Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 08:02     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
Newsflash, there are better looking, more accomplished, more interesting…you name it…APs out here in the world. Furthermore, this is the wild, wild west…some will aggressively plot on getting men that are taken. The question, OP, is what qualities and strengths (that you are confident and secure about) do you bring to the table? I know you are hurting and you feel insecure about the AP, but when you focus on your own (and your kids’) happiness and accentuate your attributes, you will see that you can get and deserve more. Always remember this DMV is a chess region, checkers doesn’t apply here.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 08:01     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
Anonymous wrote:If you convinced your DH to stay what did you do or say? Was it about the kids or something else? I'm not talking about a midlife crisis affair going nowhere that involves someone way too young with no brains but someone who might be a serious match if he was single and is prettier, more successful, more together. Haters please don't comment and don't ask me why I'd want to be with someone like that.


Because circumstances change but ethics don't.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 07:47     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
Anonymous wrote:If you convinced your DH to stay what did you do or say? Was it about the kids or something else? I'm not talking about a midlife crisis affair going nowhere that involves someone way too young with no brains but someone who might be a serious match if he was single and is prettier, more successful, more together. Haters please don't comment and don't ask me why I'd want to be with someone like that.


Let's talk about your self-esteem.

No person is an "upgrade" over another person. She might be a better fit for him, but a personal "upgrade" offends me, as all human beings have worth.

Now, take a look at yourself and give yourself some love.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 06:53     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
Anonymous wrote:Everyone should grow up enough to understand that if you’re dissatisfied in your relationship, changing the person doesn’t help. He’ll feel the same way with the new woman in a few years. If he’s too stupid to see it, I’m not sure there’s much you can do.



Of course people can be dissatisfied in one relationship and satisfied in another. Your first sentence makes no sense. Relationships are about the dynamic between two people and when you change people you change the dynamic.
That is why people date and break up and meet new people. And if the marriage dynamic isnt working, and the relationship ends, the next dynamic could be much healthier etc. it just shouldn’t end by cheating.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 01:47     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
Anonymous wrote:Everyone should grow up enough to understand that if you’re dissatisfied in your relationship, changing the person doesn’t help. He’ll feel the same way with the new woman in a few years. If he’s too stupid to see it, I’m not sure there’s much you can do.


I think unfortunately, it does help for a lot of people. Maybe not in the long term....but yes it does help.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2025 16:48     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
1. get him to stay
2. talk him into a Vasectomy
3. Dump that mofo.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2025 16:43     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
Anonymous wrote:Everyone should grow up enough to understand that if you’re dissatisfied in your relationship, changing the person doesn’t help. He’ll feel the same way with the new woman in a few years. If he’s too stupid to see it, I’m not sure there’s much you can do.


This is a nutso statement. People can change or do a very good job of hiding who they are. Man or woman.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2025 16:42     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
Anonymous wrote:If the upgrade is someone willing to break up a marriage/family then they are not an upgrade. No matter how young and pretty she is on the outside, if she wanted to destroy or steal my family the inside is pure trash.


This. Insecure, gross people interfere with other people's families to do what feels good to them. Sometimes because they think they are in love. That kind of love is just hormones. Ethics are more important than hormones.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2025 16:36     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
My father married his AP. Honestly, she is an upgrade from my mother.
No kids first marriage adores me, wanted no kids - had none. Has a career. Kept it.

Simply being honest.



Sounds like he very successfully passed along his narcissistic genes.

My mother was an AP too and well married him as well.




Anonymous
Post 11/13/2025 16:30     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
Please Op, you deserve better.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2025 16:30     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
Anonymous wrote:
My father married his AP. Honestly, she is an upgrade from my mother.
No kids first marriage adores me, wanted no kids - had none. Has a career. Kept it.

Simply being honest.



Sounds like he very successfully passed along his narcissistic genes.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2025 16:26     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...

My father married his AP. Honestly, she is an upgrade from my mother.
No kids first marriage adores me, wanted no kids - had none. Has a career. Kept it.

Simply being honest.

Anonymous
Post 11/13/2025 14:46     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
Anonymous wrote:If she is such an upgrade, how is she going to tolerate alimony / joint custody / blended family. She isn't going to tolerate any of those things. So either she walks away from this or she's just not what she appears to be.

If the man is rich enough then many APs won’t care about all this.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2025 14:41     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
If she is such an upgrade, how is she going to tolerate alimony / joint custody / blended family. She isn't going to tolerate any of those things. So either she walks away from this or she's just not what she appears to be.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2025 14:33     Subject: When AP is an "upgrade"...
Anonymous wrote:Most men don't need convincing, especially breadwinners. They don't want to give up half their assets and pay child support and alimony, and they are afraid of solo parenting. Just read those boards. Several men post here to justify and feel better about cheating, but have no interest in divorce.


Correct, though I'd talk him into a vasectomy. Protect the assets.