Not quite the same situation but in 6th grade my kid was assigned the new student on her first day. My kid was quite excited about it, she’s very social and friendly.
When I picked her up I asked how the day went with the new girl and she said “ mom, it was awful, I gave her to Larla” the new kid girl cane from public on a random weekday and on the first day used the N word, called kids fat and ugly etc.
Not sure why she came to our school but suffice to say she’s no longer with us.
Not saying your kid did those things OP but maybe there was a personality disconnect or something.

Unacceptable to me. It shows lack of insight by the school to know who would be a good kid to do this.

One of my boys does and one doesn’t. The one who does is very empathetic and takes care to make sure his shadows are included in stuff like his friend group at lunch, etc. he would be mortified to lose a shadow.

This is sad. My kids all had good shadows for their days. The schools should be picking the best of the best. It really influenced my kids into want to go to these schools because it was a good experience. If these kid are "the best" and failing miserably, that would sour me and us. It has nothing to do with their age.

I think the key questions are: why did the shadow ditch him and what happened after they were reunited? If the kid was just being flaky (eg. ran off to a scheduled meeting with a teacher and failed to properly communicate that), I wouldn’t read much into it, especially if he was apologetic when reunited. On the other hand, if the shadow ditched him to go have lunch with friends because he didn’t want to hang out with him anymore and other kids saw a shadow sitting alone at lunch and did nothing to help, this might point to a bigger culture issue at the school. It’s hard to judge from the behavior of one kid, but based on context, it could have some broader implications.

Anonymous wrote:Why do they use 9th grade shadows when the 9th graders often just started at the private high school? Why not 10th graders?

And why are there shadow days for applicants? I thought that was just for admitted students.

There are shadow days for applicants because it’s important for them to be in the school and get a sense of whether it is a right fit for them before they apply. Otherwise, you are applying to a school without really knowing the culture or the expectations. Ninth graders are used as hosts in order to give an applicant a sense of what freshman year and freshman classes will be like.

Why do they use 9th grade shadows when the 9th graders often just started at the private high school? Why not 10th graders?

And why are there shadow days for applicants? I thought that was just for admitted students.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, my current 9th grader didn’t know he had a shadow the day he was assigned! The story I got was that they didn’t give him much notice and it was only thru an app we didn’t even know he needed to have. I say that’s the story bc my kid has adhd and sometimes I don’t know what’s true. However, he loves and is very proud of his high school!

My DC had a shadow day where the assigned host didn’t show, and the admissions office had to scramble to find another shadow host. Who of course then wasn’t prepared in advance to be a host student that day. It went fine, but yeah, these things happen. They are kids, and often they are kids only a couple months into their own first year at the school.

PSA to admissions folk: perhaps if possible consider assigning two lead students to each shadow student, even better if those two students aren’t best friends. It sounds like ditching is fairly common and unnecessarily detrimental.

My DD was ditched at SAES, another nicer student came along and adopted her.

DD was ditched at Stone Ridge when she went back to visit to decide between 2 schools. It made the choice very easy.

I was ditched on my shadow day back in the nineties it completely turned me off the school and indeed I chose elsewhere, but it’s a shame that a shadow day can carry such weight.

If your DD liked everything else, I wouldn’t weigh it too heavily. I had a college athlete recruitment trip years ago, and my host was terrible. Doing drugs, late to class, barely remembered my schedule. I enjoyed everything else about the school and I committed, and had a great career. The host only made it one semester after my freshman year.

I’m sorry that happened, but I would definitely not write off a school based on one 14 year old boy. If he missed something and wants another shadow day there, I would request one based on this.

Yeah, my current 9th grader didn’t know he had a shadow the day he was assigned! The story I got was that they didn’t give him much notice and it was only thru an app we didn’t even know he needed to have. I say that’s the story bc my kid has adhd and sometimes I don’t know what’s true. However, he loves and is very proud of his high school!

I’m a pp who said I’d say this was a red flag. It’s not a reason to write the school off if other experiences were positive but it’s nevertheless a less than stellar experience. Presumably your son will shadow at other schools and he will inevitably compare and contrast his experiences. Maybe he wasn’t bothered by being ditched and it won’t carry much weight. Maybe it will. DS had a terrible shadow day at one of the schools he applied to and there’s no question that moved the school to the bottom of his list even while rationally he conceded there was a lot on paper to like about the school.

DS isn’t the best with executive function but I’m confident her wouldn’t leave someone behind. That’s a pretty low bar even for a 14 year old boy. That said, he probably would not volunteer to be a shadow guide in the first place.