TBH, I wish my spouse would go on a permanent work trip. The less I have to see or hear from them, the better. When they are here, we walk on pins and needles. When they leave, we have peace.

My husband doesn't travel alot but I do get angry because my husband is a liar and unfortunately he set the stage for me not trusting him.

He lies about the most stupidest things which he did even before he met me and its a hugs character flaw of his.

DH used to travel a lot more when our kids were little. I didn’t mind it and liked having my own routines and traditions with the kids. But he was very, very hands on when he was back (he never pulled the ‘I’m so tired from my 5-star hotel and jet lag’ crap).

I am now the one who travels a lot more and DH doesn’t mind either. He prefers when I am around but knows this is just part of the job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could you be angry with your spouse if they have to travel for work?

My husband and I both travel for work although not with much regularity anymore. We handle the communication by letting each other know as soon as we'll be away and then making plans for the time (i.e. getting extra help as needed).

I'm guessing OP has a spouse like my friend who travels frequently enough that my friend has had to shift her career around to accommodate it. And she picks up all the slack when he's gone and instead of getting a break when he's back, she's met with how "exhausted" he is from the travel and needs a day to recover.

There’s work travel and then there’s work travel.

I’m like your friend. And when I finally broke and said he needed a different role or we needed to restructure our lives completely, he secretly accepted an even more travel-intensive role and told me after the fact. And then divorced me.

Now he travels whenever he wants and blows off visitation. The irony is that a huge part of his travel was never necessary in the first place but he plays fast and loose with travel reimbursement and always uses the cop-out of “in-person time with his team” if anyone questions it.

I’m sure his teams steel themselves every time he rolls into their offices the way I used to brace myself when he came home from trips. Good luck to them.

OP does she have bad communication in general or is it just when you have to travel for work? If it’s that one specific issue, ask her about it at a calmer time when no work travel is on the horizon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I get annoyed by my partner’s frequent travel. I am the primary breadwinner in the family (make about 2x that of spouse) since he took a significant pay cut to pursue a job that he finds much more fulfilling but involves 10-15 days travel per month. My job involves much less travel but has no possibility of work from home and we have two young kids.

Our total HHI isn’t enough to throw significant amounts of money at the problem, nor is it easy to find ad hoc child care to cover for his changing travel schedule so I end up having to use almost all of my PTO and any goodwill I’ve built up with my office just to cover the gaps in coverage. Not to mention that it has just served to reinforce the dynamic of me being the default parent regardless of whether he is traveling or not.

wtf he needs to find a new job. ASAP.

Believe me, I’ve tried to suggest that but it just launches a whole persecution narrative of me standing in the way of his career ambitions.

Omfg get a new wife. She’s ridiculous. It’s called a career and the logistics is part of life. She needs to grow up and learn how to handle the unplanned events together as a joint unit knowing that you are both making compromises - work travel is not all fun and games ffs. Honestly get her on some Xanax.

Anonymous wrote:Nope. No one gets upset.
Why are you upset OP?

I am not upset, my wife is. I rarely travel. Every time I do travel ishe gets angry. This time wasn't a ton of notice, a full week though. Ideally to maximize the trip I should go for 2-3 full days. I am flying in late first night, then do early morning meeting, and 4- 5 hour midday event and flying out that night. First inclination is to ask if she could work remote on the full day I will be out, "Absolutely not, I can't believe you would even ask me". So I make other arrangement to have teen DS dropped off and picked up from school. I give her the general plan and told her the final details would be work out in a couple days with family member who is helping, but was out of town when I asked. I share the details with her and she keeps hounding me about how ridiculous this is, how I just assume she will drop everything, how it messes with her schedule. I didn't assume she would do anything, I asked, she answered, I made other arrangements. It doesn't mess with her schedule at all, she doesn't need to do anything differently.

For some reason, she acts like me taking a work trip is the most foreign concept ever and that other people don't have to work out arrangements for when one spouse travels. To me it is one of those things, that while not idea, is just something you deal with and move on. I have no idea what the big deal about traveling is.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I get annoyed by my partner’s frequent travel. I am the primary breadwinner in the family (make about 2x that of spouse) since he took a significant pay cut to pursue a job that he finds much more fulfilling but involves 10-15 days travel per month. My job involves much less travel but has no possibility of work from home and we have two young kids.

Our total HHI isn’t enough to throw significant amounts of money at the problem, nor is it easy to find ad hoc child care to cover for his changing travel schedule so I end up having to use almost all of my PTO and any goodwill I’ve built up with my office just to cover the gaps in coverage. Not to mention that it has just served to reinforce the dynamic of me being the default parent regardless of whether he is traveling or not.

wtf he needs to find a new job. ASAP.

Mine used to put his penis in other women whenever he had a work trip and I got mad about that

I don't mind it generally, but it irritates me when it's stuff that seems pretty optional (conferences, a meeting where he's just showing up for face time, etc.).