Anonymous
11/03/2025 20:08
Subject: ISO coaching advice regarding my 8G girls team
I know this is the soccer forum, but I coached a freshman girls rec basketball team that had a similar issue. One kid was convinced that she should be the only person taking the ball down the court.
I did the following:
1) created a rotation system where all the kids played all the positions
2) the team had a group chat, so I asked each kid to find drills or videos on how to play or practice their favorite position. Then I dedicated 5-10 minutes of practice to using the practice tips/drills that the kids had suggested with the kid who suggested it running the drill. I found that she listened to the drills, especially the ones she suggested, more than anything I ever suggested. Your goalie might enjoy being the goalie expert teaching other kids goalie drills, while also benefiting from those drills a lot herself.
I did the following:
1) created a rotation system where all the kids played all the positions
2) the team had a group chat, so I asked each kid to find drills or videos on how to play or practice their favorite position. Then I dedicated 5-10 minutes of practice to using the practice tips/drills that the kids had suggested with the kid who suggested it running the drill. I found that she listened to the drills, especially the ones she suggested, more than anything I ever suggested. Your goalie might enjoy being the goalie expert teaching other kids goalie drills, while also benefiting from those drills a lot herself.
Anonymous
11/03/2025 19:55
Subject: ISO coaching advice regarding my 8G girls team
Anonymous wrote:Have a rule about limiting the time at goalie or everyone needing to take a turn at goalie. Let her play, but have her play second half or something. If she is a bad goalie, it does affect team morale (the team may give up easier if she’s letting every goal through), but since it’s rec let her still play. And give her a pep talk that she is good at other positions too so you need her on the field as well. We had a similar situation on DCs rec team and switching the bad goalie to the second half really helped, the kids had not given up by the second half ( surprisingly the bad goalie started to play a little better too).
OP here. Thanks for the ideas from you and other posters.
I will give these suggestions some thought and probably make some adjustments to my approach when the spring season arrives.
Anonymous
11/03/2025 18:11
Subject: ISO coaching advice regarding my 8G girls team
Have a rule about limiting the time at goalie or everyone needing to take a turn at goalie. Let her play, but have her play second half or something. If she is a bad goalie, it does affect team morale (the team may give up easier if she’s letting every goal through), but since it’s rec let her still play. And give her a pep talk that she is good at other positions too so you need her on the field as well. We had a similar situation on DCs rec team and switching the bad goalie to the second half really helped, the kids had not given up by the second half ( surprisingly the bad goalie started to play a little better too).
Anonymous
11/03/2025 14:13
Subject: ISO coaching advice regarding my 8G girls team
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Its rec soccer. Its for fun. Just let her be the GK and work on shoring up your defense. Who cares if you lose every game?
The kids care. Even rec kids want to win and at this age, kids should understand how to behave.
OP here. I agree kids care about the outcomes of rec games, which is why I have to think carefully about my decision with respect to this particular player and her role on the team. Until now, I've placed this particular player's personal needs above the team's; however, I'm unsure if I should continue to do this next season.
You mention that "kids should understand how to behave". I agree that is the case for healthy 8th graders. But this particular child/young adult doesn't appear to have any ability to effectively regulate or modulate her behavior. She seems to genuinely have some sort of condition or mental health problem that affects her ability to interact positively with the people around her. She is not a deliberate trouble-maker, but she has strong moods and surges of emotion that seem a bit uncontrollable and out-of-proportion to the triggering event.
A month ago, her parents initiated a conversation with me, acknowledging that their daughter has issues and is struggling. However, the conversation didn't make things any easier for me, because during the course of the conversation the parents mentioned that being goalie on my team is something that their daughter truly values.
It seems the best I can do in this tricky situation is to limit her time in goal to just half the game -- but playing 30 minutes with poor goalkeeping generally leads to a scoring deficit that is difficult for the team to recover from. Regardless of how strong I set up the defense, there are going to be at least a few shots on target, and with her in goal most of these shots get into the net.
Start with announcing a rotation policy. Not just for goalie but for all positions. The reason is so everyone gets a chance to develop and improve at all positions. Stress the fairness factor. Then it won't seem like it's a policy against her (even though it is). And make sure to follow through so rotations are happening for every player and every position. Ideally this is how it should be in 8th grade rec soccer anyway. The best case would be once she gets to play on the field she'll be more comfortable in another position and won't need to be in goal as much. Use quarterly shifts so there are 4 per game. When she protests offer to give her 2 shifts per game, more than everyone else. Again, maybe she gets used to field positions in a game or two and you can change it to 1 shift or even none each game. Maybe include her in the planning. Ask her which 2 shifts she would want (first and last, first and third, etc.).
Anonymous
11/03/2025 13:54
Subject: ISO coaching advice regarding my 8G girls team
Man, that's a tough spot to be in as a coach, regardless of the level of play.
IMO, you are going above and beyond what would be expected. I'd talk to the parents again - did you have the conversation with them about Susan's listening to coaching, working on improvement, etc. I realize that Susan's thoughts and the reality are very different.
At a minimum, a rotation should get started so all players, especially at the rec level, are in the field and in the goal.
Good Luck.
IMO, you are going above and beyond what would be expected. I'd talk to the parents again - did you have the conversation with them about Susan's listening to coaching, working on improvement, etc. I realize that Susan's thoughts and the reality are very different.
At a minimum, a rotation should get started so all players, especially at the rec level, are in the field and in the goal.
Good Luck.
Anonymous
11/03/2025 13:44
Subject: ISO coaching advice regarding my 8G girls team
We had a similar experience on my DD team. There was a girl who was only on the team because her parents signed her up, was completely unmotivated, and requested to only play goalie. She wouldn’t make an effort to stop the ball at all. The other girls noticed and resentment built up. The best solution is to rotate who plays in goal, every quarter or every half. And if she doesn’t want to play the field, she can sit on the bench. Despite her mental health challenges, keeping her in goal when the other girls are frustrated with her performance is not helping her or building friendships & confidence.
Imagine an alternate scenario where Little Johnny’s parents told you he only wants to play striker and it brings him so much joy. You don’t HAVE to play the player in a specific position because they want/ask to. It’s a development league, kids play all positions.
Imagine an alternate scenario where Little Johnny’s parents told you he only wants to play striker and it brings him so much joy. You don’t HAVE to play the player in a specific position because they want/ask to. It’s a development league, kids play all positions.
Anonymous
11/03/2025 13:32
Subject: ISO coaching advice regarding my 8G girls team
Probably the best COA is to address this directly with her parents. Sounds like a lot of extra coaching effort on your part…so thanks for that! No good deed goes punished!
Anonymous
11/03/2025 13:15
Subject: ISO coaching advice regarding my 8G girls team
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Its rec soccer. Its for fun. Just let her be the GK and work on shoring up your defense. Who cares if you lose every game?
The kids care. Even rec kids want to win and at this age, kids should understand how to behave.
OP here. I agree kids care about the outcomes of rec games, which is why I have to think carefully about my decision with respect to this particular player and her role on the team. Until now, I've placed this particular player's personal needs above the team's; however, I'm unsure if I should continue to do this next season.
You mention that "kids should understand how to behave". I agree that is the case for healthy 8th graders. But this particular child/young adult doesn't appear to have any ability to effectively regulate or modulate her behavior. She seems to genuinely have some sort of condition or mental health problem that affects her ability to interact positively with the people around her. She is not a deliberate trouble-maker, but she has strong moods and surges of emotion that seem a bit uncontrollable and out-of-proportion to the triggering event.
A month ago, her parents initiated a conversation with me, acknowledging that their daughter has issues and is struggling. However, the conversation didn't make things any easier for me, because during the course of the conversation the parents mentioned that being goalie on my team is something that their daughter truly values.
It seems the best I can do in this tricky situation is to limit her time in goal to just half the game -- but playing 30 minutes with poor goalkeeping generally leads to a scoring deficit that is difficult for the team to recover from. Regardless of how strong I set up the defense, there are going to be at least a few shots on target, and with her in goal most of these shots get into the net.
It’s really not fair for the parents to impose on you on this. Basically asking you to prioritize their daughter over everyone else on the team.
I would talk to them again and let them know of your plans to change up by rotating keeper or requiring the player to learn new skills and you need them to help get their child up to speed mentally or ensure they provide support for the changes.
I think it’s ok to say I’m sorry, I’m not qualified to address your daughters issues and this may not be the best environment for them at the moment. Youre being put in a situation where anything you do will add to the stress on this person. It’s simply too much to ask of a rec coach.
Anonymous
11/03/2025 13:14
Subject: Re:ISO coaching advice regarding my 8G girls team
the primary keeper ...takes great pride in being our goalie and is visibly upset whenever I replace her with somebody else.
Unimportant. But you need to replace her permanently. Once and done. She doesn't get to do it sometimes. Know well who you will replace her with, and that the new person is enthusiastic or at least willing to be the permanent goalie for the rest of the season. Even a back-up goalie shouldn't be Susan
Now with Susan you have a responsibility to play her. Play her equally to other players, whether she is good or not, in another position. Hopefully you are rotating positions and giving all girls equal-ish playing time. But goalie is different. Susan doesn't get to be goalie just because that's what she wants.