Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 22:24     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
Anonymous wrote:I met the man of my dreams a few weeks ago and it’s been heaven. I’m happier than I’ve been in years, and even though it’s new, I could see myself marrying him (something I never thought I’d do).

However - we just can’t seem to get aligned sexually. We do have sex, and it’s fine, but there’s no real passion. It often feels mechanical and like we’re going through the motions. Like we’re just trying to get off as fast as possible. We do kiss and do foreplay, but I just don’t feel any real passion behind it from him, which is killing my passion for him.

A couple things that may also be going on is that he’s very goofy overall, so when it comes to sex, I really never know if he’s going to do something like start talking in a silly voice (which is a huge turn off for me). The other is that before him, I dated a man I wasn’t compatible with but we had the most intense sex life, it was extremely primal and passionate.

I don’t want to lose a great guy, but I’m at a loss on what to do. It’s not just requesting specific acts; I can ask for XYZ and he’ll do it, but the *feeling* just isn’t there.


Sounds more like a you problem than a him problem.

You sound uptight and too much in your head. Loosen up.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 21:09     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
Anonymous wrote:You sound like you're too into sex and are kinda slutty


Middle schoolers need to get back to their homework and off of the mommy websites, brah!
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 21:04     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
It sounds like you’ve gone directly to the middle-aged, old married couple stage without ever experiencing a few years of the really fun, passionate sexy young lovers stage. I wouldn’t do it. You’ll need something to look back on later to remember the passion and compatibility used to be there before you settle into a more complacent stage. Without it there will always be “what if” questions and you’ll feel like you settled for something less than you deserved.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 21:04     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
Anonymous wrote:OP, have you told him explicitly, at a neutral time, that joking in bed is a turn-off for you? He can’t read your mind. Are you attracted to him visually?


I hear you on the goofy. I don't want a cartoon character in bed.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 21:02     Subject: Re:Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
Anonymous wrote:You will never be happy. You have a basically-perfect relationship, including a decent sex life, but it's not 100% perfect all around so you're going to nitpick it to death.

You're the reason for your own unhappiness, and should get that looked at.

You have low standards and give terrible advice.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 21:01     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
Anonymous wrote:I met the man of my dreams a few weeks ago and it’s been heaven. I’m happier than I’ve been in years, and even though it’s new, I could see myself marrying him (something I never thought I’d do).

However - we just can’t seem to get aligned sexually. We do have sex, and it’s fine, but there’s no real passion. It often feels mechanical and like we’re going through the motions. Like we’re just trying to get off as fast as possible. We do kiss and do foreplay, but I just don’t feel any real passion behind it from him, which is killing my passion for him.

A couple things that may also be going on is that he’s very goofy overall, so when it comes to sex, I really never know if he’s going to do something like start talking in a silly voice (which is a huge turn off for me). The other is that before him, I dated a man I wasn’t compatible with but we had the most intense sex life, it was extremely primal and passionate.

I don’t want to lose a great guy, but I’m at a loss on what to do. It’s not just requesting specific acts; I can ask for XYZ and he’ll do it, but the *feeling* just isn’t there.

He's the man of your dreams just weeks in? It's been heaven, but the sex is empty and rushed? Listen to yourself. None of what you're saying makes sense because you're lying to yourself. A goofy weirdo who goes through the motions only after you ask isn't the man of your dreams and sex that leaves you lonely isn't heaven. Have the courage to move on.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 20:57     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
Anonymous wrote:I met the man of my dreams a few weeks ago and it’s been heaven. I’m happier than I’ve been in years, and even though it’s new, I could see myself marrying him (something I never thought I’d do).

However - we just can’t seem to get aligned sexually. We do have sex, and it’s fine, but there’s no real passion. It often feels mechanical and like we’re going through the motions. Like we’re just trying to get off as fast as possible. We do kiss and do foreplay, but I just don’t feel any real passion behind it from him, which is killing my passion for him.

A couple things that may also be going on is that he’s very goofy overall, so when it comes to sex, I really never know if he’s going to do something like start talking in a silly voice (which is a huge turn off for me). The other is that before him, I dated a man I wasn’t compatible with but we had the most intense sex life, it was extremely primal and passionate.

I don’t want to lose a great guy, but I’m at a loss on what to do. It’s not just requesting specific acts; I can ask for XYZ and he’ll do it, but the *feeling* just isn’t there.

He's not your ideal man. You're needy and trying to silence your own intuition because you don't want to be single. The lack of passion and lack of feeling during sex is a huge red flag. You'll regret it if you don't listen and get out now.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 20:56     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
He's not the perfect guy.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 20:53     Subject: Re:Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
One of the most difficult things I’ve learned in dating post divorce as a woman is to let go really nice men who were not sexually compatible with me. I felt like I was committing self rape for the sake of not being alone.
I’m well aware how compatibility feels and I experienced it with 4 partners . It’s very rare for me and it’s a complex combination of behavioral, social and physical traits
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 20:36     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
Anonymous wrote:So this was basically me and my now spouse. Both kids on the spectrum, husband refused to get diagnosed but therapists have said pretty clearly he’s got ASD in the picture. I think the not really ‘feeling’ it and the goofy voices are signs you’re noticing something is off. We have not had sex at all in years now. If it’s not working for you in early stages it will 100000000000% go downhill if you marry and add kids into the mix.


Same.

Could be the tip of the ice berg of asd.

Or just super uncoordinated and goofy, but those seem like copes.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 20:35     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
Is he that bad in all social cues situations?
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 20:27     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
So this was basically me and my now spouse. Both kids on the spectrum, husband refused to get diagnosed but therapists have said pretty clearly he’s got ASD in the picture. I think the not really ‘feeling’ it and the goofy voices are signs you’re noticing something is off. We have not had sex at all in years now. If it’s not working for you in early stages it will 100000000000% go downhill if you marry and add kids into the mix.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 20:22     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
You are not a match don't force it and no one is perfect. I think you must be missing a red flag or two they all have some.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 20:12     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
Anonymous wrote:This will not improve. Throw him back.



😩
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2025 20:03     Subject: Perfect guy, sex life sucks.
It won't improve. In my limited experience the best sex is the crazy fluttery early relationship sex. I've had super crazy good sex with an ex. But he was a super drama person and we were not compatible at all. So glad that didn't go further. DH and I had some very good sex early one and it's still decent but not super amazing. Hes ok with it and I am too. Together 13 years and the rest of our relationship is amazing. I want to be with him stil and we still have sex, it's just not mind blowingly good but we are happy we get to satisfy each other. If either of us was not ok with this, our marriage would be worse off.