Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 08:16     Subject: Odd situation with the school
I would escalate to the Principal.
This is not about what is written in the IEP - it is about common sense.

Ask the Principal that as leader, how can they help so that this situation does not happen again.

In our school - Principal will back staff 100% - but at least through emails I would create a record and not just stew.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 08:07     Subject: Odd situation with the school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’d tell them your child is to be nowhere near restorative justice.


I mean, the alternative to restorative justice is detention or suspension.


That's a ridiculous response to the events.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 08:06     Subject: Odd situation with the school
Anonymous wrote:I have a 12 yo with audhd. Generally he does fine at school. Recently, he and his friends have been using 'autistic' as an adjective to describe themselves and each other, when they're acting weird. Among his friend group, it hasn't been perceived as an insult and seems to be something of a cultural trend or norm, and in some ways i thought it actually had some benefit as normalizing it in an odd way. Recently however he called his brothers best friend (who is 9) 'autistic'. The 9 year old (who is not autistic) was understandably upset by this. We spoke at length about it as a family and had the 12 year old speak with the 9 year old to apologize. A couple teachers from the school then reached out to us and asked that my 12 year old, as an act of 'restorative justice', watch a video about what it's like to be autistic, and complete an exercise outlining what it feels like (per the video) and why it might be hurtful to be called autistic. These teachers didn't loop in any of my child's usual team. I found it baffling, given that my child has been there since he was 2 years old, that they didn't think to check first with anyone, and pointed out to them that asking an autistic child to watch a video about what it might feel like to be autistic, and then complete an exercise about why it would feel hurtful to be called autistic, was obviously not a good idea. Instead of admitting this, the school doubled down and said there were resources in what they'd sent that would be useful, and asked us if we 'object' to the exercise, to then suggest something 'more appropriate'

I have found this chain of events to be..... suboptimal.

Less asking for advice and more venting, to be honest. I'm sure we'll end up in a good place with an appropriate exercise for him but the whole thing has just been complicated and a little weird.


I was going to say I can't fathom the level of stupidity that it would take for a TEAM of school staff to suggest this but I quickly remembered the insane comments/conversations I had with my dc's school admin particularly at IEP meetings. I am so sorry you are dealing with such amazingly clueless and uncaring school staff. They deserve an award for this one.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 06:47     Subject: Odd situation with the school
This would be like a black child telling a white child that the white child is acting black, and the white child being upset.

The 9yo needs to be the one understanding autism. The 12yo needs to understand it’s good to be so proud of his autism he and his friends openly discuss. The 9yo was upset, because he felt like he was being called “weird.” 12yo should watch a video on what it’s like to stick out when you’re trying to fit in. Then write an apology about calling someone out on that.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 05:59     Subject: Odd situation with the school
I don't know what the solution for your dc is, OP, but I will say- my dd, who is dx asd, finds that kind of use of 'autistic' insulting.
She says, I would not do something like that (the thing that is being called 'autistic'). She gets upset at videos where people do this also.

Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 00:09     Subject: Odd situation with the school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’d tell them your child is to be nowhere near restorative justice.


I mean, the alternative to restorative justice is detention or suspension.


I’d take the before school detention for however long it would take to watch the video.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2025 23:55     Subject: Odd situation with the school
Give her some materials on ableism.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2025 17:16     Subject: Odd situation with the school
Anonymous wrote:I’d tell them your child is to be nowhere near restorative justice.


I mean, the alternative to restorative justice is detention or suspension.