Anonymous
Post 11/01/2025 09:22     Subject: Re:Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say our rites are traditional. We are mostly Catholic, and all of my relatives who have died have indicated they want traditional church funeral Masses.

It used to be that Catholics aren't supposed to be cremated, but that has changed. I've had a couple of relatives choose cremation.

Lunch afterward at a restaurant or country club dining room. I dislike these, but my family does them.


That's often the hardest. Just want to go back to own place, often alone


I actually appreciate this - often family/friends that I haven't seen in awhile attend. You can't really chat/catchup/reminisce at the service or burial, so I appreciate having a more "social" setting. I guess I could stay in better contact with these folks but don't.


There was a nice lunch for the untimely death of one of my oldest friends, where I got to talk with their family and their other, newer friends.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2025 09:09     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic.

I was traumatized at being forced to go "view" my mom's body after her sudden death when I was a teen. I think the idea, which my dad and grandparents kept repeating as they forced me, was that I "needed to know she was gone" and "have closure" and that it would "bring me peace." I already knew and understood she was gone. I didn't want to see her that way. I hate that I can still see that imnage in my mind of my mom.

I don't go to "viewings" anymore and don't believe they actually bring any kind of closure or fulfil any usefull, psychologically healthy function to the ones who loved the deceased. I do think there is a grotesque kind of interest in seeing the dead body among those who didn't really love them deeply that drives this sick custom.


I suspect that the "viewing" custom, when it started, was OK, but became grotesque when other possibilities for mourning and disposing of the dead became more well known and accepted.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2025 08:00     Subject: Re:Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say our rites are traditional. We are mostly Catholic, and all of my relatives who have died have indicated they want traditional church funeral Masses.

It used to be that Catholics aren't supposed to be cremated, but that has changed. I've had a couple of relatives choose cremation.

Lunch afterward at a restaurant or country club dining room. I dislike these, but my family does them.


That's often the hardest. Just want to go back to own place, often alone


I actually appreciate this - often family/friends that I haven't seen in awhile attend. You can't really chat/catchup/reminisce at the service or burial, so I appreciate having a more "social" setting. I guess I could stay in better contact with these folks but don't.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2025 12:10     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic.

I was traumatized at being forced to go "view" my mom's body after her sudden death when I was a teen. I think the idea, which my dad and grandparents kept repeating as they forced me, was that I "needed to know she was gone" and "have closure" and that it would "bring me peace." I already knew and understood she was gone. I didn't want to see her that way. I hate that I can still see that imnage in my mind of my mom.

I don't go to "viewings" anymore and don't believe they actually bring any kind of closure or fulfil any usefull, psychologically healthy function to the ones who loved the deceased. I do think there is a grotesque kind of interest in seeing the dead body among those who didn't really love them deeply that drives this sick custom.


+1. I too stopped going to funerals for this reason. I mean, can't you have closure without seeing the dead body? Sorry - it's really unfair to the dead person to be "viewed" this way when they can't do anything to avoid it. Nice, at least, that they are dead and have no idea that this is happening. Too bad for the still living people, like you.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2025 11:53     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
I was raised Catholic.

I was traumatized at being forced to go "view" my mom's body after her sudden death when I was a teen. I think the idea, which my dad and grandparents kept repeating as they forced me, was that I "needed to know she was gone" and "have closure" and that it would "bring me peace." I already knew and understood she was gone. I didn't want to see her that way. I hate that I can still see that imnage in my mind of my mom.

I don't go to "viewings" anymore and don't believe they actually bring any kind of closure or fulfil any usefull, psychologically healthy function to the ones who loved the deceased. I do think there is a grotesque kind of interest in seeing the dead body among those who didn't really love them deeply that drives this sick custom.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2025 11:34     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Random Protestant. Cremate. Prearranged plans for mother and stepfather down to the urn for ashes. Made it very easy. They were interred at a Veterans Cemetery. I and DH will be scattered in a meaningful place,


Random Atheist - Donate your body to science. That way it will be of use to medical students and future generations. and you won't know the difference - you'll be dead!


Actually it's the same no matter if you are cremated, laid out in a funeral home and buried in a box, or used by medical students. You're still dead and don't know anything that's going on anymore. If you're at a funeral. home viewing, you don't know if you are in your favorite outfit, or how lifelike you look. Everyone is looking at you, but you're not looking back anymore. You are dead.

The difference is that the first two options cost money, are religious and use earthly resources and the third one is free and actually helps future generations of people who are still living.
Anonymous
Post 10/26/2025 21:09     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Members of my extended family got a deal with the local funeral home, so everything was arranged in advance, including the funeral mass. The rest of the family just attended.

We got a key to the mausoleum they're buried in, too, I've never been back


A deal? Buy one get the other one half off?


I don't know exactly what the deal was - but it was a deal to arrange everything in advance so family wouldn't have to do or pay anything. Family even got keys to the mausoleum when they paid their money -- long before they died.
Anonymous
Post 10/26/2025 20:41     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Anonymous wrote:Members of my extended family got a deal with the local funeral home, so everything was arranged in advance, including the funeral mass. The rest of the family just attended.

We got a key to the mausoleum they're buried in, too, I've never been back


A deal? Buy one get the other one half off?
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2025 23:23     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Members of my extended family got a deal with the local funeral home, so everything was arranged in advance, including the funeral mass. The rest of the family just attended.

We got a key to the mausoleum they're buried in, too, I've never been back
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2025 18:01     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Makes it easier if people left behind the details of how, what, where, who they want. If they didn't want Uncle Larlo at the funeral, one less person to invite to a luncheon


What do they care after they're dead?


They don't. They make these arrangements when they are living.
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2025 13:49     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Anonymous wrote:Makes it easier if people left behind the details of how, what, where, who they want. If they didn't want Uncle Larlo at the funeral, one less person to invite to a luncheon


What do they care after they're dead?
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2025 12:22     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Anonymous wrote:Random Protestant. Cremate. Prearranged plans for mother and stepfather down to the urn for ashes. Made it very easy. They were interred at a Veterans Cemetery. I and DH will be scattered in a meaningful place,


Random Atheist - Donate your body to science. That way it will be of use to medical students and future generations. and you won't know the difference - you'll be dead!
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2025 11:20     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Makes it easier if people left behind the details of how, what, where, who they want. If they didn't want Uncle Larlo at the funeral, one less person to invite to a luncheon
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2025 19:30     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Random Protestant. Cremate. Prearranged plans for mother and stepfather down to the urn for ashes. Made it very easy. They were interred at a Veterans Cemetery. I and DH will be scattered in a meaningful place,
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2025 19:24     Subject: Rituals associated with the death of an individual
Anonymous wrote:My family is Jewish ugh I hate their funerals.
Rabbi comes out says the person was wonderful human which was utter BS.



Everyone has something nice to say after it's all over