Perimenopause caused my anxiety and panic disorder to spiral.

A friend of mine started quickly bipolar cycling after her mom died; think her mom kept her on track and when she was gone...friend went off the rails with drugs and guys in her 40s.

I was first diagnosed with bipolar in my 40s, after good treatment and the correct meds I’m doing well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she go silent sometimes, like you don’t hear from her for a while? Wonder if she’s unmedicated bipolar.

Yes, or maybe schizophrenic

My schizophrenic aunt was similar to this when she went off her meds. She would get really focused on isolated things that made her upset and angry.

This. My schizophrenic relative was very good at masking initially but not in middle age when insufficiently medicated.

Anonymous wrote:My sister developed delusional disorder at age 46. There is a family history of mental illness (mom was schizophrenic).

Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear this. Is she ok now??

Yes. My sibling first diagnosed schizophrenia in his 50s… he graduated from a very top school. Was not aware of his illness, but it was clear he wasn’t welll… at all. Not married, unemployed, drug and alcohol abuse, dui, hoarding, temper, lies, delusions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^She also lied a lot. I see that is part of your friend's problems.

Yes, the lying gets me. It makes it difficult to talk to her. As ex, she’ll be complaining about a situation and claim someone said or did something to her… her description and robust reaction on its face doesn’t seem all that unreasonable, so I will be supportive of her ‘oh wow, that person was awful to you!’… but over time, I’ve realized these stories don’t add up, and I don’t think my agreeing with her is helping her.

I had a friend like this. Things didn't make sense when you compared them to what she previously said, and I just couldn't anymore. It was making me feel crazy listening to her because I couldn't tell what was real or not, and I felt like acting like a normal supportive friend was reinforcing her narratives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, mental illness doesn't typically appear first in middle age. BUT middle age is typically when people who are untreated lose control of their mental illness and can no longer compensate or hide it behind closed doors.

Oh no. Any advice for a friend who wants to help?

She needs to seek out help. Until she realizes the distortions in her thoughts and that her behavior is not normal, nothing you do to help her will work.

On your end, what you don't do is a lot more important than what you do. You must not enable her. Do not fix her messes. Do not let her get away with behavior towards you that others would not get away with. Do not agree with her distorted perceptions of others and her justifications of her behavior. You can be gentle, but you must be truthful, otherwise you are reinforcing her distortions and you are harming her in the process.

Unfortunately, people who have gotten to adulthood without having the kind of crisis that would force them into treatments have typically evolved host of defense mechanisms and self delusions that are very hard to penetrate. Be prepared for likelihood that there is an inexorable downward spiral ahead.

I speak from terrible experience. One such person I know died of a drug overdose. Another, a brilliant lawyer with literally four advanced degrees and a high-flying career spanning three continents, died officially of "pneumonia" a few years ago. It was really AIDS contracted after a spate of promiscuity in her 50s. At an age at which most women are settling into menopause, she was going through escalating cycles of bipolar hypersexuality worse than anything she displayed in her youth.

It could at any age. Especially if it is due to an illness (viral usually) or a parasitic infection such as toxoplasmosis.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it can happen. My SIL unraveled when she was in her 30s. A friend of a family is now dealing with his early 50s wife quickly descending into madness. SIL was somewhat a nervous Nelly, but very functional overall. The friend’s wife was very reserved, we all thought she is shy, but again that’s very far from having full blown delusions.

What precipitated the unraveling?

Hard to say. In both cases there was a divorce, but I am not sure whether the divorce was the cause of mental illness or their behavior got to the point where it was already unbearable to the spouse although not obvious to an outsider, and both women refused to see a psychiatrist. SIL also had a flare/ newly diagnosed auto immune disease around the same time. The friend’s wife (ex-wife, actually) recently had an MRI which showed some brain changes - this may be the beginning of something organic.

My sister developed delusional disorder at age 46. There is a family history of mental illness (mom was schizophrenic).

For my friend who was acting like this it was alcoholism.

Anonymous wrote:Does she go silent sometimes, like you don’t hear from her for a while? Wonder if she’s unmedicated bipolar.

Yes, or maybe schizophrenic

My schizophrenic aunt was similar to this when she went off her meds. She would get really focused on isolated things that made her upset and angry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it can happen. My SIL unraveled when she was in her 30s. A friend of a family is now dealing with his early 50s wife quickly descending into madness. SIL was somewhat a nervous Nelly, but very functional overall. The friend’s wife was very reserved, we all thought she is shy, but again that’s very far from having full blown delusions.

What precipitated the unraveling?

DP but in my SIL’s similar case, alcohol and going off her meds.

There is nothing you can really do. Boundaries are your friend here. The problem is she won’t see there is anything wrong with her and change has to come from within.

Yes, I see this. Very occasionally I will challenge her slightly on something and she tends to evade or even lie.

Anonymous wrote:^^She also lied a lot. I see that is part of your friend's problems.

Yes, the lying gets me. It makes it difficult to talk to her. As ex, she’ll be complaining about a situation and claim someone said or did something to her… her description and robust reaction on its face doesn’t seem all that unreasonable, so I will be supportive of her ‘oh wow, that person was awful to you!’… but over time, I’ve realized these stories don’t add up, and I don’t think my agreeing with her is helping her.

She probably stopped taking her meds or the ones she was on are no longer effective.