Definitely I’d not allow smoking, vaping, pot, any drug use like that.

We have non-negotiable rules: no smoking, no red wine/coffee in our room w/ a cream carpet , no phones at the table unless critically important, no one currently in the throes of any addiction struggles, etc...

We have rules we flex on sometimes when we have guests (bedtime, chores, etc..)

I don't know how we'd handle the spanking thing. There's a level of spanking I could probably tolerate (the swat on the butt level) and a level I couldn't (done in rage, open handed palm to the face, clear pain being inflicted, etc...) I would, at minimum, be taking it as a learning opportunity for discussion w/ my kids. If it's a level I'm not comofrtable with I'd talk to my brother directly.

I have refused to allow family members back into our house after they broke core rules and it has been hard. But I'm firm. (Two instances - one smoked pot in our house and lied about it, the other is an active alcoholic.)

When in doubt, protect your kids - that's a clear bright line that can be clarifying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When family visits your home, which household rules do you think are appropriate to ask guests (including relatives) to follow? How do you handle it when your family’s parenting style or values differ?

Minor things, like asking guests to take off their shoes, feel easy to enforce. The same goes for big, clear boundaries, such as not bringing a gun into the house. But what about the gray areas?

For example, my husband and I don’t allow spanking, but my brother spanked his child during a recent visit, which really upset our kids. Would you say something in the moment, ask that discipline be handled privately, or insist that your house rules apply to everyone while they’re in your home? Or take another approach entirely? My husband leans toward talking to my brother before the next visit, while I tend to avoid confrontation...so I’m curious how others handle situations like this.

You can't tell another parent how to discipline their child and unless he is actually beating the child it is none of your business.

+100

As for house rules… if we are talking about other adults, I can’t really think of any. It’s pretty rude to try to control the behavior of other adults unless there’s some strange circumstance where they’re breaking your stuff or something. No smoking or drugs in my house, obviously, but this has never remotely been an issue with any guest I’ve had.

Anonymous wrote:Question is, what are you going to do when they break those rules? Because they are likely to. I am a longtime anti-gun household, but a guest pulled out a loaded gun recently.

Ok .. Please tell us more…
What brought that about?

👀

Anonymous wrote:Question is, what are you going to do when they break those rules? Because they are likely to. I am a longtime anti-gun household, but a guest pulled out a loaded gun recently.

The gun person would no longer be welcome in my home. That is insane and so dangerous. Jfc.

Question is, what are you going to do when they break those rules? Because they are likely to. I am a longtime anti-gun household, but a guest pulled out a loaded gun recently.

Anonymous wrote:No food or drink anywhere besides kitchen and dining room.

That’s a rule we have but I wouldn’t enforce it with guests. It’s not that serious.

I don’t spank either but was it a couple swats on the rear or more than that?
I think my only rules are no smoking/drugs in the house.
We don’t wear shoes but have a dog so it’s not a hard and fast rule.
I’ve never felt the need to ban guns. I work in a law enforcement environment so it wouldn’t phase me if a friend was armed.

Anonymous wrote:No food or drink anywhere besides kitchen and dining room.

(that's our rule but we feed everyone really well and the kitchen is always open! I'm already laughing anticipating the holiday threads where people have to sneak their power bars in their rooms just to get calories in during miserly in-law visits!)

No food or drink anywhere besides kitchen and dining room.

Anonymous wrote:When family visits your home, which household rules do you think are appropriate to ask guests (including relatives) to follow? How do you handle it when your family’s parenting style or values differ?

Minor things, like asking guests to take off their shoes, feel easy to enforce. The same goes for big, clear boundaries, such as not bringing a gun into the house. But what about the gray areas?

For example, my husband and I don’t allow spanking, but my brother spanked his child during a recent visit, which really upset our kids. Would you say something in the moment, ask that discipline be handled privately, or insist that your house rules apply to everyone while they’re in your home? Or take another approach entirely? My husband leans toward talking to my brother before the next visit, while I tend to avoid confrontation...so I’m curious how others handle situations like this.

You can't tell another parent how to discipline their child and unless he is actually beating the child it is none of your business.

Anonymous wrote:My house, my rules. I don't want anyone spanking or smoking, if they don't like it, hotels are always available. Basic etiquette requires that one remains a guest in another's house, which means you don't get all comfortable and start yelling at your wife and kids. You should talk to your brother yourself, you're an adult. If you don't, he'll never respect any of your "house rules". He obviously knows you're a pushover and does whatever he wants.

This. All of it.

I’ve spanked my kids. But it was always something where we’d go to a room to have a talk first. It wouldn’t be out in the open, and very unlikely while visiting relatives.

I think the more important question is who hits their kid in 2025?

Poor kid. I wonder what goes on when no one’s watching.