Anonymous wrote:I have never had a one night stand. I can't imagine having sex with a random stranger.

key indicator of a sterile bedroom after marriage

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but marriage material doesn't do that

This.

I believe that people attract people who fit with them.

A cheater will attract a promiscuous cheater. A selfish person will attract a selfish person. A nerd attracts a nerd. A prude attracts a prude. Addicts will attract addicts. Otherwise the relationship will break.

So, if there are people who did not sleep around and valued that about themselves, they will not be attracted to a slut/man whore.

Also, people who randomly slept around will not hold standards of sexual purity in their spouse's premarital behavior. I think it is ok as long as both partners are in-synch with their standards.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but marriage material doesn't do that

Well, every single one of my HS friend group and college friend group is not only married, but each also had one night stands. A couple of them have had abortions. That must shock you grandma, I know!

Wow, how cool and fun!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but marriage material doesn't do that

Well, every single one of my HS friend group and college friend group is not only married, but each also had one night stands. A couple of them have had abortions. That must shock you grandma, I know!

Wow, how cool and fun!

Anonymous wrote:

There were so many, I can't even remember dates or when or whatever. People have sex.

I've had hookups, he's had hookups. Who cares? I don't expect him to tell me about his ONS or who gave him the best BJs or whatever. On the list of important things in a partner, that doesn't even make the top 100.

Yes, people have sex. And some people are promiscuous.

You ask, "Who cares?". Many people consider discrimination regarding who they sleep with as one of the most important things in a partner. Specifically, they want to be with a man (or a women) who treats sex as a special part of a relationship, rather than an unimportant act they will do with many people.

When you know that a person has "hooked up" with so many people that they cannot remember details, you see that they do not place any value on who or when they shared their bodies. And you cannot believe that you are more special to them than the ____ (insert some number) they were with before you.

Interesting perspective. I don't see it that way at all. I live more in the present moment, and for me, in that moment, that person is the center of the entire universe. It's extremely special and intimate. And each partner is different - with my last FWB, we explored certain things that worked for us. With my current partner, we explore different things that work for us. Each are fun, fulfilling, and special to me.

But everybody has to do what works for them. Nobody should force themselves to have sex they don't want, and nobody should hold back from sex they do want for fear of what future partners may think about the "specialness". And always a very, very good idea to make sure your sexual values match - I would be miserable with someone who was more focused on partner count than exploration and openness. BTDT, and it was exhausting to hear "so who did you do THIS with?!" every time I requested something.

As for remembering details - I'm old enough I've been having sex for nearly 25 years, I definitely don't remember the details of who I hooked up with in college!

Reminder: everything about your past matters in choosing a partner and failing to disclose is a lie of omission... except for yoursexual history.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thread got me wondering. If you had one night stands in college/ your 20s before marriage, do you husbands know about them?

I'm talking about truly one night stands in that you were at a bar or on spring break, met some rando, screwed them, and never saw them again.

I'm just curious how this would even come up as a topic of conversation or how it is relevant to anything.

How does anything come up as a conversation? What a weird point.

No, the premise of the thread is bizarre. The point is valid. Your opinion about it is not.

I like hearing about my wife's escapades. She didn't have a huge number of them, but the few stories she has are fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thread got me wondering. If you had one night stands in college/ your 20s before marriage, do you husbands know about them?

I'm talking about truly one night stands in that you were at a bar or on spring break, met some rando, screwed them, and never saw them again.

I'm just curious how this would even come up as a topic of conversation or how it is relevant to anything.

How does anything come up as a conversation? What a weird point.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but marriage material doesn't do that

Of course it does, prude.

Anonymous wrote:The other thread got me wondering. If you had one night stands in college/ your 20s before marriage, do you husbands know about them?

I'm talking about truly one night stands in that you were at a bar or on spring break, met some rando, screwed them, and never saw them again.

I'm just curious how this would even come up as a topic of conversation or how it is relevant to anything.

Neither the ones before nor the ones after we got married.

There were so many, I can't even remember dates or when or whatever. People have sex.

I've had hookups, he's had hookups. Who cares? I don't expect him to tell me about his ONS or who gave him the best BJs or whatever. On the list of important things in a partner, that doesn't even make the top 100.

Yes, people have sex. And some people are promiscuous.

You ask, "Who cares?". Many people consider discrimination regarding who they sleep with as one of the most important things in a partner. Specifically, they want to be with a man (or a women) who treats sex as a special part of a relationship, rather than an unimportant act they will do with many people.

When you know that a person has "hooked up" with so many people that they cannot remember details, you see that they do not place any value on who or when they shared their bodies. And you cannot believe that you are more special to them than the ____ (insert some number) they were with before you.

Some of them, not all of them. We never felt the need to go into deep specifics.