Anonymous wrote:Medication doesn't fix everything like being mean spirited. This is behavioral and should be addressed by parents and the school. ADHD isn't an excuse to be mean and your child should be reprimanded the same way any other kid would in school. At home, you've got work to do.

None of this is a strategy. It’s just shaming OP and her kid.

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing. He is not doing it intentionally. He is impulsive. So, having him write a letter each time will not help with his impulsiveness or that he seeks attention. A child that elopes will keep eloping even if you hit them on the bottom each time. I work in SPED. Have him write down a list of jokes. That list gets shared at recess for laughs. Appropriate time to be silly and goofy. So he is not name calling but instead telling jokes for laughs.

You need to have higher expectations. Kids can learn appropriate behavior. the issue here appears to be that OP is making a mountain out of a molehill though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medication doesn't fix everything like being mean spirited. This is behavioral and should be addressed by parents and the school. ADHD isn't an excuse to be mean and your child should be reprimanded the same way any other kid would in school. At home, you've got work to do.

He’s not mean spirited at all. I was always worried he’d be teased, if anything, because he is socially awkward and into sciency type things. But I think he’s gotten positive reinforcement from peers for saying mean things (and they’re not really mean - it’s like rhyming someone’s name in a way that annoys them more than being mean) and he’s so eager for the social connection that he’s repeating that. Obviously it’s not okay that it’s happening, but I only happened to hear about it through a private coach I hire to come into the school and work with him on executive functioning, and not from the teachers or anything, so I don’t think it’s a major issue as much as someone I have working closely with my son telling me that this is a social development area for him.

But yes, we do have work to do with him behaviorally. He is developmentally delayed in executive functioning and emotional regulation due to his adhd so he’s going to have poor impulse control, which is why I asked for advice.

If the school isn’t telling you about it this sounds like an overreaction on your part.

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing. He is not doing it intentionally. He is impulsive. So, having him write a letter each time will not help with his impulsiveness or that he seeks attention. A child that elopes will keep eloping even if you hit them on the bottom each time. I work in SPED. Have him write down a list of jokes. That list gets shared at recess for laughs. Appropriate time to be silly and goofy. So he is not name calling but instead telling jokes for laughs.

+1

I have an older DC with ADHD who struggled socially when you bf er because even when medicated their couldn’t manage their impulse control. My DC absolutely knew what the “right” thing to do was, but they didn’t have the impulse control to do it. DC was medicated and the stimulant did help a LOT with things like emotional regulation and attention, and did curb the impulse control, but not enough for these kind of social situations.

DC was also (truly) sorry for their behavior after, but even if you say sorry to another child, it doesn’t erase the hurt feelings. That was actually hard for my DC to understand for a while - they said sorry but friends didn’t just accept it and move on. It meant that DC struggled socially for several years, and ruined friendships. It was really tough.

Unfortunately, medication and therapy didn’t help DC in the short term, although I think they were helpful in the longer term. Ultimately, DC just got older and managed to get better at impulse control. DC also realized that they wanted friends more than they wanted whatever felt good in that impulsive moment, and stopped. It started getting better around age 10. Now, at age 12, DC doesn’t have problems any more due to impulsivity. DC still at the same medication level as at age 8, so that hasn’t changed with time.

I think replacing the behavior, as PP recommended is more likely to be helpful to OP than strategies for stopping the impulsive behavior, which I don’t think is very likely to happen without medication changes.

I have an ADHD kid like this. He gets impulsive when he's bored and does something that is likely to get a reaction. The reaction might be yelling, but the yelling is exciting to him. And less boring than sitting there listening to someone explain addition or whatever else they're doing.

What helped my kid was finding rewards for behaving in an appropriate way (it was all laid out by the teacher). A day of good behavior got a lot of praise at home. Two days got more praise, maybe a special thing he liked to do. (My kid likes to jump on bubble wrap.) Go a whole week and DH would take him fishing nearby on the weekend. Find something that works for your kid, but lay it out for him.

Here is the thing. He is not doing it intentionally. He is impulsive. So, having him write a letter each time will not help with his impulsiveness or that he seeks attention. A child that elopes will keep eloping even if you hit them on the bottom each time. I work in SPED. Have him write down a list of jokes. That list gets shared at recess for laughs. Appropriate time to be silly and goofy. So he is not name calling but instead telling jokes for laughs.

Anonymous wrote:Medication doesn't fix everything like being mean spirited. This is behavioral and should be addressed by parents and the school. ADHD isn't an excuse to be mean and your child should be reprimanded the same way any other kid would in school. At home, you've got work to do.

He’s not mean spirited at all. I was always worried he’d be teased, if anything, because he is socially awkward and into sciency type things. But I think he’s gotten positive reinforcement from peers for saying mean things (and they’re not really mean - it’s like rhyming someone’s name in a way that annoys them more than being mean) and he’s so eager for the social connection that he’s repeating that. Obviously it’s not okay that it’s happening, but I only happened to hear about it through a private coach I hire to come into the school and work with him on executive functioning, and not from the teachers or anything, so I don’t think it’s a major issue as much as someone I have working closely with my son telling me that this is a social development area for him.

But yes, we do have work to do with him behaviorally. He is developmentally delayed in executive functioning and emotional regulation due to his adhd so he’s going to have poor impulse control, which is why I asked for advice.

The thank you note is a great idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked with kids like this. Each time he teases someone, he needs to write an apology note to that person and deliver it. The note should consist of four sentences at least and acknowledge what he did, apologize for it, say that it hurt the other kid’s feelings and was not okay, and promise to not do it again. He will get tired of doing this. It reinforces that we need to make amends when we hurt others. It will be very effective if you are consistent.

Wow. This is a great idea

Horrible idea.

Why?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked with kids like this. Each time he teases someone, he needs to write an apology note to that person and deliver it. The note should consist of four sentences at least and acknowledge what he did, apologize for it, say that it hurt the other kid’s feelings and was not okay, and promise to not do it again. He will get tired of doing this. It reinforces that we need to make amends when we hurt others. It will be very effective if you are consistent.

Wow. This is a great idea

Horrible idea.

Medication doesn't fix everything like being mean spirited. This is behavioral and should be addressed by parents and the school. ADHD isn't an excuse to be mean and your child should be reprimanded the same way any other kid would in school. At home, you've got work to do.

Anonymous wrote:I worked with kids like this. Each time he teases someone, he needs to write an apology note to that person and deliver it. The note should consist of four sentences at least and acknowledge what he did, apologize for it, say that it hurt the other kid’s feelings and was not okay, and promise to not do it again. He will get tired of doing this. It reinforces that we need to make amends when we hurt others. It will be very effective if you are consistent.

+1. And he needs positive reinforcement for not teasing.