Anonymous wrote:I sort of like people like that because I can then just be super direct back at them.

"Yes, that is what we want to watch. You have my permission to go do something else."
"For tomorrow night you can get dinner for us. We are happy to eat normal food so get whatever you want."
"Yes we know about the mattress. It keeps guests from staying too long."
"Can you go pick up some wine? That would be helpful. Thanks."

Anonymous wrote:The uncomfortable bed? Tell him a crappy bed is your goal so guests don't extend their visit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, that doesn’t sound too bad. He may be more direct than others, but most people don’t know their guest bed is terrible because no one tells them. How many days in a row did you serve Asian food? It is customary to have wine available if you also have beer available. I usually try to stock the things my guests like and not make them conform to my tastes.

No. It is not customary to hear rude remarks about one's own home and food predilections. We're Asians who eat mostly American/European foods, but I find the Asian food comment pretty racist. Also, I don't have alcohol in the house at all. Our relatives usually don't drink, and if any do, well, they'd be disappointed. So sorry my food and drink won't kill them!

OP, you look your BIL straight in the eye and say calmly "that's rude". Then you maintain eye contact and make him squirm. He will naturally laugh it off, or call you insensitive, but after a few of these, he will probably (hopefully) stop. And since the goal is not not make him want to return, you should do that every time he's rude.

Obviously, he is not invited back.

which is why I said if you have beer available, it’s customary to have wine.

Anonymous wrote:I sort of like people like that because I can then just be super direct back at them.

"Yes, that is what we want to watch. You have my permission to go do something else."
"For tomorrow night you can get dinner for us. We are happy to eat normal food so get whatever you want."
"Yes we know about the mattress. It keeps guests from staying too long."
"Can you go pick up some wine? That would be helpful. Thanks."

Anonymous wrote:I sort of like people like that because I can then just be super direct back at them.

"Yes, that is what we want to watch. You have my permission to go do something else."
"For tomorrow night you can get dinner for us. We are happy to eat normal food so get whatever you want."
"Yes we know about the mattress. It keeps guests from staying too long."
"Can you go pick up some wine? That would be helpful. Thanks."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, that doesn’t sound too bad. He may be more direct than others, but most people don’t know their guest bed is terrible because no one tells them. How many days in a row did you serve Asian food? It is customary to have wine available if you also have beer available. I usually try to stock the things my guests like and not make them conform to my tastes.

No. It is not customary to hear rude remarks about one's own home and food predilections. We're Asians who eat mostly American/European foods, but I find the Asian food comment pretty racist. Also, I don't have alcohol in the house at all. Our relatives usually don't drink, and if any do, well, they'd be disappointed. So sorry my food and drink won't kill them!

OP, you look your BIL straight in the eye and say calmly "that's rude". Then you maintain eye contact and make him squirm. He will naturally laugh it off, or call you insensitive, but after a few of these, he will probably (hopefully) stop. And since the goal is not not make him want to return, you should do that every time he's rude.

Obviously, he is not invited back.

which is why I said if you have beer available, it’s customary to have wine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, that doesn’t sound too bad. He may be more direct than others, but most people don’t know their guest bed is terrible because no one tells them. How many days in a row did you serve Asian food? It is customary to have wine available if you also have beer available. I usually try to stock the things my guests like and not make them conform to my tastes.

No. It is not customary to hear rude remarks about one's own home and food predilections. We're Asians who eat mostly American/European foods, but I find the Asian food comment pretty racist. Also, I don't have alcohol in the house at all. Our relatives usually don't drink, and if any do, well, they'd be disappointed. So sorry my food and drink won't kill them!

OP, you look your BIL straight in the eye and say calmly "that's rude". Then you maintain eye contact and make him squirm. He will naturally laugh it off, or call you insensitive, but after a few of these, he will probably (hopefully) stop. And since the goal is not not make him want to return, you should do that every time he's rude.

Obviously, he is not invited back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Help me find a way not to kill them. My SIL is OK. Quiet, inoffensive, generally invisible.

My BIL has to make every decision on everything while here. He openly sh*ts on the hobbies of others and makes totally offensive statements all the time. The below are real examples:

What??? You want to watch a college football game on Saturday night????

Seriously, can't we eat some normal food? I'm getting sick of Asian stuff.

Man, you guys need a new mattress. I slept like dog crap last night!!!!

Hey, next time you're at the store get some wine, OK? You know not everyone loves beer, right???

And on and on and on.

Short of going away myself what would you say?

He sounds abrasive.

The first example is maybe his way of saying he’d like to do something else, but the way he said it is so rude.

Maybe you could put each of his comments into the Normal Courtesy Translator and say it back to him in a better way.
“You mean, ‘Gee, guys, we don’t get together that often and it’s Saturday night. How about if we go out for a drink?’?”

“You mean, ‘Thanks for all the dinners while we’re here. Would it be ok if I put in a request for pasta or, better yet, can I make burgers for everybody?’?”

“You mean, ‘It’s always tough sleeping in a bed that’s not your own. But I’m glad we’re visiting and get to spend time together.’?”

“You mean, ‘Can I tag along to the store? I’d like to pick up some wine for everyone.’?”

Anonymous wrote:
Help me find a way not to kill them. My SIL is OK. Quiet, inoffensive, generally invisible.

My BIL has to make every decision on everything while here. He openly sh*ts on the hobbies of others and makes totally offensive statements all the time. The below are real examples:

What??? You want to watch a college football game on Saturday night????

Seriously, can't we eat some normal food? I'm getting sick of Asian stuff.

Man, you guys need a new mattress. I slept like dog crap last night!!!!

Hey, next time you're at the store get some wine, OK? You know not everyone loves beer, right???

And on and on and on.

Short of going away myself what would you say?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, that doesn’t sound too bad. He may be more direct than others, but most people don’t know their guest bed is terrible because no one tells them. How many days in a row did you serve Asian food? It is customary to have wine available if you also have beer available. I usually try to stock the things my guests like and not make them conform to my tastes.

Dave?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give him a blank stare and say "wow" in a flat tone.

This accomplishes nothing.