Dumb as a bag of hammers.

You're as helpful as taste buds on an assh0le.

Madder than a box of frogs

Madder than Mad Max MacMad

(these are two of my favorite insults)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently heard "You're dumber than a day-old donut," and maybe it's the alliteration, but I am really loving it. Your turn!

That doesn't even make sense. Sounds like what the PreK kid of a cop would say. You need to up your game. Start with some "yo momma" jokes and work up from there.

Humor dryer than a day-old donut.

The best part of you ran down your daddy's leg.

Bless your heart! Every trash can truly has its own lid, right?

"You are the puss-oozing, festering abscess on the a**hole of humanity"

I recently heard this about a group of people (all men in this case) who were super confused or unable to move forward on a big work project: “these guys are just sitting around choking on their own dicks.”

That was so crude and I loled to hard

“Gosh it’s so nice to finally meet you/ I feel like you’ve been a part of our families life for so long now- how nice to get to now out a face to a name. I have to admit- I’m so grateful you and xxx found one another. I’m not too proud to admit I might have been petty or felt spiteful about xxx’s infidelities; had you been, say, younger, or prettier, or wealthier than me. I’m so grateful now that I’ve met you, I can just love you! BLess your heart”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shakespeare was the all time master of creative insults.

Yes! I have the Shakespearean insult coffee mug with a list of insults wrapped around it. It’s hanging next to the grumpy cat mug. Not sure what that says about me ..but I digress.

Some listed:
"Thou art a boil, a plague sore"
"beetle-headed flap-ear'd knave"
"Away, you three inch fool"
"Thou artless fen-sucked foot-licker"
"I am sick when I do look upon thee"
Oh gull, O dolt, As ignorant as dirt"
"lump of foul deformity"

I have this mug too! It makes me laugh.

I like to throw out “scurvy knave” when I get the chance.

Anonymous wrote:The only people doing yo mama jokes these days work in the White House.

Why you being so racist?

My favorite was always a printed novelty business card that said "You are cordially invited to go f*** yourself" in fancy cursive font. It wasn't really a joke per se, but I got a good laugh from it.

The best insults are usually lewd, for shock value.

The only people doing yo mama jokes these days work in the White House.

Yo, Mama's so fat she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out.