Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 20:16     Subject: Re:I feel weak-is it normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Cheating is not the reason for divorce. Nothing will change for the better for your kids or you on the other side. You’ll meet even worse men who were divorced by their wives for that same reasons on the other side- cheating , abuse , financially unsound.
Better to stay and try repairing what you have. Particular if he’s a good father and provider


I agree. Cheating is just not a reason. It is not. People who scream divorce for cheating alone are idiots and don't understand divorce. You don't have to sleep with him. Divorce if you can afford it and you think your kids lives will not be that disrupted. Some divorces are truly awful. Some are less disruptive and fine. Whenever you bring cheating into a divorce, you get the horrible kind for kids. They don't need to know. That is worse than cheating.

I'm divorced. My kids lives are not very disrupted. I would not have divorced over cheating. I divorced for other reasons that in my opinion are far worse.


I am the person cheated upon and it is very painful-feels like someone died..
And then comes anger-and how do you deal with the fact that if confronted they will accept and be willing to reconcile? Only because they are caught?
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 13:20     Subject: Re:I feel weak-is it normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lots of APs on here will advocate for cheating and calling weak. Yet they are settling for a cheater and trying their damndest yo get him to leave you. He won’t.


My grandfather in Russia was a great father, husband and very accomplished - the director of school, the war hero, local party leader. My grandmother was a beauty and also a professionally accomplished doctor. She was able to land him as second husband after her first divorce and WWII when highly functional men were in high shortage. They de-facto lived in an open marriage, each taking separate vacation "to relax" in the summer to Crimea. She could support kids on her own, but wouldn't even think divorcing him for philandering. Once even a woman popped up at their house claiming she had a son from my grandfather. My grandmother kicked her out.
They were married for 40 years, until he died. She never remarried. My mother still keeps his loving, tender letters to her while my mom was in college. He was the absolute best father and husband.
Well, maybe not the absolute best father for the son his wife kept him from knowing.


He didn't participate in AP's decision to keep the baby, and it not mutually desired or planned
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 13:19     Subject: Re:I feel weak-is it normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lots of APs on here will advocate for cheating and calling weak. Yet they are settling for a cheater and trying their damndest yo get him to leave you. He won’t.


My grandfather in Russia was a great father, husband and very accomplished - the director of school, the war hero, local party leader. My grandmother was a beauty and also a professionally accomplished doctor. She was able to land him as second husband after her first divorce and WWII when highly functional men were in high shortage. They de-facto lived in an open marriage, each taking separate vacation "to relax" in the summer to Crimea. She could support kids on her own, but wouldn't even think divorcing him for philandering. Once even a woman popped up at their house claiming she had a son from my grandfather. My grandmother kicked her out.
They were married for 40 years, until he died. She never remarried. My mother still keeps his loving, tender letters to her while my mom was in college. He was the absolute best father and husband.
Well, maybe not the absolute best father for the son his wife kept him from knowing.


He supported the boy financially but as he had no real connection (besides sex fling) to his mother, he had no interest in the boy.Nobody was keeping him from the boy, Men only love kids from the women they love. Sex is separate
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 13:19     Subject: I feel weak-is it normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
All these Doormats with excuses to stay put with liars.

Yuck!


Yea, OP should proudly give up her kids house equity, pension savings and future college education for AP and her husband happily producing the next set of babies


Do you!
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 13:18     Subject: I feel weak-is it normal?
Anonymous wrote:
All these Doormats with excuses to stay put with liars.

Yuck!


Yea, OP should proudly give up her kids house equity, pension savings and future college education for AP and her husband happily producing the next set of babies
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 13:17     Subject: Re:I feel weak-is it normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lots of APs on here will advocate for cheating and calling weak. Yet they are settling for a cheater and trying their damndest yo get him to leave you. He won’t.


My grandfather in Russia was a great father, husband and very accomplished - the director of school, the war hero, local party leader. My grandmother was a beauty and also a professionally accomplished doctor. She was able to land him as second husband after her first divorce and WWII when highly functional men were in high shortage. They de-facto lived in an open marriage, each taking separate vacation "to relax" in the summer to Crimea. She could support kids on her own, but wouldn't even think divorcing him for philandering. Once even a woman popped up at their house claiming she had a son from my grandfather. My grandmother kicked her out.
They were married for 40 years, until he died. She never remarried. My mother still keeps his loving, tender letters to her while my mom was in college. He was the absolute best father and husband.
Well, maybe not the absolute best father for the son his wife kept him from knowing.
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 13:16     Subject: I feel weak-is it normal?

All these Doormats with excuses to stay put with liars.

Yuck!
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 13:14     Subject: Re:I feel weak-is it normal?
OP needs to figure out if this is a situation where he would leave her and his kids for this other woman, or if this is a sex/fun thing that won't fundamentally change his sense of where he belongs. My worry for her if she sticks around is that he might be the one to demand a divorce from her, and she'll be caught off guard. For all we know, there are things he could point to in their marriage that make OP the "cause" of their marriage falling apart.

Plenty of men who cheat could easily claim abandonment by their wives who refused to sleep with them for years before the wife has a chance to file for divorce against them. OP wants to make sure she is the one setting the terms of the battle when the divorce comes.

Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 13:13     Subject: Re:I feel weak-is it normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lots of APs on here will advocate for cheating and calling weak. Yet they are settling for a cheater and trying their damndest yo get him to leave you. He won’t.


My grandfather in Russia was a great father, husband and very accomplished - the director of school, the war hero, local party leader. My grandmother was a beauty and also a professionally accomplished doctor. She was able to land him as second husband after her first divorce and WWII when highly functional men were in high shortage. They de-facto lived in an open marriage, each taking separate vacation "to relax" in the summer to Crimea. She could support kids on her own, but wouldn't even think divorcing him for philandering. Once even a woman popped up at their house claiming she had a son from my grandfather. My grandmother kicked her out.
They were married for 40 years, until he died. She never remarried. My mother still keeps his loving, tender letters to her while my mom was in college. He was the absolute best father and husband.

2 people who had zero respect for their vows or to children they had created. What a cause for celebration!


Did my grandfather's AP have respect to herself or him? Of course not! She was just in for his resources. My grandmother just told her out blank: "do you expect me to gift you my husband just because he put his P into you? "
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 13:11     Subject: Re:I feel weak-is it normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lots of APs on here will advocate for cheating and calling weak. Yet they are settling for a cheater and trying their damndest yo get him to leave you. He won’t.


My grandfather in Russia was a great father, husband and very accomplished - the director of school, the war hero, local party leader. My grandmother was a beauty and also a professionally accomplished doctor. She was able to land him as second husband after her first divorce and WWII when highly functional men were in high shortage. They de-facto lived in an open marriage, each taking separate vacation "to relax" in the summer to Crimea. She could support kids on her own, but wouldn't even think divorcing him for philandering. Once even a woman popped up at their house claiming she had a son from my grandfather. My grandmother kicked her out.
They were married for 40 years, until he died. She never remarried. My mother still keeps his loving, tender letters to her while my mom was in college. He was the absolute best father and husband.

2 people who had zero respect for their vows or to children they had created. What a cause for celebration!


Not at all: my mother and her sister grew up into highly functional, successful, healthy adults. If 2 spouses live by the rules they created in marriage it's nobody's business.
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 13:02     Subject: I feel weak-is it normal?
Anonymous wrote:OP think and act like a man. I am telling you from experience. I have zero regrets breaking up my "family" when my ex wife cheated. Your life will be better off and with minimal cooperation with your hopefully ex-husband your kids will be okay. Put your kids center stage and you f will find solutions. Don't listen to the people here who are stuck and using their kids as excuses for still staying married to a piece of sh**t cheater.


You sound like a selfish POS.
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 13:01     Subject: Re:I feel weak-is it normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lots of APs on here will advocate for cheating and calling weak. Yet they are settling for a cheater and trying their damndest yo get him to leave you. He won’t.


My grandfather in Russia was a great father, husband and very accomplished - the director of school, the war hero, local party leader. My grandmother was a beauty and also a professionally accomplished doctor. She was able to land him as second husband after her first divorce and WWII when highly functional men were in high shortage. They de-facto lived in an open marriage, each taking separate vacation "to relax" in the summer to Crimea. She could support kids on her own, but wouldn't even think divorcing him for philandering. Once even a woman popped up at their house claiming she had a son from my grandfather. My grandmother kicked her out.
They were married for 40 years, until he died. She never remarried. My mother still keeps his loving, tender letters to her while my mom was in college. He was the absolute best father and husband.

2 people who had zero respect for their vows or to children they had created. What a cause for celebration!
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 12:23     Subject: Re:I feel weak-is it normal?
Anonymous wrote:Lots of APs on here will advocate for cheating and calling weak. Yet they are settling for a cheater and trying their damndest yo get him to leave you. He won’t.


My grandfather in Russia was a great father, husband and very accomplished - the director of school, the war hero, local party leader. My grandmother was a beauty and also a professionally accomplished doctor. She was able to land him as second husband after her first divorce and WWII when highly functional men were in high shortage. They de-facto lived in an open marriage, each taking separate vacation "to relax" in the summer to Crimea. She could support kids on her own, but wouldn't even think divorcing him for philandering. Once even a woman popped up at their house claiming she had a son from my grandfather. My grandmother kicked her out.
They were married for 40 years, until he died. She never remarried. My mother still keeps his loving, tender letters to her while my mom was in college. He was the absolute best father and husband.
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 11:36     Subject: Re:I feel weak-is it normal?
Lots of APs on here will advocate for cheating and calling weak. Yet they are settling for a cheater and trying their damndest yo get him to leave you. He won’t.
Anonymous
Post 11/12/2025 11:23     Subject: Re:I feel weak-is it normal?
Anonymous wrote:Cheating is not the reason for divorce. Nothing will change for the better for your kids or you on the other side. You’ll meet even worse men who were divorced by their wives for that same reasons on the other side- cheating , abuse , financially unsound.
Better to stay and try repairing what you have. Particular if he’s a good father and provider


I agree. Cheating is just not a reason. It is not. People who scream divorce for cheating alone are idiots and don't understand divorce. You don't have to sleep with him. Divorce if you can afford it and you think your kids lives will not be that disrupted. Some divorces are truly awful. Some are less disruptive and fine. Whenever you bring cheating into a divorce, you get the horrible kind for kids. They don't need to know. That is worse than cheating.

I'm divorced. My kids lives are not very disrupted. I would not have divorced over cheating. I divorced for other reasons that in my opinion are far worse.