Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is her decision, not yours. You are overly involved.

Honestly this. You can advise if she comes to you talk through it but insisting she stick to her plans denies her and opportunity for growth. She's in high school now and has to learn to navigate social situations on her own which includes her making some mistakes.
Flipping out about this ensures she won't want to discuss this stuff with you in the future.
And making boys the forbidden fruit just makes them all the more enticing.

Oh, so we teach them it's ok to ditch friends for boys? Shaking my head! It's no surprise so many of you are on here lamenting your lack of friendships!!

Anonymous wrote:This is her decision, not yours. You are overly involved.

Honestly this. You can advise if she comes to you talk through it but insisting she stick to her plans denies her and opportunity for growth. She's in high school now and has to learn to navigate social situations on her own which includes her making some mistakes.
Flipping out about this ensures she won't want to discuss this stuff with you in the future.
And making boys the forbidden fruit just makes them all the more enticing.

Make a group.

Sisters before misters.

Anonymous wrote:He brings another guy along -- a guy acceptable to your DD's friend. That's what's needed for your DD to say yes. And hopefully the friend will be reasonable because she'd likely get a choice of his friends - she certainly can say "yes" to one of them, to go as friends.

If your daughter's friend is not willing, she is being unreasonable.

Uh, no. Maybe her friend doesn't want to go with a guy.

He brings another guy along -- a guy acceptable to your DD's friend. That's what's needed for your DD to say yes. And hopefully the friend will be reasonable because she'd likely get a choice of his friends - she certainly can say "yes" to one of them, to go as friends.

If your daughter's friend is not willing, she is being unreasonable.

How is this a question? Of course she keeps her plans with her friend. Cardinal rule of life!

Dear Lord, OP, there is nothing to manage.

Your kid tells the boy what her plans are, so he knows. And then they can meet at the event, or if the friend is OK with it, he can fetch them at the house. It's not awkward in the least, because it's not as if your daughter has an established romantic relationship with this boy and was planning on watching the bluebirds fly out of his eyes for the entire duration! No. They can all enjoy themselves as friends. Indeed, it makes it less awkward. In the fullness of time, maybe this boy will become an actual boyfriend. Or not. This is not the important question right now.

My 15 year old's best friend is very extroverted and introduces her to many other friends, male and female. They all go out and do things as a group. They sit together at lunch, though the exact people vary every day because people have clubs and go to their teachers' office hours. But it's a loose group of friends, and some have romantic interests in each other.

You seem to think dating means a very specific set of behaviors and expectations, but you're wrong. These days it's more fluid than that.

Anonymous wrote:Downvote to idea of guy brings a cute friend. Don’t put that on DD’s friend. That is no favor. Either go with friend or drop her.

Agree. That whole idea is kind of gross.

Middle aged posters are being way too rigid and don't understand the social scene these days.

She keeps plans with her friend.
She meets the boy onsite and they all hang out as a group, as friends.
This is what my kids do with their friends, and what my friend's kids do as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s a big deal to change or evolve the plan.
What? Are we supposed to lock in our plans with friends on September 1? What if someone asks you, and you want to go with them on September 5?

Evolve the plan. Your dd should check in with her friend. They should choose 3-4 other friends, boys and girls, and see if group will go.

I’ve also taught my kids just bc you have a date, it’s ok to go with them but just check in with the date, back and forth. Hang with your friends, connect with the date briefly, etc.
It’s not like a 9th grade date (or whatever grade) needs to be extremely romantic and alone.

Wait? How is the other girl supposed to just manifest a date? No one has asked her. The OPs child will have a DATE. That’s different than a friend group of four. It’s not fair. She just goes with her friend and will see this boy there.

It's very common to have a group of X going to the dance. Within that group, there might be one or more "date" partners and some singles. It might be an odd number or an even number. It's unusual now for the entire group to be paired off into partners. This is especially true for freshman at HoCo when most kids aren't really dating. Three is always an awkward nubmer, but I think if they had 4 -- even if it were 3 girls and the one guy, that would be fine. Or just get a larger group together. She and her bestie can still get together first at the bestie's friend for makeup and hair or whatever.

This is her decision, not yours. You are overly involved.

Anonymous wrote:"I already made plans to go with Veronica. I'll see you there. If you want to hang out with us, you have to bring a cute friend for V."

Ugh -- not "a cute friend" -- that is not how teens work now and no guy wants to judge the cuteness of his friends. More like "If you have a friend and want to join us to go as a group, that might be fun -- I can check with Veronica." Kids now do tons of stuff as groups. Last year, my son and his girlfriend got together for pictures before the dance and went together, but then each went to grab food separately with their friend group after. And they are a serious couple. It's all more fluid and flexible than it was in the 80s/90s.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s a big deal to change or evolve the plan.
What? Are we supposed to lock in our plans with friends on September 1? What if someone asks you, and you want to go with them on September 5?

Evolve the plan. Your dd should check in with her friend. They should choose 3-4 other friends, boys and girls, and see if group will go.

I’ve also taught my kids just bc you have a date, it’s ok to go with them but just check in with the date, back and forth. Hang with your friends, connect with the date briefly, etc.
It’s not like a 9th grade date (or whatever grade) needs to be extremely romantic and alone.

Wait? How is the other girl supposed to just manifest a date? No one has asked her. The OPs child will have a DATE. That’s different than a friend group of four. It’s not fair. She just goes with her friend and will see this boy there.

I say 3-4 bc once you get a group going, it will naturally expand.
Have a core group such as your dd and friend decide who’s in and where the group has met its limit (oh there’s only 2 cars driving, can fit 8 kids max). Or whatever.

This way she can say yes to the original plan and to the new plan.

I don’t think it’s a big deal to change or evolve the plan.
What? Are we supposed to lock in our plans with friends on September 1? What if someone asks you, and you want to go with them on September 5?

Evolve the plan. Your dd should check in with her friend. They should choose 3-4 other friends, boys and girls, and see if group will go.

I’ve also taught my kids just bc you have a date, it’s ok to go with them but just check in with the date, back and forth. Hang with your friends, connect with the date briefly, etc.
It’s not like a 9th grade date (or whatever grade) needs to be extremely romantic and alone.