For those of you who think “not my kid,” I am the cautionary tale.

We had all the talks with our very kind and introverted DS. Many times. At 16 yo, we thought he had decent common sense.

Never in a million years did I think that I would one day get a text with nude pics of him from a random number trying to blackmail him.

That is a very real and very scary thing that happened. I wish I had been spot checking his phone (and laptop) all along.

At the end of the day your children are just that. Children. And there are adults on the internet who basically have made a business of exploiting their naïveté.

If anyone thinks parents are “creepers” bc they want to mitigate risks to their children online, then you are also very naive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still wondering how parents think they are checking on their kids phones.

If you are just reading old text messages, you know they can delete individual messages right, and clean up a convo thread and delete pictures or hide the pics in a private folder you couldn't access or save the pics offline on a SD card or flash drive.

Ok, don’t worry about it. The entire world is your 12 year old’s oyster. Sounds like a solid plan. 12 year olds have great decision making skills and need no guidance ever.

Guidance is different from being a creeper.

Guidance is easier and more concrete with actual examples. “Don’t cyber bully” is generic. “Hey, I saw that your friend X was sharing a really unflattering picture of Y and people in the group chat were laughing about it. That’s not ok.” Is much more clear for a kid.

I don’t look at my 15 year old’s texts etc but she knows we could. I’m very open about the possibility. For my 12 year old, we talk about it openly. If she wants 100% privacy, she should get on the phone. I’m still parenting my kids and I’m not sure what your role is with yours re: phones except to pay for them. I imagine your kids are the ones texting mine at 2am on school nights. Anyway, whatever works for you.

If it helps you. Still ineffective, clueless actions, and creepy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still wondering how parents think they are checking on their kids phones.

If you are just reading old text messages, you know they can delete individual messages right, and clean up a convo thread and delete pictures or hide the pics in a private folder you couldn't access or save the pics offline on a SD card or flash drive.

Ok, don’t worry about it. The entire world is your 12 year old’s oyster. Sounds like a solid plan. 12 year olds have great decision making skills and need no guidance ever.

Guidance is different from being a creeper.

Guidance is easier and more concrete with actual examples. “Don’t cyber bully” is generic. “Hey, I saw that your friend X was sharing a really unflattering picture of Y and people in the group chat were laughing about it. That’s not ok.” Is much more clear for a kid.

I don’t look at my 15 year old’s texts etc but she knows we could. I’m very open about the possibility. For my 12 year old, we talk about it openly. If she wants 100% privacy, she should get on the phone. I’m still parenting my kids and I’m not sure what your role is with yours re: phones except to pay for them. I imagine your kids are the ones texting mine at 2am on school nights. Anyway, whatever works for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still wondering how parents think they are checking on their kids phones.

If you are just reading old text messages, you know they can delete individual messages right, and clean up a convo thread and delete pictures or hide the pics in a private folder you couldn't access or save the pics offline on a SD card or flash drive.

Ok, don’t worry about it. The entire world is your 12 year old’s oyster. Sounds like a solid plan. 12 year olds have great decision making skills and need no guidance ever.

Guidance is different from being a creeper.

Anonymous wrote:Still wondering how parents think they are checking on their kids phones.

If you are just reading old text messages, you know they can delete individual messages right, and clean up a convo thread and delete pictures or hide the pics in a private folder you couldn't access or save the pics offline on a SD card or flash drive.

Ok, don’t worry about it. The entire world is your 12 year old’s oyster. Sounds like a solid plan. 12 year olds have great decision making skills and need no guidance ever.

Yes for my 7th grader (who only has texting capability on watch and laptop, no phone) and yes-ish for my 10th grader. I tell her it’s not her phone, but rather our phone that she is allowed to use and therefore we need to have access. In reality, I check once every 3-ish months max if something is concerning me.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, semi regular check my 13-year-old's and she knows I can and probably am doing it. Have been pleasantly surprised by what I've seen there, going in to Halloween week there are several text threads about kids who don't have a group to be with and my DD and her friends inviting them in to their costume group and trick or treating plans.

Love this.

Still wondering how parents think they are checking on their kids phones.

If you are just reading old text messages, you know they can delete individual messages right, and clean up a convo thread and delete pictures or hide the pics in a private folder you couldn't access or save the pics offline on a SD card or flash drive.

Yes. When they had a flip phone I would check message threads weekly.

Now my kid has a (very locked down) smartphone with parental controls but knows we check it regularly.

Anonymous wrote:No...but they were schooled on internet safety, cyberbullying, grooming, etc, and are generally responsible kids. Kids are now 20 and 15. So far so good.

My kid has been educated about this stuff, too - over and over at home and school. But things can happen. And they almost did, thanks to the very strong influence of an older “friend.”

I check my kid’s phone, which is how I found out about things going on. My kid - thankfully! - did not do what was requested of him to participate in something borderline illegal online.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say I can read anything anytime but I don’t for my high schooler. I do for my middle schooler and she will also come to me for advice on how to respond to chats etc.

For the parent who said they didn’t because their mom was over involved, I would ask you to reconsider. Not to be nosy but I have seen some crazy things in group chats (bullying, racial jokes randomly thrown about, etc etc). I’m not reading to know who likes who and I’m not parenting other teens but it’s worth a conversatikn with my kid on how to respond and what to do even if they don’t actively respond (eg leave the group).

By hs the kids know better, but the middle schoolers are out of control.

You don’t think kids have these same conversations verbally? You think they only discuss things like that over text and nowhere else? Talk to your kids about those things, because they don’t happen in a vacuum. Snooping not necessary.

Of course we have those conversations. But in writing IS different. I know a kid who got suspended and had to talk to police etc because they were just sent an inappropriate picture and didn’t do anything. Better safe than sorry but you do you.

Yes. 13yo 8th grade DD. Got the phone for MS.
I can “ spot check” her phone at any time and she has to hand it over. If she doesn’t she loses it. I’ve only done that twice.
I check her messages about once a week on the down low. I’ve found videos of a friend vaping that she texted to DD and found out the same friend gave my kid gummies because I saw it in texts. They’re both 13. Turns out the vape and the gummies belonged to the Dad. I never would have known.
My kid is generally responsible too, and I’ve talked to her about internet safety, how people lure kids etc. it doesn’t matter, check their phones

Anonymous wrote:I say I can read anything anytime but I don’t for my high schooler. I do for my middle schooler and she will also come to me for advice on how to respond to chats etc.

For the parent who said they didn’t because their mom was over involved, I would ask you to reconsider. Not to be nosy but I have seen some crazy things in group chats (bullying, racial jokes randomly thrown about, etc etc). I’m not reading to know who likes who and I’m not parenting other teens but it’s worth a conversatikn with my kid on how to respond and what to do even if they don’t actively respond (eg leave the group).

By hs the kids know better, but the middle schoolers are out of control.

You don’t think kids have these same conversations verbally? You think they only discuss things like that over text and nowhere else? Talk to your kids about those things, because they don’t happen in a vacuum. Snooping not necessary.

I say I can read anything anytime but I don’t for my high schooler. I do for my middle schooler and she will also come to me for advice on how to respond to chats etc.

For the parent who said they didn’t because their mom was over involved, I would ask you to reconsider. Not to be nosy but I have seen some crazy things in group chats (bullying, racial jokes randomly thrown about, etc etc). I’m not reading to know who likes who and I’m not parenting other teens but it’s worth a conversatikn with my kid on how to respond and what to do even if they don’t actively respond (eg leave the group).

By hs the kids know better, but the middle schoolers are out of control.

In middle school yes, but not by high school. More of an "I'm here if you need me" approach at that age. If there had been noticeable bad behavior or if they got in trouble at school or something, we would have become much more strict (and we openly told them that, so they were on notice not to misbehave -- or at least not to get caught I suppose).