Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of parents think they are doing great by not giving their kid a phone, but then give their kid an iPad with group chats. How do we raise the alarm on the group chats? NOTHING good comes out of the group chat.

Parental control software lets you monitor the group chat. Or just look at it every now and again.

Most schools having something like MS Office Suite or Google Education. There are group chats in there. So...they're hard to avoid.

I know of someone whose kid was using the chat in The Bible App inappropriately.

I'm not saying this stuff is inevitable or that you must give your kid a phone. But I am saying when you do give your kid access to any device - from a school-issued Chromebook to an iPad to an iPhone - be the parent. Install the monitoring software. Look at all apps with any social capability, and that includes Google Docs (typing in a shared Google Doc is a big way kids hide chats).

I got my 5th grader a phone (VERY reluctantly) when school started this year, because he is taking the bus home and will be at home alone for up to 30-45 minutes. We have two different neighbors who are aware of the plan and will usually be home in case of an emergency, but we still felt like it was important for him to be able to call us or a neighbor if he needed help, so we don't have to rely on the neighbors.

We could NOT find a "dumb" phone without any internet access (if you already have one, that is probably your best bet or maybe you can find one used).

My husband found an app to lock down any and all apps and so he can literally do NOTHING except make phone calls during certain times, listen to spotify family, and we let him have the weather app lol.

He originally had access to his camera/photos; however, we discovered he took some inappropriate photos on the school bus - another child giving the middle finger and so he showed us he is not ready to have access to that. NO access to messaging. TBH, kids can get in SO much trouble without even understanding the consequences through texting, photos, and of course social media.

He knows that if he misbehaves, he will have the phone taken away & will have to go to after-school care (which makes for a very long day for him). He will not have access to additional apps on his phone until he is much older, but I will allow him to call his friends and chat if they want to talk on the phone.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of parents think they are doing great by not giving their kid a phone, but then give their kid an iPad with group chats. How do we raise the alarm on the group chats? NOTHING good comes out of the group chat.

Good information. We’re not there yet, but thanks for the heads-up.

I feel like a lot of parents think they are doing great by not giving their kid a phone, but then give their kid an iPad with group chats. How do we raise the alarm on the group chats? NOTHING good comes out of the group chat.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is going to get a phone in eighth grade. END OF DISCUSSION! However in her fourth grade class a lot of parents are getting their kids phones. Should I get her an Apple Watch? Should I cave and get her a phone? A dummy phone? I think the other parents need to be better but I don’t really know what to do, I’m not going to get her a phone. Should I get her one? Great, now I’m crying!

No. The kids with phones don’t turn out well. Their parents are an anxious mess (“she needs one bc she walks half a mile home from school all alooooone!!”) and the kids turn out that way too.

- mom to older teens who has seen this play out

Yeah, parents are insane. It is last week of 8th grade for us. I have a 10th grader, 12th grader, and a current 8th grader (waiting for the end of the year for a phone). It’s fine. Honestly, there are very few complaints.

Anonymous wrote:Parent of teens here. Our kids' friends mostly got phones in 6th. We waited till 7th but we know families who waited till 9th. Pressure mounts every year. Get together with as many of your kids friends' parents as you can. Make a pact to hold off together.

Meh. This must vary by class. My kids’ K-8 started asking parents to sign the Wait Until 8th pledge a couple of years ago. Almost all of the parents in my daughter’s 5th grade class have signed it. Most 7th graders have phones. I assume their parents think it’s beneficial for the kids to have them at that age.

You’re crying? Buckle up, buttercup. The teen years get far worse with regard to peer pressure.

I’d advise to start teaching your child about it now, but how can you teach your child when you yourself don’t have great skills?

Start building skills to manage peer pressure now.

My oldest got a phone in 7th. It was a smart phone, but I used parental controls to lock it down to a dumb phone (no browser, no social, I can see what she does on it). We had family circumstances that made me need to be able to contact her.

By 7th it was pretty rare that kids didn't have some way to text, but there were definitely kids who didn't have phones. You just don't hear about them as much.

Anonymous wrote:Parent of teens here. Our kids' friends mostly got phones in 6th. We waited till 7th but we know families who waited till 9th. Pressure mounts every year. Get together with as many of your kids friends' parents as you can. Make a pact to hold off together.

Our K-8 is doing a no phones, no social media pledge. We just started this year with our oldest in kindergarten, and obviously she has neither (and she also doesn’t get to use a tablet at home). In her Pre-K some of the kids had tablets and she’d ask us when she was going to get a phone. Since she started at the new school we’ve heard absolutely nothing out of her about tablets or phones. Having a supportive community is so helpful.

My sister hasn't given my niece a phone yet and she is 17. I probably won't give my kids a phone till at least 15 or 16. They don't need them.

Parent of teens here. Our kids' friends mostly got phones in 6th. We waited till 7th but we know families who waited till 9th. Pressure mounts every year. Get together with as many of your kids friends' parents as you can. Make a pact to hold off together.

Only 3rd here but most of the other kids do have personal iPads, Apple or other smartwatches, video games, but no actual phones that I have seen at school. Some also have motorized bikes or motorized scooters which I think is crazy dangerous too.

Anonymous wrote:I have a fourth grader. He got a basic watch at the end of 2nd grade out of necessity since I started a new job and I needed to be able to contact him. He can only contact those on a list I approve, which are all family members. He has a few friends with apple watches that seem to call each other, and every now and then, but I don't think anyone that I know of has an actual phone. I think most kids in my neighborhood get phones starting for 7th grade or so.

Was your 2nd grader left alone? Why not just contact the adult responsible for him?

My DD just got a phone in 7th. Most kids had the ability to text chat earlier because they had an apple ID and some kind of device at home, like a wifi iPad, but not a fully functional phone. Watches started getting common in 5th but lots of kids had the limited kid watches.

All to say, I heard a lot of "but everyone has a phone" from my kid and it wasn't true.