Anonymous wrote: . . . Men who were utterly unwilling to consider alternate forms of physical intimacy, or a reduction in the frequency of physical intimacy - never mind the battles over the thermostat . . .

. . .

because of a hormonal process over which she doesn't have control and which is, contrary to male popular opinion, not 'fixable' with a trip to the doctor's office.

.

I deleted most of your post because you are: 1) someone who is extremely opinionated about marriage, but who never married, and

2) all your information about marriage comes from hearsay you heard at your support group.

Biased, much? (hint: you are extremely biased and your opinions aren’t based on lived-experiences).

Talk to women (including single women) who are actually using HRT before repeating your stupid claim that symptoms in 2025 are not “fixable.” You sound like a real dinosaur, PP.

The only worthwhile point in your post regards “finding alternate forms of intimacy.” Both women and men need to be more open-minded and accepting about this reality of aging (for both genders). We all die someday, but usually our marital sex-life dies first. Not many 90 year-olds still doing PIV. So yes - you were right about that one thing.

Anonymous wrote:Oh come on. No man makes it through 20 years of marriage only to suddenly suffer a divorce due to mishandling “peri.” He was likely a bad partner well before that and the kids being older gives his wife more ability to leave him. But sure blame it all on the hormones, never heard that one before.

Exactly this.

Anonymous wrote:“ He was talking to husbands and said that if they’re clueless and not supporting and understanding what their wives are going through, they will find themselves divorced.”

You can be as understanding as you want and still end up divorced, because the hormonal changes associated with perimenopause make her crazy. There’s nothing you can do to fix mental illness.

Men go through hormonal changes too. DH’s scent has changed. We’ve stopped being chemically compatible I think.

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

So I thought I was in peri because of hot flashes and hormonal swings (mid 40s) but maybe not because what I'm finding is an incredibly sharp uptick in my sex drive- every day would be great. Or is this a swan song???

At what age does Peri menopause start? Do women start noticing changes to their bodies at age?

“ He was talking to husbands and said that if they’re clueless and not supporting and understanding what their wives are going through, they will find themselves divorced.”

You can be as understanding as you want and still end up divorced, because the hormonal changes associated with perimenopause make her crazy. There’s nothing you can do to fix mental illness.

Additional stressors, no matter what they are, will contribute to the breakup of a marriage.

Peri and menopause have been tough on me, but I am doing the best I can. My DH just thinks I’m complaining.

For example, I’m starting to need to go to sleep earlier… like 930 or 10 instead of 11 or 1130. This angers him. He wants me up with the kids and also up to spend time with him. It bothers me because when the kids were little, I was doing the early mornings. Now, I need him to do the late nights. He’s not giving me the same grace now that it’s in reverse.

I do have the menopause brain fog, I forget things sometimes and I never did before. I can’t hold everything together as seamlessly for our family as I used to. I am working on it though. I am on HRT, and attempting to get the right dose, but it takes a long time. Again, no grace here on his part. He is aging too, and cannot do everything he used to, but just expects that to be fine with everyone.

It turns out that I am the one with the higher sex drive right now, and he makes little effort to please me. Again, when the kids were younger, and I was all tapped out, but he wanted sex, I did my best to make sure he was happy. Again, this favor is not returned.

He is having his own midlife crisis… No affair or anything like that, but he is angry and edgy all the time. Instead of apologizing, he has this mentality where he’s entitled to be angry. That’s on him.

I’ll stay for the next couple years until the kids go to college, but that actually doesn’t seem very far away at this point. Not saying I’ll definitely leave him, but I certainly think about it. Would it be a result of perimenopause, aging, or just him generally becoming an entitled, grumpy old man?

Many times women's looks fail, weight balloon up and the attitudes go sour so the men look elsewhere.

Try to get ahead of it with an endocrinologist and dieting and plastic surgery.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.drpsychmom.com/why-are-your-kids-allowed-to-grow-up-but-not-your-wife/

Wow, that “freeze tag” analogy is a real winner: I know, let’s explain how one of a man’s highest priorities is really just a children’s game and that he’s being juvenile for not letting such a trivial thing go. Great bedside manner, doc, I’m sure that really resonates with all the men in your couples counseling practice. Of course, even she hears how unfair this is, so she has to then go on to blame the men for unnaturally prolonging their own sexual interest via porn, because if they weren’t doing something wrong they’d just be peachy with the end of sex. PSA to the women here: I’d be cautious before deploying this particular analogy or sharing this article with the men in your life, it will be heard as minimizing and adversarial on a very important issue to them.

If sex is your highest priority and you cannot be bothered to learn and accept how aging affects sex (for both genders) then you are an absolute immature idiot. Personally I think a lot of the current trendy take on “peri” is reductive and wrong, but yeah, you need to understand some physiological basics. Otherwise what you claim to be a “priority” goes no further than your own d*ck and you deserve to be kicked to the curb.

Anonymous wrote:I think it just coincides with the time the children are grown up and out of the house. I plan on leaving my spouse in exactly 5 years when my youngest graduates. I’ll be 52 then. But I don’t think it has anything to do with perimenopause, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. fwiw, I’m waiting because I don’t want to deal with custody. He has addiction issues and is a narcissist and would be a terrible father if he was alone with the kids. At least now I can be a buffer. I’ve only just started noticing some mood swings and it’s certainly not helping our marriage but that is definitely not the reason I’m divorcing.

+1 - I have one foot out the door and am making plans for 4 years down the road if things don't drastically improve. Sadly I think my kids would fully support that decision, and it has nothing to do with perimenopause.

Anonymous wrote:In my circle, I’m finding its men’s midlife crisis affairs as the main cause. Sadly know 10 women in this situation

Amen, my DH lost his mind around the age of 50 - literally had a nervous breakdown and left his family.

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

Stop lying. That is not true at all.

Oh come on. No man makes it through 20 years of marriage only to suddenly suffer a divorce due to mishandling “peri.” He was likely a bad partner well before that and the kids being older gives his wife more ability to leave him. But sure blame it all on the hormones, never heard that one before.

I think it just coincides with the time the children are grown up and out of the house. I plan on leaving my spouse in exactly 5 years when my youngest graduates. I’ll be 52 then. But I don’t think it has anything to do with perimenopause, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. fwiw, I’m waiting because I don’t want to deal with custody. He has addiction issues and is a narcissist and would be a terrible father if he was alone with the kids. At least now I can be a buffer. I’ve only just started noticing some mood swings and it’s certainly not helping our marriage but that is definitely not the reason I’m divorcing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex stops @ peri.

Most men don’t know this (or figure it out too late).

This is a myth. Women just don’t want to have sex with men who aren’t good life partners. If you love her and help to ease her burdens, you’ll be fine and get lots of sex.

+1 Women (in general, with some exceptions) prefer to have sex with men they can trust, and who they actually enjoy spending time with outside of sex. That's why you see specific men dominating the dating scene. It's not some 6-6-6 nonsense - it's their personalities, whether they have grown up and accepted adult responsibilities, and whether they are good partners.

100% this. The best I have had were with women who really liked me. And I also noticed those women tended to be creamer as well in bed and also had orgasms quicker and back to back. The women who didn't like me for whatever reason needed work to get/stay wet and the whole vibe was usually off.

For us men it's different our d*k usually get hard regardless whether we like them or not

Just my experience though. I don't speak for all women or men.