Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 10:07     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:An EBF baby readily takes a bottle? That seems unusual. Sure you're not making this whole thing up?


My son was ebf but would take a bottle readily in the first couple months (like when I had to go somewhere and would pump). He only got bottle refusal around 5 months old when I went back to work (and he got over it).

Could you suggest she take the baby for a weight check? A decent LC will do a weighted feed too.

I mostly EBF (struggled a bit in the first couple weeks) but I firmly believe fed is best.


2/3 of mine definitely would not touch a bottle until 6 months. There's a whole thing about bottle introduction because it's a known issue. If the mother has enough breastmilk to pump then what is the issue?


Pumping =/= nursing. A baby sometimes can't transfer milk from the breast. This is why some women have to exclusively pump.

Could this be what’s happening? She’s pumping quite often because she’s building up a supply before she heads back to work in two weeks. It just seems, honestly, like baby is BFing for comfort and maybe a little milk, but then waking herself up hungry again. She’s completely content after a bottle and sleeps for like two hours.


Oof, she could also be pumping herself into over supply. Baby gets overwhelmed or gets too much foremilk which isn't as fatty.

This.emphasis on over pumping and freezer stashes actually makes breastfeeding worse. I was specifically warned off this by the breastfeeding center downtown.

Sounds like she really needs some help, are you guys downtown?

She is not seeing a LC, as far as I know. You may be on to something. She pumped twice in the time I was there, which was about 4.5 hours, plus fed the baby from the breast three times.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 10:03     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:First of all, find moments to compliment her mothering. I still have a very clear memory of being about to walk out the door with my first baby, saying "oh, wait he needs a hat!" and running back in to get one, and my mom saying "oh, you are such a good mom." So basic, so simple, and can really help her with her confidence.

Next - is she complaining (to you) or fretting about the fussiness? Then I think it's fine to say "you know who might have some good advice? A lactation consultant. They can come right to your house. I found mine really helpful." The first thing an LC is going to do is a weighted feed, so if you're right, they'll catch it.

If she's not complaining to you or asking you, and she's getting regular well-baby visits, the most I would do is report the facts. "I fed her 3oz from the bottle and she ate it all and then slept for two hours!" or whatever. Let the parents figure it out. I had a very fussy (borderline colic) first baby and lots of people gave me unsolicited advice about it and it was not helpful.

She is complaining and completely drained by the 24/7 cluster feeding. When I helped her yesterday, I watched her feed the baby and the baby almost immediately fell asleep, but then woke up fussy, and fed again. She put the baby down and went to take a nap, baby woke up and I gave it a measurable bottle, it fell asleep for almost two hours, then woke to feed from the boob, and the whole cycle started again.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 10:03     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:First of all, find moments to compliment her mothering. I still have a very clear memory of being about to walk out the door with my first baby, saying "oh, wait he needs a hat!" and running back in to get one, and my mom saying "oh, you are such a good mom." So basic, so simple, and can really help her with her confidence.

Next - is she complaining (to you) or fretting about the fussiness? Then I think it's fine to say "you know who might have some good advice? A lactation consultant. They can come right to your house. I found mine really helpful." The first thing an LC is going to do is a weighted feed, so if you're right, they'll catch it.

If she's not complaining to you or asking you, and she's getting regular well-baby visits, the most I would do is report the facts. "I fed her 3oz from the bottle and she ate it all and then slept for two hours!" or whatever. Let the parents figure it out. I had a very fussy (borderline colic) first baby and lots of people gave me unsolicited advice about it and it was not helpful.


Yep. My MIL drove me crazy telling me the baby had "gas" all the time. Everything was gas. Thanks, but shut up.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 10:03     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
how old is baby? can baby latch? what about a lactation consultant?
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 10:03     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:An EBF baby readily takes a bottle? That seems unusual. Sure you're not making this whole thing up?


My son was ebf but would take a bottle readily in the first couple months (like when I had to go somewhere and would pump). He only got bottle refusal around 5 months old when I went back to work (and he got over it).

Could you suggest she take the baby for a weight check? A decent LC will do a weighted feed too.

I mostly EBF (struggled a bit in the first couple weeks) but I firmly believe fed is best.


2/3 of mine definitely would not touch a bottle until 6 months. There's a whole thing about bottle introduction because it's a known issue. If the mother has enough breastmilk to pump then what is the issue?


Pumping =/= nursing. A baby sometimes can't transfer milk from the breast. This is why some women have to exclusively pump.

Could this be what’s happening? She’s pumping quite often because she’s building up a supply before she heads back to work in two weeks. It just seems, honestly, like baby is BFing for comfort and maybe a little milk, but then waking herself up hungry again. She’s completely content after a bottle and sleeps for like two hours.


Oof, she could also be pumping herself into over supply. Baby gets overwhelmed or gets too much foremilk which isn't as fatty.

This.emphasis on over pumping and freezer stashes actually makes breastfeeding worse. I was specifically warned off this by the breastfeeding center downtown.

Sounds like she really needs some help, are you guys downtown?
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 10:02     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:I think you are a relative (possibly mil or sil). No way a friend stays for 4-5 hours in a family with a newborn and check feeding schedule and diaper load


Agree. This doesn't add up. Probably someone against the breastfeeding.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 10:01     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As someone who had very bad PPD and anxiety, including over feeding, please do. (I realize you don’t think your friend has PPD but it sounds like she is anxious about feeding.) She might be defensive but that’s okay…and conversely she might be just waiting for someone to say I see you working so hard and I want you to know it’s okay to stop. The baby will be brilliant no matter what and your peace of mind matters. For me, I needed to hear it from a psychiatrist - I guess like…a medical professional is someone I could trust when they said just stop, nothing bad will happen. So even though she might not have PPD per se, talking to someone might help if she doesn’t seem receptive to your kind and gentle words.

I think part of the issue is she works in the medical field and has a lot of opinions based on the hard and fast opinions of her colleagues. I think there may be a little shame there for her because of this if she stops BFing, or some sort of obligation to keep going.


PP here - that is tough. Those opinions can be so crushing - feeling that you have to follow it. I was going to say in my last response for gods sake don’t send her to an LC for this exact reason. Maybe what you offer her is the opposite of the medical opinion - just the friend love. I see you working so hard to pump and feed and go go go. You are doing such a great job. If you ever wanted to just stop, as someone who loves you I say go for it. Nothing bad will happen. Would it lift a weight off your shoulders? That has value.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 10:00     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
First of all, find moments to compliment her mothering. I still have a very clear memory of being about to walk out the door with my first baby, saying "oh, wait he needs a hat!" and running back in to get one, and my mom saying "oh, you are such a good mom." So basic, so simple, and can really help her with her confidence.

Next - is she complaining (to you) or fretting about the fussiness? Then I think it's fine to say "you know who might have some good advice? A lactation consultant. They can come right to your house. I found mine really helpful." The first thing an LC is going to do is a weighted feed, so if you're right, they'll catch it.

If she's not complaining to you or asking you, and she's getting regular well-baby visits, the most I would do is report the facts. "I fed her 3oz from the bottle and she ate it all and then slept for two hours!" or whatever. Let the parents figure it out. I had a very fussy (borderline colic) first baby and lots of people gave me unsolicited advice about it and it was not helpful.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 09:59     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:An EBF baby readily takes a bottle? That seems unusual. Sure you're not making this whole thing up?


My son was ebf but would take a bottle readily in the first couple months (like when I had to go somewhere and would pump). He only got bottle refusal around 5 months old when I went back to work (and he got over it).

Could you suggest she take the baby for a weight check? A decent LC will do a weighted feed too.

I mostly EBF (struggled a bit in the first couple weeks) but I firmly believe fed is best.


2/3 of mine definitely would not touch a bottle until 6 months. There's a whole thing about bottle introduction because it's a known issue. If the mother has enough breastmilk to pump then what is the issue?


Pumping =/= nursing. A baby sometimes can't transfer milk from the breast. This is why some women have to exclusively pump.

Could this be what’s happening? She’s pumping quite often because she’s building up a supply before she heads back to work in two weeks. It just seems, honestly, like baby is BFing for comfort and maybe a little milk, but then waking herself up hungry again. She’s completely content after a bottle and sleeps for like two hours.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 09:56     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Mine turned yellow as he wasn't getting any food. Lost a pound. Not sure from where. Glad the doctor's appointment was at 2 weeks or he would not have made it.
I knew I had no milk. Everyone said the kid just didn't want to eat badly enough. I kid you not. I was crying, the kid was crying til he was too weak.
Then someone told us formula exists and can be used. It's not poison after all. Nobody sent me home from hospital with any formula. They said I had it in me.
Feed the kid. Nobody knows how much they get unless it's in the bottle.
Second kid, straight to formula. I had zero milk.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 09:56     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:An EBF baby readily takes a bottle? That seems unusual. Sure you're not making this whole thing up?


My son was ebf but would take a bottle readily in the first couple months (like when I had to go somewhere and would pump). He only got bottle refusal around 5 months old when I went back to work (and he got over it).

Could you suggest she take the baby for a weight check? A decent LC will do a weighted feed too.

I mostly EBF (struggled a bit in the first couple weeks) but I firmly believe fed is best.


2/3 of mine definitely would not touch a bottle until 6 months. There's a whole thing about bottle introduction because it's a known issue. If the mother has enough breastmilk to pump then what is the issue?


Pumping =/= nursing. A baby sometimes can't transfer milk from the breast. This is why some women have to exclusively pump.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 09:56     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:I think you are a relative (possibly mil or sil). No way a friend stays for 4-5 hours in a family with a newborn and check feeding schedule and diaper load

I’m done responding to you. I assure you I’m a friend who is giving my friends breaks to sleep.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 09:56     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:are you bottle feeding formula or breast milk

It’s breast milk


yeah but not from a breast. Big difference. I think you're not being real.

I’m not understanding what you’re saying? Mom pumps, I pour the milk into a bottle, baby drinks it all.


Nipple confusion. Isn't that obvious? This is why I don't believe you. Why is the mother pumping milk? Who else is feeding the baby?
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 09:55     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:An EBF baby readily takes a bottle? That seems unusual. Sure you're not making this whole thing up?


My son was ebf but would take a bottle readily in the first couple months (like when I had to go somewhere and would pump). He only got bottle refusal around 5 months old when I went back to work (and he got over it).

Could you suggest she take the baby for a weight check? A decent LC will do a weighted feed too.

I mostly EBF (struggled a bit in the first couple weeks) but I firmly believe fed is best.


2/3 of mine definitely would not touch a bottle until 6 months. There's a whole thing about bottle introduction because it's a known issue. If the mother has enough breastmilk to pump then what is the issue?
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 09:55     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:are you bottle feeding formula or breast milk

It’s breast milk


yeah but not from a breast. Big difference. I think you're not being real.

I’m not understanding what you’re saying? Mom pumps, I pour the milk into a bottle, baby drinks it all.