Anonymous
Post 11/05/2025 09:53     Subject: Too much birthday $ from friend?
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I did text the mom because my DH and I both felt weird about accepting it - for context, we are not a high income family ourselves, we spent $125 total on birthday gifts for our own kid from both parents and siblings. So it's not me assuming they can't afford it because they speak Spanish, it's that we feel awkward about a school friend spending that much on our kid, and are not able to reciprocate at the same scale either.

I felt horribly and painfully awkward bringing it up, she said "keep it, your son is a good friend to mine," and hopefully she doesn't feel as deeply embarrassed as I do by this interaction. Kid will write a nice thank you note and we will do our best to spring for stuff in future.


I would feel horribly awkward and felt like I need to reciprocate right away. People need to realize this when they give gifts to others. It’s not cool to give expensive stuff to non-family . It makes things weird. $25-50 is the norm. Unless you are affluent family, inviting affluent kids. You would know if you are one
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2025 09:50     Subject: Too much birthday $ from friend?
Anonymous wrote:Wait. You're not a high income family yet you spent $125 on birthday gifts for your child?! I too, am "not a high income family" earning five figures and I wouldn't spend more than $30 on gifts for a birthday child.


Do you understand English? She means she spent $125 on presents for her own kid, not some random child.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 20:17     Subject: Re:Too much birthday $ from friend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You should tell her you think her son may have accidentally put the wrong bill in your son’s card because $100 is an unusually high dollar amount to give a classmate. Use Google translate.


You people are racist.


How is wanting to communicate racist?!

Google translate is fine. I speak Spanish as my first language and many people use this. And, yes, $100 is too much. I’d assume it’s a mistake- and I’m rich myself. I give $30 to classmates and a really special friend might get a $50 gift.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 20:09     Subject: Too much birthday $ from friend?
Wait. You're not a high income family yet you spent $125 on birthday gifts for your child?! I too, am "not a high income family" earning five figures and I wouldn't spend more than $30 on gifts for a birthday child.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 20:02     Subject: Too much birthday $ from friend?
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I did text the mom because my DH and I both felt weird about accepting it - for context, we are not a high income family ourselves, we spent $125 total on birthday gifts for our own kid from both parents and siblings. So it's not me assuming they can't afford it because they speak Spanish, it's that we feel awkward about a school friend spending that much on our kid, and are not able to reciprocate at the same scale either.

I felt horribly and painfully awkward bringing it up, she said "keep it, your son is a good friend to mine," and hopefully she doesn't feel as deeply embarrassed as I do by this interaction. Kid will write a nice thank you note and we will do our best to spring for stuff in future.


Great ending!
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 19:19     Subject: Re:Too much birthday $ from friend?
Nice job. Hope your child had a happy birthday.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 15:28     Subject: Too much birthday $ from friend?
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I did text the mom because my DH and I both felt weird about accepting it - for context, we are not a high income family ourselves, we spent $125 total on birthday gifts for our own kid from both parents and siblings. So it's not me assuming they can't afford it because they speak Spanish, it's that we feel awkward about a school friend spending that much on our kid, and are not able to reciprocate at the same scale either.

I felt horribly and painfully awkward bringing it up, she said "keep it, your son is a good friend to mine," and hopefully she doesn't feel as deeply embarrassed as I do by this interaction. Kid will write a nice thank you note and we will do our best to spring for stuff in future.

This turned out to be a nice story. Both mom's are great here. Your son is probably a great kid!
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 15:26     Subject: Too much birthday $ from friend?
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I did text the mom because my DH and I both felt weird about accepting it - for context, we are not a high income family ourselves, we spent $125 total on birthday gifts for our own kid from both parents and siblings. So it's not me assuming they can't afford it because they speak Spanish, it's that we feel awkward about a school friend spending that much on our kid, and are not able to reciprocate at the same scale either.

I felt horribly and painfully awkward bringing it up, she said "keep it, your son is a good friend to mine," and hopefully she doesn't feel as deeply embarrassed as I do by this interaction. Kid will write a nice thank you note and we will do our best to spring for stuff in future.


I’m glad you asked. Now you know. Don’t feel bad, it was their choice to give the gift, you don’t have to make it equal. Maybe you’ve given him a lot of rides and they are grateful, you never know. Just accept it gracefully and don’t make it awkward by feeling the need to make some balance that is impossible.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 15:24     Subject: Too much birthday $ from friend?
This is OP. I did text the mom because my DH and I both felt weird about accepting it - for context, we are not a high income family ourselves, we spent $125 total on birthday gifts for our own kid from both parents and siblings. So it's not me assuming they can't afford it because they speak Spanish, it's that we feel awkward about a school friend spending that much on our kid, and are not able to reciprocate at the same scale either.

I felt horribly and painfully awkward bringing it up, she said "keep it, your son is a good friend to mine," and hopefully she doesn't feel as deeply embarrassed as I do by this interaction. Kid will write a nice thank you note and we will do our best to spring for stuff in future.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 13:20     Subject: Too much birthday $ from friend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My 5th grade DS just had a birthday party. One of his friends brought a vard with a nice message and a $100 bill. This is way out of the norm of the average kid gift in our circles! His mom mainly speaks Spanish and not much English. Is this something we should address and/or try to return? Or send a very nice thank you and plan to reciprocate similarly in the future? Thanks


We had a Spanish-speaking family in my kid's preK class bring their son to our daughter's 4th birthday, which was "no presents" and just for kids to play in the bounce house and eat cake and get their faces painted, and they put a $50 gift card in her bday card! I was also flummoxed and didn't want to accept it or be rude enough to return it. We had a plan to give him a $50 present for his birthday but they moved away before we had a chance. I still feel uneasy about taking the money and never making it even.


$50 is not the stretch for everyone you think it is. Pay it forward by being generous with someone else.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 13:11     Subject: Too much birthday $ from friend?
Anonymous wrote:My 5th grade DS just had a birthday party. One of his friends brought a vard with a nice message and a $100 bill. This is way out of the norm of the average kid gift in our circles! His mom mainly speaks Spanish and not much English. Is this something we should address and/or try to return? Or send a very nice thank you and plan to reciprocate similarly in the future? Thanks


We had a Spanish-speaking family in my kid's preK class bring their son to our daughter's 4th birthday, which was "no presents" and just for kids to play in the bounce house and eat cake and get their faces painted, and they put a $50 gift card in her bday card! I was also flummoxed and didn't want to accept it or be rude enough to return it. We had a plan to give him a $50 present for his birthday but they moved away before we had a chance. I still feel uneasy about taking the money and never making it even.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 13:09     Subject: Re:Too much birthday $ from friend?
Anonymous wrote:You should tell her you think her son may have accidentally put the wrong bill in your son’s card because $100 is an unusually high dollar amount to give a classmate. Use Google translate.


No, that’s really rude. Accept the gift graciously. I don’t think it’s a big deal. I carry about 15 $100 bills with me when I go out. One of the few left who likes cash. I could see forgetting to get a present and putting a bill in a card from CVS.

Everyone is different. And don’t try to judge her based on car and house. It doesn’t work.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 13:06     Subject: Re:Too much birthday $ from friend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You should tell her you think her son may have accidentally put the wrong bill in your son’s card because $100 is an unusually high dollar amount to give a classmate. Use Google translate.


You people are racist.

I only mentioned Google translate because OP made it sound like there might be a language barrier to having this discussion, but I would say exactly the same thing to any parent of any race in this situation because no one has ever given my kids anywhere close to that amount of money.


This. OP owes it to that family to clarify. She obviously won’t offer to give it back unless it was a mistake.


Why? Because she assumes they can't afford it.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 13:03     Subject: Re:Too much birthday $ from friend?
Anonymous wrote:If it were me I would like to try to return it and say it is too much. But that could also be rude, so...


Returning a gift is rude. Write a nice thank you note. Maybe take the two boys out somewhere and use the money to pay for the activity.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2025 05:56     Subject: Re:Too much birthday $ from friend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You should tell her you think her son may have accidentally put the wrong bill in your son’s card because $100 is an unusually high dollar amount to give a classmate. Use Google translate.


You people are racist.

I only mentioned Google translate because OP made it sound like there might be a language barrier to having this discussion, but I would say exactly the same thing to any parent of any race in this situation because no one has ever given my kids anywhere close to that amount of money.


This. OP owes it to that family to clarify. She obviously won’t offer to give it back unless it was a mistake.