Anonymous wrote:Are you dumb?

I don't think OP is dumb. I think people can get caught up in a relationship for all sorts of reasons. They can have low self esteem or they can be in love and not see the what's really going on for a long time.

The partner isn't necessarily cheating on their spouse but there's obviously something seriously wrong with the situation. These are not the actions or decisions of someone who actually cares about OP. It's just disrespectful and selfish. Move on. There are a lot of better people out there.

Please tell the wife

Are you dumb?

Next time he visits, ask a friend to follow him on his drive home.

Anonymous wrote:In a relationship for about a year, person is great but some things are raising flags. Says divorce is imminent but there seems to be no movement. Will not spend the night. Never seen their place. Schedule only allows them to be available for short windows of time, usually on a weekend but sometimes on weekdays and never more than once a week or every 10 days. Won't make plans more than a few days in advance.

I'm a fool right. They aren't really separated are they?

This has to be a troll. No woman dates a man for a year and hasn’t been to their home, unless that woman lives in a bordello. You know this.

It doesn’t matter, OP. Either way, he’s a complete waste of your time because he wasn’t completely single when your relationship started.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separated and divorcing people:

spend entire days together.
spend weekends together.
make future plans.

Really? I make plans with my STBX spouse to coordinate activities involving our kids. We don't spend whole days together if we can avoid it. We don't spend weekends together unless there's some kind of emergency. It's an amicable separation, not a scorched earth situation, but we still don't choose to spend time just hanging out. If we wanted to spend that much time together, we'd stay married.

You Misunderstood what that PP is saying. They’re talking about what the “single” separated person does with their new relationship.

What’s his name?

Ask for his divorce case # and what date they filed. Actual divorce can take 2 years from filing. And then you can look up the case online or at courthouse to verify it’s filed
If they haven’t filed, they aren’t really separated

Anonymous wrote:Oh sweetie, he is married and you are his affair partner.

This. You’re the AP. The wife has no clue. He’s playing you both. I’m sorry op. Time to move on.

Anonymous wrote:I have and the question is avoided always.

This is where you're foolish. Regardless of the question, if you get dodgy behavior, repeatedly, DTMFA. People who can't speak their truth are headaches waiting to happen, at best. This question has a straightforward answer. That you don't have it, despite having asked repeatedly, is a whole statement.

Never stay in a relationship of any kind with someone who can't be honest with you.

If it had been 3-4 months, ok. But a year and you’ve never seen his place and he’s never spent the night? Girl. You know the answer.

I’d send his wife a hey girlie.

Anonymous wrote:Separated and divorcing people:

spend entire days together.
spend weekends together.
make future plans.

Really? I make plans with my STBX spouse to coordinate activities involving our kids. We don't spend whole days together if we can avoid it. We don't spend weekends together unless there's some kind of emergency. It's an amicable separation, not a scorched earth situation, but we still don't choose to spend time just hanging out. If we wanted to spend that much time together, we'd stay married.

Separated and divorcing people:

spend entire days together.
spend weekends together.
make future plans.

Trust your gut.