Anonymous
09/26/2025 09:58
Subject: Teacher is a jerk
This is hard. I subscribe to the philosophy that we need to teach our teenagers how to deal with jerks. But . . . I also don’t support paying for the privilege of learning to deal with jerks. There’s a big difference between a jerk coworker or boss and a jerky private school teacher.
Personally, I would start working some of those stories into casual conversations with the well-connected families at school (those who you know are a direct channel to administration) and the friendly teachers. Let them take it from there.
Personally, I would start working some of those stories into casual conversations with the well-connected families at school (those who you know are a direct channel to administration) and the friendly teachers. Let them take it from there.
Anonymous
09/25/2025 12:18
Subject: Teacher is a jerk
Do you have parent teacher conferences? If the teacher mentions your student is quiet in class, be prepared to tactfully respond that your child is nervous to ask questions or provide incorrect answers based on the feedback to some of his classmates. You can add you hope he gets more comfortable participating as time goes on. A good teacher will be open to speak a little about it in a conference. Either way, I would not be too confrontational as yes you don't want it to backfire.
You could also ask the school counselor how your child should deal with this teacher since the situation is causing anxiety. Then you are looking for a solution driven by your child, but also making sure school is aware. I assume they've heard it before.
And I totally get what you are saying. I have one child that would hate that style of teacher communication and one that would like it. It does suck, but in upper school is good college/job prep to work with people like that.
You could also ask the school counselor how your child should deal with this teacher since the situation is causing anxiety. Then you are looking for a solution driven by your child, but also making sure school is aware. I assume they've heard it before.
And I totally get what you are saying. I have one child that would hate that style of teacher communication and one that would like it. It does suck, but in upper school is good college/job prep to work with people like that.
Anonymous
09/21/2025 19:17
Subject: Teacher is a jerk
Anonymous wrote:Which school ?
Every school.
Anonymous
09/21/2025 19:14
Subject: Teacher is a jerk
People interpret behaviors indifferent ways, especially when it comes to sarcasm and humor. There are people we like, and we wonder why others don't, and people we dislike, and we wonder why other people do like them. We always feel like our own opinions are not subjective, but they almost always are.
We will always encounter people in our lives who we don't get or don't like. It is a life skill to learn how to deal with them (why are there so many books on how to deal with a "bad boss" that aren't actually about the boss?).
We may want to bubble wrap our kids and prevent them from learning this life skill, but absent actual abuse, which should always be reported (your kid saying the teacher is a jerk strongly suggests that it isn't), use it as a teachable moment. Talk about concrete behaviors (not conclusions like she's a jerk), your values about such behaviors, ways to respond -- or not respond to those behaviors, ways to reinterpret, ways to support others, ways to self-advocate.
We will always encounter people in our lives who we don't get or don't like. It is a life skill to learn how to deal with them (why are there so many books on how to deal with a "bad boss" that aren't actually about the boss?).
We may want to bubble wrap our kids and prevent them from learning this life skill, but absent actual abuse, which should always be reported (your kid saying the teacher is a jerk strongly suggests that it isn't), use it as a teachable moment. Talk about concrete behaviors (not conclusions like she's a jerk), your values about such behaviors, ways to respond -- or not respond to those behaviors, ways to reinterpret, ways to support others, ways to self-advocate.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 20:05
Subject: Teacher is a jerk
Anonymous wrote:My upper school son has a teacher who is just a complete jerk. Constantly sarcastic, rude, openly calls some questions dumb questions, etc. The thing that I can’t figure out is that he is very highly regarded at the school my admin and many other students/parents but it is not a good fit whatsoever for my son. Do I bother going to the school to complain or just tell my kid to keep his head down and tough it out?
Ignore unless the teacher is unfair or abusive to your kid.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 18:34
Subject: Re:Teacher is a jerk
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Teacher's answer:
1. Meet directly with the teacher and repeat what you have heard is happening. See if they will address it directly, put it context, apologize, lose their cool with you too, etc.
2. If that doesn't fix it, meet with the dean or director (if you are sure your facts are correct). Put it to them that this conduct is unacceptable and will create an image problem for the school.
3. If that doesn't fix it and you haven't applied out yet, see the head of school.
If they all tell you the conduct is fine as is, start looking elsewhere. Some otherwise elite-looking institutions have rotten corporate cultures and hire the same.
Any teacher who humiliates students needs their chain yanked hard to stop. It has no place in teaching outside a pre-1960 UK boarding school.[/quote
At what point do you believe it’s appropriate for students to deal with/manage teachers whom they don’t like without their parents managing it for them? Juniors? Seniors? College? Their first job? Are you going to meet with their very mean no good math teacher when they are 17? And escalate it!
You do your child no favor when you don’t let them advocate and figure difficult situations out for themselves.
An older, experienced teacher with a snarky attitude and apparent contempt for students to begin with meeting alone with a student is going to carve them up and have them for breakfast. The kid has zero leverage except his complaint, while the teacher has all kinds of institutional standing. Presumably, the school has backed him before against probably similar complaints. Can the kid prove anything that is said at this meeting later? Nope. Teacher gets the last word.
You can do the performative thing or try to get it fixed. If I were this teacher with his attitude, a kid coming in to fuss wouldn't even dent my facade.