Youse guys are all richuns

My parents paid for college for all 3 kids. We help them out now that they are starting to show signs of dementia. They're in a senior living facility (independent living right now), but it still requires a lot of logistical support from the kids. Financially, they do not need our help. I would have done this regardless of whether they paid for college or not.

Anonymous wrote:… did you take care of them (could be by repaying them) or did you take the money and run? If the latter, did you feel entitled to the money they spent on your post HS education and/or house?

My parents paid for college, tuition, room and board, and we did the same for our 3 children. My parents are now older, and as the oldest daughter, the responsible one, they live near me and I am their caretaker. They don't drive, but the AL place they live in drives them to a variety of places (shopping centers, theaters, doctor's appointements), and if they have errands, I drive them on weekends (I still work FT). I also pay all their bills, and help when needed. But I am helping them spend their money, it's not my money, just my time

Anonymous wrote:My parents couldn't afford to pay for my college. I took loans. I am better off financially than they are now. But they are fine, and we each support our own families. It wasnt a big deal to me, I didn't realize at the time that parents were "supposed to" pay for their kids education, i thought it was my responsibility. I never felt cheated. It had no impact on our relationship. They were good parents, they just didnt have much money and I knew that.

Amen. It's in a higher income bracket than I grew up in where their paying or doing down payments is even a possibility let alone expected.

Anonymous wrote:Did I take the money and run?? What?!

Money rolls downhill. My grandparents paid for my parents' college education and then my parents paid for mine. I fully intend to pay for my 3 kids' colleges. They never expected anything of me, but I did say thank you. I think all any parent wants is for their kids to grow up and live a productive life. I'm not sure I felt entitled to it at the time, but currently I feel like you shouldn't bring children into the world unless you can support them.

I'm very close to my parents. I doubt they'll ever need money, but I would care for them if something arose. I don't think they could live with me though.

No. Money rolls in all directions - at least in my family and culture. You make sure that every one becomes successful and able. Which means that the entire clan will help with the raising and education of children, getting them married, getting them settled into jobs. So that when the time comes for taking care of blood relatives and marital relatives - everyone has the financial, social, educational capability to do so. It also means that people help for marriages to succeed.

If my nieces and nephews would ever need help for college tuition or living with us rent free because they get a job where we live - we would do that happily. Yes, we would keep parents, grandparents, ILs with us if that was needed.

Family solves problems together and everyone will do their bit.

Anonymous wrote:My parents have done their best for me and my children. They also did the best they could for their own parents, ILs and other family members.

Similarly, I will do my best for my parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, kids, grandkids.

This is how normal family behaves.

But, OP is giving me White people vibes, so it is always entertaining. I mean talk about messed up.

Now you've just made things weird. I'm a white person whose parents paid for college and I'm appreciative and I love them and will do what I can to make sure they have a good old age. No non-white people have weird family dynamics?

My parents have done their best for me and my children. They also did the best they could for their own parents, ILs and other family members.

Similarly, I will do my best for my parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, kids, grandkids.

This is how normal family behaves.

But, OP is giving me White people vibes, so it is always entertaining. I mean talk about messed up.

I have no idea what you are asking, but I paid for my own education. I was an international student for the first two years. My parents were not my sponsors. Nobody was when it came to money.
I took a break from schooling after AA, but went back to school when I was able to pay in-state tuition.
I bought my parents two properties and a car before age 30. They live in EU and the properties were not cheap.
My kids have enough money for college, but they also chose CC, working part time, and in state school.
I'm already funding their retirement.
My parents and kids are not spenders, which I appreciate greatly.
I retired in my mid 40s not because I made a lot of money at work, but because I doubled the money I took home before spending it and then kept doubling it.

We paid for college and down payments and very nice weddings for each of our four kids. They’re grateful and we’re close. I don’t know if they felt “entitled” to it but they certainly expected it and weren’t shy about asking.

Mine paid for college that my very generous merit aid didn't cover. Their parents paid for my nanny when I was little and both my parents were working. She parents paid full freight for a SLAC school. They all have more $ in retirement than we do now as our house and childcare is so much more expensive with similar salaries. We spend a lot of time with both sets of grandparents, provide tech support for their devices, take them to and from the airport when they travel etc etc. and we will be able to pay for our kids college, weddings etc because we were debt free after our own college and started saving a little at a time early on.

My parents paid for me to go to an Ivy League school. I visited my parents regularly as an adult and made sure my mom was well cared for when she had Parkinson's, but we were not close when I was a kid and were not particularly close when I was an adult. I did not visit more because my parents paid for college - but if they had refused to pay for college when they could clearly afford it, that would have impacted our relationship and I might have visited less.

My mom was very into status and really wanted me to go to a top college - she was clear she would only pay for a private college if I got into an Ivy or Stanford. I worked by tail off to get into an Ivy (this was back when straight As, 1500 SATs and being president of a couple clubs was enough!) and she loved telling everyone where I went to college so I feel like she got a lot out of it too. They did not help me with a house because my husband already owned a place when we got married but I did eventually inherit money - you can't take it with you.

I plan to pay for my kids to go to college and don't really expect anything extra from them in return. We can afford it and want our kids to get a good education. There is nothing I would rather spend my money on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not about repaying parents financially. I’m interested in whether people felt entitled to the money like you expected it. If your parents did not pay, would you have made the same like choices? Would your relationship with your parents be different?

-OP

Yes, I expected it. They sent me and my brother to a private high school and always prioritzed education over vacations.

We prioritize education over vacations too. Still not paying completely for college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not about repaying parents financially. I’m interested in whether people felt entitled to the money like you expected it. If your parents did not pay, would you have made the same like choices? Would your relationship with your parents be different?

-OP

And yet your op literally asks: did you take care of them (could be by repaying them)

Fair enough — I added the parentheses at the last minute.

Anonymous wrote:Did I take the money and run?? What?!

Money rolls downhill. My grandparents paid for my parents' college education and then my parents paid for mine. I fully intend to pay for my 3 kids' colleges. They never expected anything of me, but I did say thank you. I think all any parent wants is for their kids to grow up and live a productive life. I'm not sure I felt entitled to it at the time, but currently I feel like you shouldn't bring children into the world unless you can support them.

I'm very close to my parents. I doubt they'll ever need money, but I would care for them if something arose. I don't think they could live with me though.

Money doesn’t pay for everything. My elderly, childless relative is finding that out. He is out of state and I do what I can, but often the senior and assisted living apartment people often tell him that things he is asking for and willing to pay for are not available and he need family.

I’m also of the opinion that even if parents can afford it, children should be largely the responsible for paying for college, wedding, and housing. If they are not financially able yet, they may need to wait. So many young people in the DMV are out of touch with the real world. Give them a couple thousand (if you’re able) here and there but the responsibility remains with the person who is going to college, getting married, or buying a house.

As for money rolling down hill, maybe it shouldn’t roll at all.

FWIW I paid for college, house, wedding on my own (the last two with a spouse).

Anonymous wrote:This is not about repaying parents financially. I’m interested in whether people felt entitled to the money like you expected it. If your parents did not pay, would you have made the same like choices? Would your relationship with your parents be different?

-OP

And yet your op literally asks: did you take care of them (could be by repaying them)