OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughters responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

Anonymous wrote:You are. Your daughter sounds way more mature than you do.

+1 Honestly it sounds like OP resented having to be up an hour early herself to drive to the spay appointment and picked a fight with DD15 as payback since she agreed to the fostering for that kid.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your daughter is more responsible than 99% of 15 year olds, so I’d start from a place of appreciation of your kid. You may be “right,” but yeah, why couldn’t the people who were already awake feed the cats? As a nice thing to do for a generally good kid?

This.

She mentioned she wanted to sleep in (which she needs to do because she is definitely not getting enough sleep). On a typical weekend, she sleeps until 9:00 and her younger sister feeds the kittens. The plan was already for her sister (not her) to accompany you to the spay appointment. Her sister was right there, playing with the kittens and could easily have fed them, as she normally does on the weekends. There was absolutely no good reason to wake your older dd and it was mean spirited. Honestly, what lesson were you attempting to teach a super responsible kid who has been faithfully doing the work of fostering? I don’t find her comment about your sleeping until 8 am all that disrespectful (she has a real point), but even if it was, she’s a young teenager who is chronically sleep deprived and you’d just awakened her for no good reason, after she told you she was looking forward to sleeping in. Apologize and let her sleep in as long as she can next Saturday.

TL;DR You were wrong and you owe her an apology.

So let me get this straight: you had kids, yet you sleep until 8 am and don’t take any responsibility for making them breakfast or helping them get ready for school in order for you to sleep in..

Yet you wake your daughter up on the weekend to take care of cats? Even though you and another kid are already up- just to make a point about her being “responsible for them”

That is wild

I don't believe OP has a job.

How do you sleep in until 8am on weekdays with 3 kids? Genuinely curious…

Assuming they have to be off to school well before 8

Wow rare consensus. I agree with everyone else. And btw, animal rescue organizations do not hand over fosters to young teens. They are going along with your wishes having her on the emails, but at the end of the day, you are the one responsible for these animals.

Well, OP, you wanted the responsibility of having kids so sometimes you have to pick up their slack.

"I didn’t want my younger daughter doing it since my older daughter had wanted the responsibility." Your younger daughter can help here and there. You come off as punishing the older one while treating the younger one like a princess. Pets are a shared family effort.

It’s rich that you’re mad that your 15 yo wanted help with her responsibilities for one morning when you sleep in every morning while your kids are getting off to school alone.

Anonymous wrote:She should have had the plan made the night before of who would feed the cats if she wanted to sleep in and communicated that to you. You and your other daughter should have been aware of the plan. It’s fine for her to ask someone else to do it for one day but it needed to have been made clear the night before.

+1

But I also wholeheartedly agree with the person who wrote that she is more mature than most 15-year-old and to start from a place of appreciation

The younger daughter helps especially on weekends but you forbid her to help this weekend for some reason?

I grew up with a mom like you. We don't speak now.

It's ok for her to ask her sibling to feed them and it's ok to sleep in when needed.

Also turning on the lights to wake up a teen is the worst.