Anonymous wrote:That’s it

Ours are both at big schools, one had it a little easier (living learning center and had 2 great suite-mates to start) but they both found their people. Key is to put yourself out there and get involved in something. There are hundreds of clubs, all focused on something, that coincides with making friends

Anonymous wrote:Oldest went to University of Illinois and I thought it was a bad decision. He ended up struggling and hating it and transferred after sophomore year. It was too big of an environment for him, and UIUC is notoriously "sink or swim" for engineering majors. He's doing much better at the smaller, regional school that he transferred to.

He wanted to try it, though, and I let him. It was a mistake, but he learned something.

Where did he go?

Anonymous wrote:Oldest went to University of Illinois and I thought it was a bad decision. He ended up struggling and hating it and transferred after sophomore year. It was too big of an environment for him, and UIUC is notoriously "sink or swim" for engineering majors. He's doing much better at the smaller, regional school that he transferred to.

He wanted to try it, though, and I let him. It was a mistake, but he learned something.

I went to UIUC. Most people never even see most of the campus or have reason to venture out. Each college is like a school within a school. It's not nearly as big as the headcount suggests because you're confined to your major area and see the same people and buildings over and over. Since I wasn't in Engineering I never ventured anywhere near that part of campus.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Know and accept that you have a bias. You are most likely going to prefer - whatever college experience you had, whether a small LAC or large state school.

DH and I valued our large state school experience. So many options for majors, class sections, class times, different professors. No need to get a sign-off, convince a counselor if you wanted to change your major, drop a class, try-out a class in a very different subject just for fun. You charted your own course.

This is the right attitude. It sounds like lots of parents want their kids to replicate their own experience. But you loved that experience because it was a first for YOU.

My child would not at all like the small New England campus I adored so much.

They need something bigger, busier, thriving. The best thing we can do is respect our kid’s choices (so long as it fits our budgets).

+100

I wanted a BIG public university. I wanted big football games and tailgates.

Neither of my kids wanted that. They both chose mid-size (~7k) without much greek presence.

Anonymous wrote:Know and accept that you have a bias. You are most likely going to prefer - whatever college experience you had, whether a small LAC or large state school.

DH and I valued our large state school experience. So many options for majors, class sections, class times, different professors. No need to get a sign-off, convince a counselor if you wanted to change your major, drop a class, try-out a class in a very different subject just for fun. You charted your own course.

Ummm....many good large state schools have 75% of the majors as "impacted". So nope, you cannot just try a course, switch majors, etc.
At smaller schools (my kids are at 5-8K undergrads) it was much easier to change majors (2 of my 3 kids did so, one changed their major about 90 mins before registering for fall soph courses). It was very easy to take courses outside your major, switch your major, drop a class. The difference is before dropping a course you have to talk to your advisor/the dept coordinator for your major. Which is a good thing. They guide you and make sure you don't do something stupid---like dropping a course that takes you below "# of units required to keep your Financial aid"/etc. They help guide you to tutoring and extra help before you hit the point of needing to drop a course, because the goal is for you to succeed. An 18/19 yo needing a bitof assistance is not coddling, it's helping prepare them for life. In the real world good companies have mentors assigned to new hires to help guide them as well

What’s for you to regret? Your kid made the choice. If the choice isn’t working then they should feel regret not you.

Anonymous wrote:Know and accept that you have a bias. You are most likely going to prefer - whatever college experience you had, whether a small LAC or large state school.

DH and I valued our large state school experience. So many options for majors, class sections, class times, different professors. No need to get a sign-off, convince a counselor if you wanted to change your major, drop a class, try-out a class in a very different subject just for fun. You charted your own course.

This is the right attitude. It sounds like lots of parents want their kids to replicate their own experience. But you loved that experience because it was a first for YOU.

My child would not at all like the small New England campus I adored so much.

They need something bigger, busier, thriving. The best thing we can do is respect our kid’s choices (so long as it fits our budgets).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your kid. I went to a big state school. They expect you to be an adult from Day 1. No one is reaching out to check on you. You have a counselor you can meet with to discuss classes, etc. but you have to set the meeting. If you don’t do that, they aren’t going to follow up. If you miss class, no one is going to follow up. It’s a great environment with amazing opportunities, but you have to drive things yourself. If you kid isn’t good at that or is used to being coddled, it might not be the right fit.

You assume it’s not the same at smaller schools? My kid’s Ivy is cutthroat. Not the coddling stereotype people have of it here. The kid was in the hospital and still got no deadline leeway. You definitely need to be used to sink or swim- but he came from a private HS that was like this from day 1 of freshmen year. Parents had zero access to canvas, etc, no-retakes or extended deadlines and I never spoke to a single teacher or administrator all 4 years- so he was used to it.

Small does not automatically mean “coddling”. I also went to a big state university and did great. My roommate flunked out first semester—and that happens at every school big and small.

Also having advisors who check in with your student and are readily available for assistance is not "coddling". The kids are 18, college is new to them. Having an advisor who knows their major and who is actually helpful is not coddling. Having professors who teach classes of only 30-40 students so they get to know all the students is not coddling, it's called being helpful and having a meaningful experience.
Sure you still have to put in the effort at a smaller school, but it's much easier to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never let my kid go to a massive school where everything is overcrowded students are just a number.

What if that’s what they wanted and it was 1/4 of the cost?

If that is what they truly wanted, sure. But as we researched colleges with all 3 of our kids, each one quickly (smartly) came to realize the huge benefits of an undergrad experiences that is under 8K students. Our T50 state U has over 30K undergrads. All kids knew that was not the best experience for them (despite all 3 gaining admission, even to the "impacted majors they wanted")
Meanwhile at their smaller schools, they always get into the courses they need (sure it might be an 8am or not with the best prof, but they never had to wait a semester to take a required/needed course). They appreciate not having 200+ in classes, advisors who know them and routinely willing to meet as needed, e tc.

As a parent it's your job to guide your kid to what is best for them, show them and hope they pick wisely

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your kid. I went to a big state school. They expect you to be an adult from Day 1. No one is reaching out to check on you. You have a counselor you can meet with to discuss classes, etc. but you have to set the meeting. If you don’t do that, they aren’t going to follow up. If you miss class, no one is going to follow up. It’s a great environment with amazing opportunities, but you have to drive things yourself. If you kid isn’t good at that or is used to being coddled, it might not be the right fit.

You assume it’s not the same at smaller schools? My kid’s Ivy is cutthroat. Not the coddling stereotype people have of it here. The kid was in the hospital and still got no deadline leeway. You definitely need to be used to sink or swim- but he came from a private HS that was like this from day 1 of freshmen year. Parents had zero access to canvas, etc, no-retakes or extended deadlines and I never spoke to a single teacher or administrator all 4 years- so he was used to it.

Small does not automatically mean “coddling”. I also went to a big state university and did great. My roommate flunked out first semester—and that happens at every school big and small.

Please name the Ivy. This is an anonymous board, so you’re not outing your kid. And it would be really helpful for the rest of us to know as we consider schools for DC.

Probably Cornell.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your kid. I went to a big state school. They expect you to be an adult from Day 1. No one is reaching out to check on you. You have a counselor you can meet with to discuss classes, etc. but you have to set the meeting. If you don’t do that, they aren’t going to follow up. If you miss class, no one is going to follow up. It’s a great environment with amazing opportunities, but you have to drive things yourself. If you kid isn’t good at that or is used to being coddled, it might not be the right fit.

You assume it’s not the same at smaller schools? My kid’s Ivy is cutthroat. Not the coddling stereotype people have of it here. The kid was in the hospital and still got no deadline leeway. You definitely need to be used to sink or swim- but he came from a private HS that was like this from day 1 of freshmen year. Parents had zero access to canvas, etc, no-retakes or extended deadlines and I never spoke to a single teacher or administrator all 4 years- so he was used to it.

Small does not automatically mean “coddling”. I also went to a big state university and did great. My roommate flunked out first semester—and that happens at every school big and small.

Please name the Ivy. This is an anonymous board, so you’re not outing your kid. And it would be really helpful for the rest of us to know as we consider schools for DC.

I went to an SLAC but it’s very helpful to hear about the experiences of those who went to big universities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was nervous when my daughter wanted to go to UF v. a much smaller school. However, she has loved it. She has so many more friend groups than she did in high school (where she struggled to find her people). My only issue is that she is having too much fun and I hope that her grades do not suffer.

Hey, thanks for this comment. My DD has struggled to find her people in high school and wants to go to a big school and have a lot of fun. Happy to hear the plan worked out for your kid.

Mine also struggled in high school due to pandemic and distance from classmates.

In a big school, you will meet a load of people by joining a big club that meets frequently. Proximity and time are necessary to build those relationships!

We regret sending our DS to a large Midwest state school. He has not enjoyed it and has never really found his people. But honestly I think that has more to do with him than the school. We know tons of kids who have enjoyed the big state school experience and gotten a lot out of it. Looking back I just think our DS would have done better in a smaller environment.

Know and accept that you have a bias. You are most likely going to prefer - whatever college experience you had, whether a small LAC or large state school.

DH and I valued our large state school experience. So many options for majors, class sections, class times, different professors. No need to get a sign-off, convince a counselor if you wanted to change your major, drop a class, try-out a class in a very different subject just for fun. You charted your own course.