My biomom did creepy stuff when she made me sleep in her bed.
Kid needs own bed and room.

Too many kids.

DH has a very high-stakes job and a very high earning (seven-figure) job, so I stay home with the kids. Because of that, I spent most of the time with her when she is here,

If he isn’t able to spend quality time with his daughter, he should give up custody time. There's no reason for her to have sit at your house, without either parent, when she's more comfortable at home. Let her sleep at home in her own bed

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you have more children and a more complicated household than your DH can handle.

This. So you’ll soon have five children between you two?!

How’d you bag a millionaire? Do you have a prenup?

If you are the designated SAHP parent, maybe you need to politely exchange these life issues with SD's mom?

Either you buy the headphones or SD's mom does.

Or you work with SD's mom to plan the Dr. appt. even if you don't attend.

Are you on civil terms?

Anything you do for your bio kids without raising it to DH, do it for the SD.

Your husband is something else. A kid sleeping in YOUR bed is none of your business???

Right.

And you’re pregnant. Well, maybe stepdaughter will move back to her bed when you’re waking up with a newborn. Or maybe you just need to custom order an enormous bed so she never has to leave

Anonymous wrote:Is the stepdaughters mom okay with her kid sleeping in your bed?

+1. I would be extremely upset if I heard that my daughter was sleeping in the same bed as her dad and stepmom. That is creepy and opens every one up to liability about sexual abuse, which could result in lost custody.

I would seek to make the bioMom an ally in this. Stop criticizing her for letting the kid sleep in bed with bioMom. Instead say how you understand that it feels like the right thing to do, but you don't think it's appropriate at your house and that DD needs to have some age-appropriate (in a positive not punitive way) self-soothing strategies other than sleeping with a parent. It's better for all 3 parents to get the kid a neutral therapist who can work on anxiety issues and create guidelines for all 3 parents to stick to to get the kid transitioned back to her own bedroom as an issue of age-appropriate self-soothing and independence.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I grew up in a blended family, and this is unacceptable. All kids should sleep in their own beds after 3 years old. You need to move the bed out of the room and stick with your boundaries. He's all bark and no bite, it's not like he's going to leave and you are the primary childcare. You don't have time for this nonsense.
Your main focus should be on the older ones, who are teens and busy with the college transition.

Have him hire a nanny for her.

Anonymous wrote:Is the stepdaughters mom okay with her kid sleeping in your bed?

Except to hang out a ten year old should not be in bed with them.

Is the stepdaughters mom okay with her kid sleeping in your bed?

OP, I grew up in a blended family, and this is unacceptable. All kids should sleep in their own beds after 3 years old. You need to move the bed out of the room and stick with your boundaries. He's all bark and no bite, it's not like he's going to leave and you are the primary childcare. You don't have time for this nonsense.
Your main focus should be on the older ones, who are teens and busy with the college transition.

Anonymous wrote:You have a structural issue and communication issue. Either you are a parent and you will treated as such and your DH will reinforce that with your stepdaughter or you are going to completely disengage from the parent role and will not be taking on any more parental responsibilities for your stepdaughter. Tell him to pick one and hold firm. On the bed issue, tell your DH when she wakes up in the night that he needs to walk her back to her bed and if necessary he can stay in her bed with her if she doesn’t feel safe alone, but she can’t stay in in your master bedroom.

OP tried to have this conversation and it didn't go well. This really doesn't sound like an ultimatum situation if OP wants to stay married.

Ugh yeah I feel bad for SD. Out of curiosity, why are you having another baby?

Your stepdaughter has been forced to share time with her dad since she was a baby. Now there are so many other kids in the mix. He feels guilty and she probably feels neglected.

You have a structural issue and communication issue. Either you are a parent and you will treated as such and your DH will reinforce that with your stepdaughter or you are going to completely disengage from the parent role and will not be taking on any more parental responsibilities for your stepdaughter. Tell him to pick one and hold firm. On the bed issue, tell your DH when she wakes up in the night that he needs to walk her back to her bed and if necessary he can stay in her bed with her if she doesn’t feel safe alone, but she can’t stay in in your master bedroom.