was a great idea). I then immediately spoke with my sister, who initially was interested and then sent a message later the same evening.



Wonder what made your sister change her mind? Either way it's her child and she's allowed to do so.
Thank goodness this niece isn't aware of these plans. Not unless your sister has shared.

Keep us posted though
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 15:59     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
Anonymous wrote:OP You are the A*shole.
You can't go making plans for kids that do not belong to you without including the parents first.


OP here. I did not make plans for her without including her mom. She cannot afford a plane ticket for her daughter and so I didn't want to even mention it and possibly hurt her without seeing first if our parents would be open to paying for her flight (they were immediately open to it and thought it was a great idea). I then immediately spoke with my sister, who initially was interested and then sent a message later the same evening.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 15:55     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
I don't think you necessarily mean to, but you come across as very much "I think I am way better than my sister. I'm more mature, have more to offer, have my life put together more than her" etc. You may want to watch how you come off because that's likely contributing to this dynamic. It's hard to get along with someone who thinks they are so much better than you.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 15:53     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
I’ve taken nieces on vacations and paid for everything including plane tickets and activities. In a situation like this I think your sister is obnoxious wanting you to give your niece money for babysitting. It’s not like she’s driving over your house like a job. She will just be hanging out with her cousins.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 15:49     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
OP You are the A*shole.
You can't go making plans for kids that do not belong to you without including the parents first.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 15:46     Subject: Adult sibling drama (2 questions AITA)
If you’ll be traveling for a month, it seems unlikely that your niece would be babysitting as little as you’re suggesting. It’s also interesting that you’re upset your sister “didn’t try to have a conversation” with you about her concerns when it sounds like you made these travel plans after discussing them with other relatives — without checking with her first?