Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted at 3 weeks old and have known as long as I can remember. I absolutely loved hearing stories about how it all came to be. I think it's important that it's never a "thing" that's hidden. I can't imagine what it would have been like to be older and all of a sudden find out my parents weren't my biological parents.

My dad gave me a rose every year on the day my adoption went through. It's a lovely memory. He would send it to me in college. One year he couldn't get it to me because there was an unexpected snowstorm so DH went out and got one.

I am mostly Italian. My parents are mainly English/Irish/French Canadian. And they cook very very New England WASPy. I was kind of disappointed growing up that I didn't get that Italian side of things with learning cooking. When I was in high school, my dad's best friend's wife (who was nearly another mom) offered to teach me her family's Italian recipes. Which meant a lot to me. I married into a mostly Italian family and I won't lie, part of me was a little sad when DH, DS, and I went on a big Italian trip and DH got to show DS all the areas his family was from.

The hardest thing for me was always a family tree or anything to do with heritage. I absolutely love my adoptive family. I consider myself insanely lucky and I hit the jackpot. But it can be hard sometimes when you feel no ties to your family identity. I almost felt ... disingenuous making a family tree in elementary school because they didn't feel like my ancestors. It's hard to explain. It's not something that impacts me too much, but every now and then I get hit with a little bit of jealousy over people who can look into their ancestry. I just don't have any connection to my ancestors

Some other things....don't push your kids to reach out when they are 18. My mom felt like I was lying when I said I had no interest in trying to find my birth parents and she kind of hounded me a bit. I truly had no interest. I feel no connection to them. I'm thankful for their decision but they are strangers. I know their background and the circumstances of why I was given up for adoption and I'm good with that. I hope they've led happy lives and have never regretted their decision.

There may be times when your kid is a pre teen/teen is a jerk and says something along the lines of "you're not my real mom" "I wish I was in another family" or some variation of it. They don't mean it. They just know it hurts and I teens can be aholes. Try not to let it tear you up.

Adoptive parent here of a 13yo we adopted at 4 weeks.
Thank you for sharing that with us.
I’m so glad my DD has never had to do a family tree. Ever.

Pp here. Welcome. Yes, my 13 year old has never had to either. I think schools must have realized that kids come from all sorts of families and that it can create a lot of issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three adopted kids, different race so yes they knew from day one they were adopted.
We did “family day” to celebrate the day they joined the family. Every year they choose a day trip or activity and a meal and whole family takes day off and joins. They like it, it makes them feel special and they get to enjoy experiences together.
Their given birth names are their middle names.
They are from a different country, so we have learned cuisine, culture, some language, and joined friends and groups with others from that country.
We found it really helpful to have post adoption counselors and support groups throughout entire childhood.

I find it very interesting that you are NOT an adoptee but you felt it was your place to respond to a post asking adoptees their opinions about these things.

Why do you think it was okay to change your children's names? That's all they were able to carry with them from their original families and you thought it was okay to push that aside and make them middle names!?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like OP asked for opinions from adoptees, and a bunch of non-adoptee adoptive parents chimed in instead.

There are likely more adoptive parents here.

If there aren't the exact people you're hoping to reach on here, would you rather have no info or some info?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted at 3 weeks old and have known as long as I can remember. I absolutely loved hearing stories about how it all came to be. I think it's important that it's never a "thing" that's hidden. I can't imagine what it would have been like to be older and all of a sudden find out my parents weren't my biological parents.

My dad gave me a rose every year on the day my adoption went through. It's a lovely memory. He would send it to me in college. One year he couldn't get it to me because there was an unexpected snowstorm so DH went out and got one.

I am mostly Italian. My parents are mainly English/Irish/French Canadian. And they cook very very New England WASPy. I was kind of disappointed growing up that I didn't get that Italian side of things with learning cooking. When I was in high school, my dad's best friend's wife (who was nearly another mom) offered to teach me her family's Italian recipes. Which meant a lot to me. I married into a mostly Italian family and I won't lie, part of me was a little sad when DH, DS, and I went on a big Italian trip and DH got to show DS all the areas his family was from.

The hardest thing for me was always a family tree or anything to do with heritage. I absolutely love my adoptive family. I consider myself insanely lucky and I hit the jackpot. But it can be hard sometimes when you feel no ties to your family identity. I almost felt ... disingenuous making a family tree in elementary school because they didn't feel like my ancestors. It's hard to explain. It's not something that impacts me too much, but every now and then I get hit with a little bit of jealousy over people who can look into their ancestry. I just don't have any connection to my ancestors

Some other things....don't push your kids to reach out when they are 18. My mom felt like I was lying when I said I had no interest in trying to find my birth parents and she kind of hounded me a bit. I truly had no interest. I feel no connection to them. I'm thankful for their decision but they are strangers. I know their background and the circumstances of why I was given up for adoption and I'm good with that. I hope they've led happy lives and have never regretted their decision.

There may be times when your kid is a pre teen/teen is a jerk and says something along the lines of "you're not my real mom" "I wish I was in another family" or some variation of it. They don't mean it. They just know it hurts and I teens can be aholes. Try not to let it tear you up.

Adoptive parent here of a 13yo we adopted at 4 weeks.
Thank you for sharing that with us.
I’m so glad my DD has never had to do a family tree. Ever.

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted at 3 weeks old and have known as long as I can remember. I absolutely loved hearing stories about how it all came to be. I think it's important that it's never a "thing" that's hidden. I can't imagine what it would have been like to be older and all of a sudden find out my parents weren't my biological parents.

My dad gave me a rose every year on the day my adoption went through. It's a lovely memory. He would send it to me in college. One year he couldn't get it to me because there was an unexpected snowstorm so DH went out and got one.

I am mostly Italian. My parents are mainly English/Irish/French Canadian. And they cook very very New England WASPy. I was kind of disappointed growing up that I didn't get that Italian side of things with learning cooking. When I was in high school, my dad's best friend's wife (who was nearly another mom) offered to teach me her family's Italian recipes. Which meant a lot to me. I married into a mostly Italian family and I won't lie, part of me was a little sad when DH, DS, and I went on a big Italian trip and DH got to show DS all the areas his family was from.

The hardest thing for me was always a family tree or anything to do with heritage. I absolutely love my adoptive family. I consider myself insanely lucky and I hit the jackpot. But it can be hard sometimes when you feel no ties to your family identity. I almost felt ... disingenuous making a family tree in elementary school because they didn't feel like my ancestors. It's hard to explain. It's not something that impacts me too much, but every now and then I get hit with a little bit of jealousy over people who can look into their ancestry. I just don't have any connection to my ancestors

Some other things....don't push your kids to reach out when they are 18. My mom felt like I was lying when I said I had no interest in trying to find my birth parents and she kind of hounded me a bit. I truly had no interest. I feel no connection to them. I'm thankful for their decision but they are strangers. I know their background and the circumstances of why I was given up for adoption and I'm good with that. I hope they've led happy lives and have never regretted their decision.

There may be times when your kid is a pre teen/teen is a jerk and says something along the lines of "you're not my real mom" "I wish I was in another family" or some variation of it. They don't mean it. They just know it hurts and I teens can be aholes. Try not to let it tear you up.

Anonymous wrote:I like OP asked for opinions from adoptees, and a bunch of non-adoptee adoptive parents chimed in instead.

Anonymous wrote:Three adopted kids, different race so yes they knew from day one they were adopted.
We did “family day” to celebrate the day they joined the family. Every year they choose a day trip or activity and a meal and whole family takes day off and joins. They like it, it makes them feel special and they get to enjoy experiences together.
Their given birth names are their middle names.
They are from a different country, so we have learned cuisine, culture, some language, and joined friends and groups with others from that country.
We found it really helpful to have post adoption counselors and support groups throughout entire childhood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoptive parent of a 13yo here. We had a lot of sessions with Tony Hynes. You can Google him. He’s an adult black man adopted by 2 white women.
He advised our group if they had bio siblings or if we had any other bio info to tell the child as soon as possible.
If it’s part of the conversation from toddlerhood it’s not a huge shock. We told DD when she was 6 about bio siblings because that’s when we had the discussion with Tony.
She knew she grew in someone else’s tummy from when she was about 2. There are so many books out there to help you.

She developed in another woman's womb not her stomach! There is a huge difference as well as being impossible for a fetus to develop in a stomach.

Tummy mommy
Tommy tenant