Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would at least make sure your nephew knows that your brother is demanding they sleep in separate rooms. There could be consequences for him (e.g. financial cut off), if your brother finds out they shared a room.

That said, I would still offer whatever your nephew wants...and I would ask ahead of time to avoid awkwardness on the day or and in front of the GF.

No. OP, don't do that. This will not work for most SA families. Also, why create awkwardness for the nephew and family drama later on with brother?

Offer 2 rooms and leave it to the nephew and GF to figure it out. Do not report back to brother. If he asks say that yes, you have prepared two guest rooms. You are not in the business to parent your nephew and also you have to understand the family culture & traditions.

I am the Catholic mom so maybe I am not understanding the dynamic, but in my family the younger adults know that older generations are going to be talking about this. If my plan is not to notice where the younger generation is sleeping, I would want to tell them that so they didn’t make a choice based on worry about that.

I am curious why telling the young people that wouldn’t work in SA culture.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the helpful suggestions! I will definitely communicate with my nephew about his parents, though I don’t think their attitude will be a surprise. We have space so I like the suggestion of having 2 rooms and letting them decide. I have been working on standing up to my brother and being more assertive, but it’s been a lifetime of listening to him as the baby sister so old habits die hard.

Hmmm...sounds like you want to create a rift between the father and son, instead of being a peacemaker. It seems like you are enjoying the idea of reminding your nephew how regressive your brother's thinking is.

What will you achieve by rubbing your nephew's face with this info? Do you like the idea that your nephew and your brother may have a falling out because of this?

Anonymous wrote:“My house, my rules and I won’t have you butting in. Call back if you can respect me.”

And then you wonder why you don't have a village. LOL

Anonymous wrote:I’m an immigrant from a culture where men still expect to be “respected” and to tell everyone how it’s going to be. They can effff all the way off. He can try to talk to his adult son to see if he can control his 28 year old. This is not something he should be involving you in. His son is a grown man!

Agreed. OP should offer 2 rooms and let the grown nephew and his guest decide.

Anonymous wrote:
If you have two rooms available then you prepare two rooms for your guests. It is up to your nephew and gf to figure out what their sleeping arrangements that they will adhere to.

Do they want to have two seperate rooms or want one room? Up to them. You don't ask. You just show them the rooms that you have prepared.

If others ask - you provided two rooms. And then you don't talk about it anymore.

- South Asian aunty ji.

This

White Catholic mother with similar relatives!

Anonymous wrote:I would at least make sure your nephew knows that your brother is demanding they sleep in separate rooms. There could be consequences for him (e.g. financial cut off), if your brother finds out they shared a room.

That said, I would still offer whatever your nephew wants...and I would ask ahead of time to avoid awkwardness on the day or and in front of the GF.

No. OP, don't do that. This will not work for most SA families. Also, why create awkwardness for the nephew and family drama later on with brother?

Offer 2 rooms and leave it to the nephew and GF to figure it out. Do not report back to brother. If he asks say that yes, you have prepared two guest rooms. You are not in the business to parent your nephew and also you have to understand the family culture & traditions.

I’m an immigrant from a culture where men still expect to be “respected” and to tell everyone how it’s going to be. They can effff all the way off. He can try to talk to his adult son to see if he can control his 28 year old. This is not something he should be involving you in. His son is a grown man!

Anonymous wrote:At 28 Mr Nephew should stay in a hotel

You never host family 🙄🙄🙄

“My house, my rules and I won’t have you butting in. Call back if you can respect me.”

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the helpful suggestions! I will definitely communicate with my nephew about his parents, though I don’t think their attitude will be a surprise. We have space so I like the suggestion of having 2 rooms and letting them decide. I have been working on standing up to my brother and being more assertive, but it’s been a lifetime of listening to him as the baby sister so old habits die hard.

What will you gain by having an acrimonious relationship with your brother at this point at something so inconsequential?

Thank you all for the helpful suggestions! I will definitely communicate with my nephew about his parents, though I don’t think their attitude will be a surprise. We have space so I like the suggestion of having 2 rooms and letting them decide. I have been working on standing up to my brother and being more assertive, but it’s been a lifetime of listening to him as the baby sister so old habits die hard.

Had a similar situation, but I'm the nephew. My sister wanted my then BF (now DH) to sleep in separate rooms because they wanted to set a good example to their then 10 and 4 yr old. I was 31 at the time.

I told my sister to tell their DD that when they are 30, making six figures and completely independent, they can make their own decisions about stuff like this. But, until then, they must follow their family's rules.

We slept in the same bed. And their DD basically lived with a bf when she was in her mid 20s. She's now married to a different man.

It's not really fair to expect children of immigrants who grew up in the US to follow the old country's values. It makes it harder for the younger person to try straddle both cultures.

That's not to say that children of immigrants should not have to follow their parent's values, but the parents also need to understand that your children, who grew up here, will absorb some western ideals and way of life.

FWIW, my family loves my DH. They think he's great.

My 2 cents.

Anonymous wrote:I would at least make sure your nephew knows that your brother is demanding they sleep in separate rooms. There could be consequences for him (e.g. financial cut off), if your brother finds out they shared a room.

That said, I would still offer whatever your nephew wants...and I would ask ahead of time to avoid awkwardness on the day or and in front of the GF.

Yes, good point.

At 28 Mr Nephew should stay in a hotel

I would at least make sure your nephew knows that your brother is demanding they sleep in separate rooms. There could be consequences for him (e.g. financial cut off), if your brother finds out they shared a room.

That said, I would still offer whatever your nephew wants...and I would ask ahead of time to avoid awkwardness on the day or and in front of the GF.