Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 20:17     Subject: another “at what age” question- travel
Anonymous wrote:Well, DH has an intense provider complex, so we pay for adult kids and his parents anytime they visit. He does this at the cost of delaying his retirement well past the traditional age. I wish the kids and my in-laws would recognize the sacrifice and decline, but both seem more than pleased to take advantage.


I don’t buy that plane tickets are what is delaying retirement “well past” when he would otherwise be in a position to retire. If you’re not in a financial position to do so, be honest. You are expecting mind reading and saying someone who believes what their father/son tells them is “taking advantage”.

Are you the stepmother?
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 17:46     Subject: another “at what age” question- travel
Well, DH has an intense provider complex, so we pay for adult kids and his parents anytime they visit. He does this at the cost of delaying his retirement well past the traditional age. I wish the kids and my in-laws would recognize the sacrifice and decline, but both seem more than pleased to take advantage.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 17:43     Subject: another “at what age” question- travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't pay if it would put me into debt. I think it's fine to skip a year and kid can do their own thing.

But I'd also be seriously considering the decisions I made that $500 for my kid to fly home to see me will put me into debt. That's bad news.


I would hope that if I weren't able to afford to fly my kid home, I could just tell them "I can't afford to fly you home," and they would be much less judgmental than you about it.


This
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 17:22     Subject: another “at what age” question- travel
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't pay if it would put me into debt. I think it's fine to skip a year and kid can do their own thing.

But I'd also be seriously considering the decisions I made that $500 for my kid to fly home to see me will put me into debt. That's bad news.


I would hope that if I weren't able to afford to fly my kid home, I could just tell them "I can't afford to fly you home," and they would be much less judgmental than you about it.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 17:20     Subject: another “at what age” question- travel
I’d pay but tell them to come home and get a job and grad school.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 17:14     Subject: another “at what age” question- travel
I wouldn't pay if it would put me into debt. I think it's fine to skip a year and kid can do their own thing.

But I'd also be seriously considering the decisions I made that $500 for my kid to fly home to see me will put me into debt. That's bad news.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 17:07     Subject: Re:another “at what age” question- travel
People who love people do nice things for them. Generally speaking, parents have more money than their young adult children. Not always, of course. But if they do, it makes perfect sense to me that the parents would pay for the plane tickets until the kids are able to pay for themselves. There is no set age. I remember my parents asking each year "would you like us to get your ticket home for Christmas?" and I'd say "that would be great, thank you," until one year, I said "no thanks, I got this." No drama, no judgment, no passive aggressive messaging.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 17:00     Subject: another “at what age” question- travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would never stop paying to prove a point or because I disagree with their choices -- your OP reeks of judgment. If I couldn't afford it, then that's a conversation I'd have with my adult child -- but that's very different from saying, I don't approve of you dropping out of college so paying to have you come home isn't worth it to me.


This.

Parents spend decades devoting financial resources to building a family. Then to shut it off after graduation based on notions of adulthood? Sounds like tough love at best, conditional love at worst. Holidays are supposed to be happy times of connection. A long, cheerful Zoom call can do the job if either or both sides are financially strained.


A family isn't built out of money. What was built was entitlement and pursestrings.


It’s not less entitled to expect cash strapped young adults with minimum amount of annual leave to spend on their parents.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 10:45     Subject: another “at what age” question- travel
Anonymous wrote:When did you stop paying for adult offspring to fly home for thanksgiving? After 4 years of college if live elsewhere after college? If didn’t go to college, after HS if they moved away? Would you pay if meant credit card debt to do it for you if they went to college but after graduated decided to “take a break” (a/k/a not working and couch surfing or doing a barely get by job not in their major by their choice as turned down 5 and 6 figure offers)? What if they chose to drop out and in another state, would you pay for them to fly home for Thanksgiving? Curious when others without excess funds made the cutoff on travel?


Once they start earning enough money to make it affordable. However, if you yourself are financially struggling, you can stop after 21, by then they are adults and responsible for their own expenses. If they don't earn, its their problem to solve. That being said, once parents stop paying, most kids don't visit as often.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 10:05     Subject: another “at what age” question- travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would never stop paying to prove a point or because I disagree with their choices -- your OP reeks of judgment. If I couldn't afford it, then that's a conversation I'd have with my adult child -- but that's very different from saying, I don't approve of you dropping out of college so paying to have you come home isn't worth it to me.


This.

Parents spend decades devoting financial resources to building a family. Then to shut it off after graduation based on notions of adulthood? Sounds like tough love at best, conditional love at worst. Holidays are supposed to be happy times of connection. A long, cheerful Zoom call can do the job if either or both sides are financially strained.


A family isn't built out of money. What was built was entitlement and pursestrings.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 10:04     Subject: another “at what age” question- travel
Do they have a job? Then they pay. Or have Friendsgiving where they live. Land the chopper, mum.