Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let him swim for fun and stop pushign competative.

That’s a very simplistic and dismissive response. Some of these kids care very much about their sport and by 13, it can be a major part of their life, social circle, and identity. And timing of physical development is something that can’t be controlled. Dismissing a child’s concerns and feelings is helpful to no one.

OK, so let him be a loser who is ashamed of his body and no grit or character for working with a handicap.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let him swim for fun and stop pushign competative.

That’s a very simplistic and dismissive response. Some of these kids care very much about their sport and by 13, it can be a major part of their life, social circle, and identity. And timing of physical development is something that can’t be controlled. Dismissing a child’s concerns and feelings is helpful to no one.

Different poster, but I'm not sure why you're taking umbrage. Having the kid keep practicing but not sign up for meets is good advice.

If your goal is to continue being a competitive swimmer just opting out of the competitions isn’t a realistic suggestion.

Sure it is. It's the practicing where progress is made. And it's only the meets where he's 'falling behind.' Keep the practice and pause the meets until either his confidence comes back or he grows some.

There is literally no serious training group that would allow this. The smaller boys at this age are also falling behind in practice, because they can’t keep pace with the other boys in term of the intervals. It’s also a pretty terrible mental approach to say I’m quitting meets because I’m not placing as highly as I would like.

If your team would not let an athlete going through a mental health crisis take a step back from the competition side of swimming, then you are swimming for the wrong team.

How have we gotten to mental health crisis?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let him swim for fun and stop pushign competative.

That’s a very simplistic and dismissive response. Some of these kids care very much about their sport and by 13, it can be a major part of their life, social circle, and identity. And timing of physical development is something that can’t be controlled. Dismissing a child’s concerns and feelings is helpful to no one.

Different poster, but I'm not sure why you're taking umbrage. Having the kid keep practicing but not sign up for meets is good advice.

If your goal is to continue being a competitive swimmer just opting out of the competitions isn’t a realistic suggestion.

Sure it is. It's the practicing where progress is made. And it's only the meets where he's 'falling behind.' Keep the practice and pause the meets until either his confidence comes back or he grows some.

There is literally no serious training group that would allow this. The smaller boys at this age are also falling behind in practice, because they can’t keep pace with the other boys in term of the intervals. It’s also a pretty terrible mental approach to say I’m quitting meets because I’m not placing as highly as I would like.

If your team would not let an athlete going through a mental health crisis take a step back from the competition side of swimming, then you are swimming for the wrong team.

this is a bit of an exaggeration. frustration does not equal mental health crisis.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let him swim for fun and stop pushign competative.

That’s a very simplistic and dismissive response. Some of these kids care very much about their sport and by 13, it can be a major part of their life, social circle, and identity. And timing of physical development is something that can’t be controlled. Dismissing a child’s concerns and feelings is helpful to no one.

Different poster, but I'm not sure why you're taking umbrage. Having the kid keep practicing but not sign up for meets is good advice.

If your goal is to continue being a competitive swimmer just opting out of the competitions isn’t a realistic suggestion.

Sure it is. It's the practicing where progress is made. And it's only the meets where he's 'falling behind.' Keep the practice and pause the meets until either his confidence comes back or he grows some.

There is literally no serious training group that would allow this. The smaller boys at this age are also falling behind in practice, because they can’t keep pace with the other boys in term of the intervals. It’s also a pretty terrible mental approach to say I’m quitting meets because I’m not placing as highly as I would like.

If your team would not let an athlete going through a mental health crisis take a step back from the competition side of swimming, then you are swimming for the wrong team.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he's doing great. He should focus on his own development and look around less.

If he's like my teen boys, then encouragement/praise from you will fall flat. He'll need to figure out his internal motivation; just sucks that you might have to just be there and observe when the instinct is "how can i help you get through this". Like others have said, this isn't just a swimming thing. At this age, differences abound (soccer, lacrosse, etc. etc. etc.). So if the focus only is winning and best times, then disappointment is inevitable at all levels of competition.

Put a “Just keep swimming” poster with a picture of Dory from Finding Nemo on his bedroom door

YOU need a positive attitude so he can remember why he’s doing this and just keep going until he gets his growth spurt and he’s on even ground. It’ll come soon. Remember what’s good about swimming besides winning.

It sounds like he's doing great. He should focus on his own development and look around less.

Both of my DS were late bloomers, they were generally BB/A swimmers through AG swimming and never got NCSA/Futures cuts until Junior year. The key was they loved it and stuck with it even though they were never the fastest until the tail end of HS. Both now swim in college - one D1 and one a competitive DIII.

“My child has NCSA cuts despite temporary physical disadvantages, and is discouraged by his lack of success”.

Discouraged by what? That he is better than 97% of the swimmers out there? That his dad isn’t 6’8”?

If you have NCSA cuts, you have won a lot of medals; you are very successful. And not only that, he has done it with skill/athleticism, whereas others have done it with skill/athleticism/physical ability. He still has more physical ability yet to develop.

It should not be difficult as a parent to get your child to understand this, how well he is doing, and to be encouraged.

It’s really hard. I’d acknowledge his feelings, praise improvements, and then use humor to get through. If he’s making cut times, he’s doing great. Keep it light, joke about how he did great considering he was swimming against The Rock the next lane, and act like it’s not the end of the world if he stops making some cuts at this stage - it’s just middle school swimming and his two me may yet come again (and if it doesn’t, that’s okay too). He’ll take a lot of cues from you.

On the flip side, one of my boys developed really early and struggled on the other side. All his big drops were at 12-13 and 15-16 has been tough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How tall do you expect him to get?

Doctor’s calculator estimated 6’0-6’2 final height. Right now he is only about 5’4.5 and very thin and boyish (no apparent physical changes though I know the first signs aren’t necessarily outwardly visible). He’s about 100 pounds.

So he sounds like my swimmer. Dad is 6'4" and I am 5'8" - so generally you average parents height for a wild guess on height and then plus or minus 2 inches in either direction. Likely my son will be 6iish BUT dad and I were both late bloomers and with men that can mean growing and filling out through college. Not ideal for swimmers.

I am actually encouraging running. Because physically your boy and my boy can excel. Stop focusing on the competition. My kid is 15 and still swimming but it is tenuous with boys. Make sure he has a really good group of friends in his lane that he likes hanging out with in practice and out of practice, if you want him to continue to swim. If he doesn't have that, he will quit by 16.

I know you didn't like the other posters answer about having fun -but that is what the focus should be if you want him to continue. Swim should be something he does for the social, that it makes him feel better, and he loves to go. If that is not primary, he will quit when he is not keeping up or not making time drops.

Many boys are slow before, during, and after puberty. Be reasonable with what your DC can and is incapable of doing, then adjust. Don’t be the parent trying to make your DC into something that they are not. They will thank you later.

Anonymous wrote:It’s a disingenuous to write “so many of the boys are there [fastest group] because their development has given them the physical strength to get the necessary cuts.”

Swimming is cut and dry. The fastest kids are there. It isn’t like soccer or baseball where there is so much favoritism and there is often a difference of opinion who is the better player. Those swimmers are there because they are the fastest right now.

Then you wrote, “when he finally starts developing he will see the same massive improvements the others are getting with development.”

Well that may or may not happen. It isn’t a given.

Stop disparaging other swimmers to make your kid feel better.

No one is disparaging. You seem like you either don’t know much about swimming or are defensive. The time standards and cuts for 13-14 boys are set as they are because many of the boys have gone through puberty. Look at the times compared to 13-14 girls. The massive differences are due to the obvious physical advantages of male puberty. If a boy has not gone through puberty and is keeping up with those time standards, it’s pretty clear cut that he has more talent than those who have experienced the benefits of puberty and are posting similar times. That’s not disparaging, just a fact.

Yes, a boy swimmer will have pretty incredible improvements after going through puberty. It is, in fact, “a given.” Just look at the research on male puberty and look at the time standards for boys 13+, and you will understand.

It’s a disingenuous to write “so many of the boys are there [fastest group] because their development has given them the physical strength to get the necessary cuts.”

Swimming is cut and dry. The fastest kids are there. It isn’t like soccer or baseball where there is so much favoritism and there is often a difference of opinion who is the better player. Those swimmers are there because they are the fastest right now.

Then you wrote, “when he finally starts developing he will see the same massive improvements the others are getting with development.”

Well that may or may not happen. It isn’t a given.

Stop disparaging other swimmers to make your kid feel better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let him swim for fun and stop pushign competative.

That’s a very simplistic and dismissive response. Some of these kids care very much about their sport and by 13, it can be a major part of their life, social circle, and identity. And timing of physical development is something that can’t be controlled. Dismissing a child’s concerns and feelings is helpful to no one.

Different poster, but I'm not sure why you're taking umbrage. Having the kid keep practicing but not sign up for meets is good advice.

If your goal is to continue being a competitive swimmer just opting out of the competitions isn’t a realistic suggestion.

Sure it is. It's the practicing where progress is made. And it's only the meets where he's 'falling behind.' Keep the practice and pause the meets until either his confidence comes back or he grows some.

There is literally no serious training group that would allow this. The smaller boys at this age are also falling behind in practice, because they can’t keep pace with the other boys in term of the intervals. It’s also a pretty terrible mental approach to say I’m quitting meets because I’m not placing as highly as I would like.