I was that sleeping roommate. Turns out I had an autoimmune disorder.

I would want to know, for sure. 100%. This is a possible serious situation.

I would leave my kid out of the decision making.

I would call the mom. I'd say, listen, Sally mentioned that Betty is sleeping a lot. I said, sounds good to me! But when we talked again today, Betty was sleeping. It was the middle of the day, and well .. after talking to Sally, it sounds like Better is sleeping like 18 or 20 hours a day. That's really concerning and wanted you to know. Mental health is such a thing now and depression can sneak up when there aren't any parents around really watching etc etc"

I would just reach out to the Mom if you have a relationship with her. RAs aren't always great and don't always follow up on these sorts of things. And this sounds serious.

Being irrationally irritable is also a symptom depression.

It is not rational to expect perfect silence at 3pm in a shared room of a college dorm. That snapping could be an additional symptom.

I would call the housing office and student services offices and ask for guidance on how to help this student.

Don't tell the mom. If your DD is anxious about being perceived as a narc with the RA, it's going to be ten times worse if her mom gets involved.

You need to give your DD some spine; she's old enough to advocate for herself. If the roommate is giving her a hard time about being awake in the room during normal daytime hours, it's impacting her as well. If the RA isn't helpful, she should find someone in the student life division of her school to discuss how to handle this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I slept that much when I had mono. I didn’t really realize anything was wrong until I came home from break.

I’d have daughter start by expressing concern to her roommate. “Are you OK? Do you think you may be sick? Can I get you some soup?”

If roommate blows her off, then ask RA what to do.

Good advice

This. But you should tell the mom too. I would want to know if I were her and God forbid something happens, you don't want to be wondering what if we said something instead of ignoring it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I talk to my kid about things she wants to keep private, I tell her yes except for safety reasons. I would reach out to the mom and say if this was going on with my daughter- I would like you to call me. And then give her the facts.

+1 You should reach out to the mom, you can tell her that your daughter doesn't know you are doing so. There is serious reason for concern here.

Totally agree. If this was your kid - wouldn't you want to know?!?

At minimum your daughter should tell her RA and says she is concerned about her roommate's mental health. My kid's school has a "Cares" team that students can be referred to if anyone has concerns -- there's an email address you can message to alert them. If there's something like that, you or she could write them.

As the parent of a kid who was depressed I would want to know. I understand feeling it's awkward and not wanting to reach out but this generally doesn't get better on its own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom I would want to know if my kid was sleeping this much and likely very depressed. Please do reach out to her parent. I’m sorry for your daughter too. That’s not easy. I would want to request a room transfer.

What if roommate is wanting exactly that. Then she can get her own room.(?) Anything is possible tho

And what would be the harm of that? It seems very difficult to share a room with a roommate who is sleeping so much. I would let the mom know ASAP because it sounds like a mental health crisis and see if moving is an option, for OP’s daughter’s own well being.

Anonymous wrote:As a mom I would want to know if my kid was sleeping this much and likely very depressed. Please do reach out to her parent. I’m sorry for your daughter too. That’s not easy. I would want to request a room transfer.

What if roommate is wanting exactly that. Then she can get her own room.(?) Anything is possible tho

Anonymous wrote:When I talk to my kid about things she wants to keep private, I tell her yes except for safety reasons. I would reach out to the mom and say if this was going on with my daughter- I would like you to call me. And then give her the facts.

+1 You should reach out to the mom, you can tell her that your daughter doesn't know you are doing so. There is serious reason for concern here.

Anonymous wrote:depression. Your child shoud express concern to RA.

This. Barring illness, that is very concerning behavior.

Anonymous wrote:I slept that much when I had mono. I didn’t really realize anything was wrong until I came home from break.

I’d have daughter start by expressing concern to her roommate. “Are you OK? Do you think you may be sick? Can I get you some soup?”

If roommate blows her off, then ask RA what to do.

Good advice

When I talk to my kid about things she wants to keep private, I tell her yes except for safety reasons. I would reach out to the mom and say if this was going on with my daughter- I would like you to call me. And then give her the facts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom I would want to know if my kid was sleeping this much and likely very depressed. Please do reach out to her parent. I’m sorry for your daughter too. That’s not easy. I would want to request a room transfer.

Yes! All you don’t meddle people, what if this was your child or your niece or nephew? This young woman could be severely depressed or have a different undiagnosed medical condition.

OP. This is a terrible situation for your daughter to be in, but she must go the the RA or housing office. She can explain the situation AND request a transfer. This way your daughter will not receive any backlash from the roommate.

I hope things work out for your daughter.

I would want to know, too.