Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like a weirdo

I mean, I work in biglaw, doesn't that describe most folks that don't leave and try to stick around?

With that being said, not a big fan of the almost name calling in this thread. I don't think it's necessary to call someone an "aspie" or that they're a "weirdo" if they exhibit behaviors that some might find strange when they're asking for advice navigating a situation.

I wouldn't say that I'm OCD about my daily routine as long as I can get a work out in at some point. Willful misunderstanding of other people's lives? Apologies if I offended you, I meant to include this earlier but I know for a fact that the information in my first post applies to the partners I work for/in my group. I agree with you it was a mistake to potentially paint ALL the partners at my firm with the same brush.

I said weirdo, not aspie.

The fact you are this weird probably shows through and yes that could hurt your ability to make partner, develop business, etc. Not owning a second home is the least of your concerns.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like a weirdo

I mean, I work in biglaw, doesn't that describe most folks that don't leave and try to stick around?

With that being said, not a big fan of the almost name calling in this thread. I don't think it's necessary to call someone an "aspie" or that they're a "weirdo" if they exhibit behaviors that some might find strange when they're asking for advice navigating a situation.

I wouldn't say that I'm OCD about my daily routine as long as I can get a work out in at some point. Willful misunderstanding of other people's lives? Apologies if I offended you, I meant to include this earlier but I know for a fact that the information in my first post applies to the partners I work for/in my group. I agree with you it was a mistake to potentially paint ALL the partners at my firm with the same brush.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a government worker in my 40's (non-lawyer).

There's nothing wrong with living a "minimalist" lifestyle, if that's what you prefer. Up until last year, I was renting a small 1BR apartment. Living a basic lifestyle allowed me to save $1.5M in my retirement accounts and buy a $500K 2BR condo last year with cash.

Assuming that you have paid off your law school loans and have a substantial net worth, it's time to consider what your legacy will be. You probably have the financial means to support a few causes at this point. I have substantially increased my own giving in the past few years as I have reached financial independence.

Also, there may be a few small luxuries that you want to buy. For me, I spend a premium on electronics, running shoes, Chick-fil-A, and travel.

I have to know…how do you spend a premium on chick-fil-A? How often are you eating it?

Hopefully, he/she meant buying Chick-Fil-A franchises.

I'm typically eating Chick-fil-A twice a week, but I also bring it to church events, so my average Chick-fil-A spend is $250 a month.

Sheldon ? Is that you Sheldon ?

So sorry that your show, The Big Bang Theory, is no longer in production. You were great !

What can we do to help ?

OP, you sound like a weirdo

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are you hoarding your money for? Like, to what end? It's fine if you don't want to own a four bedroom house or join a country club or buy a Mercedes. But you don't travel at all, try new restaurants, go to museums, take random classes at a local Y like wine-tasting or cooking or foreign language, take guided tours, take sailing or kayaking lessons, etc.

You said you'll donate your money to nieces and nephews, but it's okay to spend on yourself too.

I am concerned you don't really have anything you can talk with people about. Most people working in a law firm don't play video games. They may complain about their KIDS playing them too much.

You patch your clothes to the point it sounds like if someone else wore those clothes and ran into a BigLaw Partner at say, the grocery store, they'd be embarrassed. Maybe you don't possess that embarrassment gene, but that's the kind of thing that when the partners are about to vote on whether to make you partner, they'd say you're not a culture fit. You're not giving anything out that people can connect with you on.

I take slight offense to the word "hoard" here, but I'm 99% sure this was not meant in an insulting manner (if it was, ouch). For the most part, I just like seeing "number go up" as in my amount of savings increasing. Security blanket of sorts. My parents were not/are not poor and we had a middle class upbringing, so really, again, I just like saving money. I will spend on myself on occasion, but it's 99.99% of the time to replace something that has worn out and can not be repaired. For example, I had 7 pairs of Lululemon shorts, that I repaired as I would tend to split the seams from my gym gains. After repairing them for the 3rd time I gave them away and bought 7 new pairs (in different colors than the original set) to replace them.

I feel like the tv show/movie watching generates a fair amount of conversation topics. on the video game front, all of the other associates in my group (of which there are 5 of us) all play video games and play them with each other at times, but I don't think the partners do (at least they haven't mentioned it if they do).

50/50 on the patched clothes point, I wouldn't be embarrassed for a partner to see a patch on the back pocket of some jeans or pants but maybe some other people would.

OP, what are you hoarding your money for? Like, to what end? It's fine if you don't want to own a four bedroom house or join a country club or buy a Mercedes. But you don't travel at all, try new restaurants, go to museums, take random classes at a local Y like wine-tasting or cooking or foreign language, take guided tours, take sailing or kayaking lessons, etc.

You said you'll donate your money to nieces and nephews, but it's okay to spend on yourself too.

I am concerned you don't really have anything you can talk with people about. Most people working in a law firm don't play video games. They may complain about their KIDS playing them too much.

You patch your clothes to the point it sounds like if someone else wore those clothes and ran into a BigLaw Partner at say, the grocery store, they'd be embarrassed. Maybe you don't possess that embarrassment gene, but that's the kind of thing that when the partners are about to vote on whether to make you partner, they'd say you're not a culture fit. You're not giving anything out that people can connect with you on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Personal differences:

1. Studio apartment - Currently living in the same studio apartment I rented in law school. I do a yearly review of my belongings to make sure everything I own can fit in my car if I needed to leave promptly. No plans to buy a SFH but I would consider buying a small 1BR condo if it made sense. Want to continue being able to fit all belongings in car.

What is this about? Preferring a simple life is fine. But you sound eccentric. It’s hard to imagine that you can relate to clients enough to bring in business. On a basic, personal level- not just the superficial lifestyle issues you mentioned.

In another post you mentioned that you repair thrift shop finds. I appreciate that from an environmental perspective. However, if thats what you’re wearing to work, your level of frugality will negatively impact how partners and clients perceive you.

Just acts as a check against having too many "things" that I don't really need. Sticking to the basics as far as dishware/linens/etc. makes it so I don't have to think too much about adding objects that I won't use on the daily or at least every other week. If I find something during my review that I don't recall using during the timeframe then I'll donate it or give it away to someone on facebook.

As far as the repairing thrift shop finds, it mostly things like patching small holes in jeans/pants in spots they won't be easily visible. For clothing that will be seen by clients I buy that new but take very good care of it. If its a patchjob somewhere more visible I'll take it to an expert to see if it can be repaired without being too visible but if not then same thing, I'll usually repair it myself and donate or give away on facebook.

Do you realize that this is far outside the range of normal behavior?

Which part? the first part, yes I realize that. The second part, there are a fair amount of people that shop exclusively at thrift stores and repair their own clothing on social media so I don't think that is super outside of the ordinary.

Anonymous wrote:I think you'd fit in better as a partner at a Medium Law firm. You seem very resistant to being open-minded and like say, taking tennis lessons once a week. Your insistence on all your belongings fitting into your car is weird AF. I don't think quirky is welcomed in Big Law.

What is your plans for when you are head of a department or Section Leader and need to host a nice dinner? How will you pick a good restaurant if you've never been to any? Please tell me. your car is spic and span - lest you have to drive a colleague or client somewhere.

Open minded is not something that I have ever been called, so thats probably accurate. I was asked quite a few times in college why I don't have "fun" even though I believe I lead a generally very enjoyable life.

As far as picking the spot for a nice dinner, I've gone to restaurants before, but it has generally only been on the firm/law school/etcs dime. I figure I'd be able to draw experience from there and/or ask friends about any recommendations they would have. Car is cleaned/detailed before driving to meet clients or if I would need to drive a client/colleague somewhere, the car is just old is all, it's in good shape with no paint peeling or dents or anything like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Personal differences:

1. Studio apartment - Currently living in the same studio apartment I rented in law school. I do a yearly review of my belongings to make sure everything I own can fit in my car if I needed to leave promptly. No plans to buy a SFH but I would consider buying a small 1BR condo if it made sense. Want to continue being able to fit all belongings in car.

What is this about? Preferring a simple life is fine. But you sound eccentric. It’s hard to imagine that you can relate to clients enough to bring in business. On a basic, personal level- not just the superficial lifestyle issues you mentioned.

In another post you mentioned that you repair thrift shop finds. I appreciate that from an environmental perspective. However, if thats what you’re wearing to work, your level of frugality will negatively impact how partners and clients perceive you.

Just acts as a check against having too many "things" that I don't really need. Sticking to the basics as far as dishware/linens/etc. makes it so I don't have to think too much about adding objects that I won't use on the daily or at least every other week. If I find something during my review that I don't recall using during the timeframe then I'll donate it or give it away to someone on facebook.

As far as the repairing thrift shop finds, it mostly things like patching small holes in jeans/pants in spots they won't be easily visible. For clothing that will be seen by clients I buy that new but take very good care of it. If its a patchjob somewhere more visible I'll take it to an expert to see if it can be repaired without being too visible but if not then same thing, I'll usually repair it myself and donate or give away on facebook.

Do you realize that this is far outside the range of normal behavior?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Personal differences:

1. Studio apartment - Currently living in the same studio apartment I rented in law school. I do a yearly review of my belongings to make sure everything I own can fit in my car if I needed to leave promptly. No plans to buy a SFH but I would consider buying a small 1BR condo if it made sense. Want to continue being able to fit all belongings in car.

What is this about? Preferring a simple life is fine. But you sound eccentric. It’s hard to imagine that you can relate to clients enough to bring in business. On a basic, personal level- not just the superficial lifestyle issues you mentioned.

In another post you mentioned that you repair thrift shop finds. I appreciate that from an environmental perspective. However, if thats what you’re wearing to work, your level of frugality will negatively impact how partners and clients perceive you.

Just acts as a check against having too many "things" that I don't really need. Sticking to the basics as far as dishware/linens/etc. makes it so I don't have to think too much about adding objects that I won't use on the daily or at least every other week. If I find something during my review that I don't recall using during the timeframe then I'll donate it or give it away to someone on facebook.

As far as the repairing thrift shop finds, it mostly things like patching small holes in jeans/pants in spots they won't be easily visible. For clothing that will be seen by clients I buy that new but take very good care of it. If its a patchjob somewhere more visible I'll take it to an expert to see if it can be repaired without being too visible but if not then same thing, I'll usually repair it myself and donate or give away on facebook.

You sound OCD about your daily routine and stuff and you are probably on the autism spectrum if you exhibit such resistance to change and such apparently willful misunderstanding of other people's lives. What you describe about your daily life is NOT NORMAL. I'm telling you in case you hadn't realized.

None of these things will help you with career advancement in a field where social skills are important. You will plateau at a level where your technical skills, expertise and productivity are valued, but below the level where you are required to make social connections and valuable client engagement.

I've seen it all before.

I think you'd fit in better as a partner at a Medium Law firm. You seem very resistant to being open-minded and like say, taking tennis lessons once a week. Your insistence on all your belongings fitting into your car is weird AF. I don't think quirky is welcomed in Big Law.

What is your plans for when you are head of a department or Section Leader and need to host a nice dinner? How will you pick a good restaurant if you've never been to any? Please tell me. your car is spic and span - lest you have to drive a colleague or client somewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on your OP if you don’t make partner it will be for being too aspie, which caused you to make a post like this, vs the way you live. I’ve been practicing law over a decade and for 90% of my colleagues, I have no idea what their living situation is like. They could all live in shoebox studios for all I know.

I was thinking that, but I don't know. My husband and son are Aspie. They wouldn't think of asking a question like this. I almost feel like this thread is aspirational and there's no way OP is close to making partner. Whatever the reason for OP's aggressive frugality, it certainly grates on posters on DCUM, so it will grate on OP's colleagues in real life. Bottom line, how much better is your work compared to someone who is more normal?

I’m the partner who posted a longer response that thinks op has a cultural mismatch, and I also was thinking aspie. Also have a spectrum kid and he would not have struggled with this issue (his issue is not giving any thought to other people and social relationships, rather than overthinking it) but it is regularly said that you meet one asd kid you’ve met one asd kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Personal differences:

1. Studio apartment - Currently living in the same studio apartment I rented in law school. I do a yearly review of my belongings to make sure everything I own can fit in my car if I needed to leave promptly. No plans to buy a SFH but I would consider buying a small 1BR condo if it made sense. Want to continue being able to fit all belongings in car.

What is this about? Preferring a simple life is fine. But you sound eccentric. It’s hard to imagine that you can relate to clients enough to bring in business. On a basic, personal level- not just the superficial lifestyle issues you mentioned.

In another post you mentioned that you repair thrift shop finds. I appreciate that from an environmental perspective. However, if thats what you’re wearing to work, your level of frugality will negatively impact how partners and clients perceive you.