Anonymous wrote:There’s another thread right now where a private school parent is asking how much money posters think she needs to be giving to make sure a sibling gets admitted to the school. Now we have this thread asking about mean mom culture at private schools.

Why are people subjecting themselves to all of this? Why not just go to public school?

Because you want your child to have the best education possible?

There are "mean moms" at every school public and private. Same with "mean girls"

And there are some boy moms that suck as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some examples of mean girl culture of moms? There are moms who I avoid but if I’m being honest it’s more based on how they are dressed(eg dripping with expensive bags, jewelry etc), but otherwise we haven’t experienced any behaviors that directly impact DD so I’m genuinely curious.

Expensive bag and a van cleef necklace? So mean!

Yeah. I would not assume someone in an Alhambra necklace is mean. Basic? Yes. Totally lacking in style? Yes. Mean? No.

Anonymous wrote:There’s another thread right now where a private school parent is asking how much money posters think she needs to be giving to make sure a sibling gets admitted to the school. Now we have this thread asking about mean mom culture at private schools.

Why are people subjecting themselves to all of this? Why not just go to public school?

There was just as much, if not more, mean girl behavior among the moms at our former public school than there's been at our private school. The way that *parents* treated my autistic child was one of the reasons I pulled her and her NT sibling out of public school.

The nature of a lot of privates is that they attract competitive people who feel they have high standards for themselves. Some of these folks only feel good about themselves if they are “winning,” even if that means putting others down. Some of these folks have anxiety that drives them to lash out. The trick is to find secure people and gravitate toward them. It’s usually possible to walk away from the drama.

Maybe I’m oblivious but I never notice any mean girl behavior from parents at our k-8 or all girls HS. I never felt excluded because I’m aware events have different capacities and relationships are different among different people. I think this is only an issue for parents who are trying to relive HS through their children.

This is the main reason we chose public.

Anonymous wrote:Yup.

NCS.

I know one Mom at NCS who is extremely sweet and nice - and for good measure she is incredibly hot!

Yup.

NCS.

In my experience, the parents were very nice but the kids were all turds. I was told by someone at the school that kids mature and become a lot nicer in 12th grade. By then, it's a bit late! The good news is that college is wonderful! The kids are friendly and it's a fresh start. If you have trouble meeting people, there's a new semester around the corner with all new students in new classes. Just get through high school - it's often tough and not easy being stuck with the same people!

Why would you keep your kid at a private where they are. treated like crap?

I just steer clear of certain moms, though I would not say that mean moms are pervasive at the independent school DD attends. If they were, we might reconsider sending our child there.

DD has a solid group of friends. We are friendly with the parents of her friends and that is enough for us. We also feel our child is getting a great education, which is what matters most to us.

When DD was in public school, we also had some mean moms. I think they were less noticeable because the public schools tend to be larger than many independents in the area.

Anonymous wrote:What are some examples of mean girl culture of moms? There are moms who I avoid but if I’m being honest it’s more based on how they are dressed(eg dripping with expensive bags, jewelry etc), but otherwise we haven’t experienced any behaviors that directly impact DD so I’m genuinely curious.

It depends on what years you're talking about, but moms can absolutely impact who is invited to what at younger ages.

Anonymous wrote:There’s another thread right now where a private school parent is asking how much money posters think she needs to be giving to make sure a sibling gets admitted to the school. Now we have this thread asking about mean mom culture at private schools.

Why are people subjecting themselves to all of this? Why not just go to public school?

Because these are not typical experiences. I have 4 kids who went through several different schools and never made a donation to get a sibling admitted and never had another parent be mean to me.

Anonymous wrote:My DCs went to three private schools in NYC over the course of 25 years, and I never really encountered this. Sure, there were some parents who weren't friendly or were otherwise socially awkward, but no one was mean or intentionally exclusive.

It’s not happening here either. It’s just in people’s heads.

The quote from that PP about the boys coming over is as close as I’ve ever seen to evidence of an actually mean mom, but it sounds like a mom who just carelessly stuck her foot in her mouth and then tried awkwardly to cover for it. Bad, but it happens, and it’s social ineptitude more than malice.