I understand you are frustrated and I understand that special needs parents often feel like schools aren't doing enough and their child is suffering. However, based on the tone of your emails, you are coming off as very confrontational and not at all a "team player." The truth of what is going on lies somewhere in the middle. Not "it is all the school's fault!"

No one is out to get you. As a former teacher who left for corporate, trust me, the ones that stayed are there for a love of children. I had difficult children in my classroom, I still loved and valued them. The parents and the constant excuses for poor behavior - not so much.

Anonymous wrote:No school will take a dad with that profile.

Ha! But yes, so true. I suppose this is better than dad-in-denial, but it's not easier for the school to deal with.

Be very, very careful how you approach private schools-- if you seem litigious and visibly angry, they'll think *you* are a risk and avoid dealing with you.

theflash1985 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baltimore Lab school could be a good fit in terms of dealing with his challenges. What is currently in his IEP? If there are documented incidents of him kicking staff and eloping, no matter how great a kid he is when he’s better regulated, no mainstream private school is going to touch that unfortunately. That’s just facts. You might have luck with a parochial school that needs more students , but they aren’t going to provide OT or outdoor/ hands on learning

So McLean, Diener and other ADHD schools only want perfect little "emotionally mature" 5 year olds? That is so not fair. My son will be denied from all private and have to suffer from incompetent public school IEP teams.

They kept him in the principal’s office for six hours last week instead of helping him. (My advocate is coming to IEP meeting this coming Friday to discuss this disgusting event) The behaviors come from that lack of support, not who he is. I just want him somewhere that actually implements accommodations instead of punishing him for needing them.

No, but they want students who don't elope or assault staff. Your son won't be denied from all private schools, but there are not a lot of schools that will accept a child with that kind of history, especially mid-year when they've already done their admissions cycle. You need to open your eyes about exactly what you're looking for, not blame the school and convince yourself the eloping and assaut won't continue if you switch. It may, and you need a school that, as you say, won't kick him out for it.

Real talk: stop with the "so not fair". You've come here because you want the expertise of other SN parents. It's not a competition, but try to keep the perspective that many of us are dealing with this much and more. Life's not fair and as soon as you realize that, the better off you'll be. Is it fair that you can afford an advocate when others can't? Is it fair that you can afford SN if you have to, when others can't? No, it's not. Life's not fair.

No school will take a dad with that profile.

Auburn might take a child with aggressive behaviors.

theflash1985 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re going to have a hard road finding a school. You should probably talk to your advocate about options.

I also think you’re going to have to get better at working with the school, wherever your child ends up. This is your child’s first year at the school. They barely know him and how he acts at home probably is quite different than what they see in the school environment. Similarly, what works at home isn’t likely to work at school. They need time to figure out what works. You’ve had years to figure him out and you only have one or a few kids.

Why is it a long hard road for us? Other parents are sending their kids to Baltimore Lab, McLean, and Diener that have ADHD and have access to OT, hourly movement breaks, unrestricted fidget toy access, small class sizes, social skills trainings, and more 1:1 support. Public school is not a good fit for him like its not a good fit for other SN kids.

Back to my original question though - what ADHD multi-sensory active all day schools do you guys have experience with? That's all my child needs. I want recommendations and experience for schools you guys have used.

I want! I want! I want! Spend your time giving me advice! Give it to me! ALL CAPS!

Look, if this is how you're being with the school staff, it's no wonder it isn't going well. Try to keep a level head even though you are angry and frustrated. Try to bring a bit more of your "professional" self. A lot of SN parents get therapy for themselves to help them cope. Maybe you would find that helpful. Stop calling people "evil" even if you believe they are breaking the law. You're going to wear yourself out with this level of rage. For some people, Kindergarten is the first time they encounter the many shortcomings of the public school system. It's upsetting, but you'll get used to it. If you can't control yourself and behave professionally even in the face of outrageous behavior, then you're going to make this more difficult than it needs to be. Take a deep breath and remember that being Rage Dad never helped. Don't be one more problem for your spouse to manage.

Did your child attend preschool at all? If so, how did it go?

theflash1985 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is violent and has a history of elopement. It isn't easy to find a placement for a child with those behaviors. That's why I suggested that you talk with your advocate about identifying your options. I've been down this road and know just how long and hard it is.

Is your kid thriving now? What school worked for them?

My kid is now in college and successful. What worked is this. Lot's of collaboration with the school. Lot's of forgiveness when they screwed up and lots of forgiveness when I didn't get things right on my end, which like it or not effects school success. Recognition on both parts that so much was trying things to see what worked and walking away from those that didn't without judgment for the person who may have suggested it. Recognition that even when they agree to do something, people call out and emergencies happen - because some days my kid was the emergency and was the cause of someone else's kid not getting their services that day. More IEP changes than you can imagine because what we thought would work one day didn't the next. Hospitalizations. Residential treatment. School suspensions that required mental health clearance to return to school after violent episodes and elopements. Eventually a non mainstream public placement, which seriously was unbelievably amazing. But it took years and failures to get there and lots of work to identify the right one. That placement happened in HS and surprisingly, both ES and MS staff participated in helping us secure a spot in the program.

I hear my spouse in you and recognize the emotions. Managing my spouse was its own issue. In the end, all school and education related issues were solely in my lane. My spouse's personality, which came across as combative at school, was amazing in their work life, but did not lend to success when it came to getting my kid an education.

Anonymous wrote:Newton could be great for his movement needs.

Newton might be an option in the future. Once the child is able to self regulate and stops eloping.
I don’t think they’d take a child with that profile in January. It will be too disruptive to the whole class.
But it’s worth giving them a call.

theflash1985 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Homeschool with a full time home ABA team for support. Get him more social and work on routines and challenges so he works slowly into the demands of school. Just placing him in private will be more money and less beneficial.

Is this what you are doing for your child? How is homeschool the only option here? I just want ADHD/Anxiety private school recommendations that you Moms and Dads use

It’s not your only option but it’s likely the best one, especially if you have the money to afford private. I work with children like this, I’m speaking from years of experience. I’ve seen many parents pull their child within the first few months of preschool or K and opt for a home program. It’s not easy, it’s time consuming and expensive, but so are IEP meetings and private schools. Your energy spent fighting the school system will likely be better utilized engaging him in a program that is designed for him, rather than trying to find a program that fits him. Often times that program simply doesn’t exist. That’s not to say in 2-3 years he won’t be back in public- some kids just need a few more years of 1:1, other parents wait until middle school to start public, some never do. It’s at least worth exploring.

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is violent and has a history of elopement. It isn't easy to find a placement for a child with those behaviors. That's why I suggested that you talk with your advocate about identifying your options. I've been down this road and know just how long and hard it is.

Is your kid thriving now? What school worked for them?

Anonymous wrote:Homeschool with a full time home ABA team for support. Get him more social and work on routines and challenges so he works slowly into the demands of school. Just placing him in private will be more money and less beneficial.

Is this what you are doing for your child? How is homeschool the only option here? I just want ADHD/Anxiety private school recommendations that you Moms and Dads use

theflash1985 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re going to have a hard road finding a school. You should probably talk to your advocate about options.

I also think you’re going to have to get better at working with the school, wherever your child ends up. This is your child’s first year at the school. They barely know him and how he acts at home probably is quite different than what they see in the school environment. Similarly, what works at home isn’t likely to work at school. They need time to figure out what works. You’ve had years to figure him out and you only have one or a few kids.

Why is it a long hard road for us? Other parents are sending their kids to Baltimore Lab, McLean, and Diener that have ADHD and have access to OT, hourly movement breaks, unrestricted fidget toy access, small class sizes, social skills trainings, and more 1:1 support. Public school is not a good fit for him like its not a good fit for other SN kids.

Back to my original question though - what ADHD multi-sensory active all day schools do you guys have experience with? That's all my child needs. I want recommendations and experience for schools you guys have used.

Your kid is violent and has a history of elopement. It isn't easy to find a placement for a child with those behaviors. That's why I suggested that you talk with your advocate about identifying your options. I've been down this road and know just how long and hard it is.

theflash1985 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baltimore Lab school could be a good fit in terms of dealing with his challenges. What is currently in his IEP? If there are documented incidents of him kicking staff and eloping, no matter how great a kid he is when he’s better regulated, no mainstream private school is going to touch that unfortunately. That’s just facts. You might have luck with a parochial school that needs more students , but they aren’t going to provide OT or outdoor/ hands on learning

So McLean, Diener and other ADHD schools only want perfect little "emotionally mature" 5 year olds? That is so not fair. My son will be denied from all private and have to suffer from incompetent public school IEP teams.

They kept him in the principal’s office for six hours last week instead of helping him. (My advocate is coming to IEP meeting this coming Friday to discuss this disgusting event) The behaviors come from that lack of support, not who he is. I just want him somewhere that actually implements accommodations instead of punishing him for needing them.

Homeschool with a full time home ABA team for support. Get him more social and work on routines and challenges so he works slowly into the demands of school. Just placing him in private will be more money and less beneficial.

Anonymous wrote:The fidget toy thing- there has gotta be a reason they are saying to limit to 5 minutes.

Nope! She made this change 2 days after we requested her daily data log for month of September after I son repeatedly told us his direct support 1:1 aide just "sit in the back and look at me" She said she wants him to be "independent".

A 5 year old who was recently diagnosed with ADHD with Anxiety is supposed to be independent in Kindergarten and not use his fidget tool which self regulates him (and all ADHD adults too!) SMH

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re going to have a hard road finding a school. You should probably talk to your advocate about options.

I also think you’re going to have to get better at working with the school, wherever your child ends up. This is your child’s first year at the school. They barely know him and how he acts at home probably is quite different than what they see in the school environment. Similarly, what works at home isn’t likely to work at school. They need time to figure out what works. You’ve had years to figure him out and you only have one or a few kids.

Why is it a long hard road for us? Other parents are sending their kids to Baltimore Lab, McLean, and Diener that have ADHD and have access to OT, hourly movement breaks, unrestricted fidget toy access, small class sizes, social skills trainings, and more 1:1 support. Public school is not a good fit for him like its not a good fit for other SN kids.

Back to my original question though - what ADHD multi-sensory active all day schools do you guys have experience with? That's all my child needs. I want recommendations and experience for schools you guys have used.