Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm French. My relatives drank wine at every meal except breakfast. Kids were allowed a sip.

I have never binged or gotten drunk in my life. I don't actually drink except a half glass at the Holidays. I have raised my kids the same way. Right now my oldest is studying in France and has gone with friends to wine-tastings and such. He's always the sober driver. My teen does not drink. Some people just aren't interested in alcohol, OP.

The kids who are interested will of course be at risk for all sorts of alcohol-related issues, and need more education on restraint, and consequences of not restraint. But it really depends on the kids you have. If they're intelligent and have natural control over their impulses it will be fine. If you have a very impulsive kid with a taste for alcohol... it's going to be difficult no matter what you do.
Since my kids are 20 and 15, I've seen all kinds of behavior in their circle of friends, and in my friends' kids. The parents have less control over it than they think they have.

Being French has nothing to do with it. France has plenty of drinks and boorish alcohol related behavior. You’re describing responsible drinking, not French drinking.

PP you replied to. You missed my point. France, like some other countries, has a drinking culture that is different than America's, for example in how young kids can legally drink alcohol (until recently, it was 16), and how much drinking exists around children. My school had little bottles of white and red wine for the teachers at lunch time, for example. My father always had 2 hour lunches with alcohol at work with his colleagues (he didn't drink, but others did). Wine is just worked into the fabric of society in a way that's different from here. So I do feel my nationality needs pointing out, because my children were never brought up in a house or family where alcohol was ever hidden, or seen as taboo. There was never excitement about doing something forbidden. They've just been told ever since they were little that it's not healthy. And since they don't particularly like the taste... they don't drink.

And yet, France has a similar alcoholism rate as the US. Your opinion doesn't seem to rely on objective review.

https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/alcoholism-by-country

Anonymous wrote:My parents were big drinkers (you might say alcoholic) and I was introduced to drinking very young, which was a huge error on their behalf, in my opinion.

I am in my late thirties and have a serious drinking problem but which is never QUITE bad enough, I always am able to keep it just within the realm of not entirely destructive and it’s really tiring. I haven’t gone a day without a drink in weeks and am going to white knuckle through today - I am horrendously hungover - and just work on getting through a week without taking any alcohol.

Addiction is an incredible albatross and I don’t wish it on anyone. I would speak seriously with my kids about the dark side of alcohol - mostly, it is a dark side - and encourage them continue to steer clear. You just don’t know if they have the addict gene.

I hope you are able to quit and keep those demons away. At least you recognize the problem. Please seek help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm French. My relatives drank wine at every meal except breakfast. Kids were allowed a sip.

I have never binged or gotten drunk in my life. I don't actually drink except a half glass at the Holidays. I have raised my kids the same way. Right now my oldest is studying in France and has gone with friends to wine-tastings and such. He's always the sober driver. My teen does not drink. Some people just aren't interested in alcohol, OP.

The kids who are interested will of course be at risk for all sorts of alcohol-related issues, and need more education on restraint, and consequences of not restraint. But it really depends on the kids you have. If they're intelligent and have natural control over their impulses it will be fine. If you have a very impulsive kid with a taste for alcohol... it's going to be difficult no matter what you do.
Since my kids are 20 and 15, I've seen all kinds of behavior in their circle of friends, and in my friends' kids. The parents have less control over it than they think they have.

Being French has nothing to do with it. France has plenty of drinks and boorish alcohol related behavior. You’re describing responsible drinking, not French drinking.

PP you replied to. You missed my point. France, like some other countries, has a drinking culture that is different than America's, for example in how young kids can legally drink alcohol (until recently, it was 16), and how much drinking exists around children. My school had little bottles of white and red wine for the teachers at lunch time, for example. My father always had 2 hour lunches with alcohol at work with his colleagues (he didn't drink, but others did). Wine is just worked into the fabric of society in a way that's different from here. So I do feel my nationality needs pointing out, because my children were never brought up in a house or family where alcohol was ever hidden, or seen as taboo. There was never excitement about doing something forbidden. They've just been told ever since they were little that it's not healthy. And since they don't particularly like the taste... they don't drink.

I was raised similarly in the US. A handful of relatives owned / operated bars. My parents were not big drinkers and neither were my sibling and I. I think of myself as a social drinker but my doctor told me I don’t fit the bill because I drink so little, like maybe, 3x a year. Would have a small, maybe shot glass worth of wine, at Easter or Christmas. Split a beer over fish and chips which we rarely had or a wine cooler for 4th of July when I was a high schooler. I didn’t always take advantage of the opportunity, and I never drank with friends in HS.

I was shocked by the drinking culture among certain groups in college. We were also close enough to Canada where the drinking age was 19.

Many friends and cousins who lived in strict no drinking households for teens secretly went wild in HS or thereafter. Then there were the kids who hosted parties with drinking (I didn’t hang out with them) and had parents who looked the other way. Many of those kids continued to drink a lot in college and some beyond unfortunately.

This is all anecdotal, of course. Maybe some families had good reason for being super strict (eg, propensity for addiction) but i think I had enough good exposure to responsible drinking — and seeing examples of what happens when it gets bad. Luckily for me, none of my immediate family had alcoholism.

Do your kids actually want to drink? I'm rather surprised that my kids and their friends have no interest and are actively against it, even now that they are over 21.

We drank way too much at their age.

I went to a Big 10 school in the mid-1990s and the drinking culture was huge. Keg parties every weekend, tailgating for football games, alcohol was everywhere and easy to get even underage. I didn't drink much before going to college--only one time late in my senior year of high school. I was an athlete in high school, had a part-time job, and was just not into the party scene. Also, my parents didn't drink and I knew there would be consequences if I got caught drinking underage. But all of that changed once I got to college. I probably went a little nuts at first having all of the freedom and access to alcohol and parties, but it never affected my grades. I was very disciplined when it came to my grades and attending class. I rarely drank during the week. I don't think my parents letting me have a drink before going to college would have changed anything, though. I know how I am, and I had to figure it out on my own.

While I do not intend to allow my kids to drink around me before they go to college, I will do a better job than my parents did about speaking to them about the dangers of alcohol and binge-drinking. My parents told me nothing other than "don't drink before you're 21" and "don't drink and drive."

I drank lots of beer for years. Eventually I realized a big part of it was I was just thirsty. If I drink a few glasses of water, I lose almost all my interest in beer.

Anonymous wrote:Your high school kids have had alcohol OP. Wait a few years and the stories will start to come out.

LMAO so true. Drugs too. Once the kids are grown and out, they will casually bring up misadventures in random conversation. Most won't talk about all the sex stuff they did, thank goodness.

Given a beer now and then as a kid.
Given own jug of red wine as a bday present. A nice Chianti. I mostly like the bottle. Drank some for dinner each night for about a week and then got tired of it. It turned to vinegar and I tried to keep drinking it. That didnt go over well, and didn't drink wine for a few years after that.

Snuck liqour out of family cabinets as a kid and teen now and then for special occasions.

Or had a random bum on the street buy us some and would give him a sawbuck for his help.

Kids who worked in restaurants would swipe us booze and sell it to the highest bidders.

Never got a taste for beer until my 20s-30s.

Probably had fewer than 20-30 drinks a year for decades due to excessively healthy lifestyle.

It only takes seeing a few drunk people a handful of times (key point: while sober!!!) for it to be a total turn off. I barely have drunk any alcohol my whole life. It just seems gross, stupid, and scary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm French. My relatives drank wine at every meal except breakfast. Kids were allowed a sip.

I have never binged or gotten drunk in my life. I don't actually drink except a half glass at the Holidays. I have raised my kids the same way. Right now my oldest is studying in France and has gone with friends to wine-tastings and such. He's always the sober driver. My teen does not drink. Some people just aren't interested in alcohol, OP.

The kids who are interested will of course be at risk for all sorts of alcohol-related issues, and need more education on restraint, and consequences of not restraint. But it really depends on the kids you have. If they're intelligent and have natural control over their impulses it will be fine. If you have a very impulsive kid with a taste for alcohol... it's going to be difficult no matter what you do.
Since my kids are 20 and 15, I've seen all kinds of behavior in their circle of friends, and in my friends' kids. The parents have less control over it than they think they have.

Being French has nothing to do with it. France has plenty of drinks and boorish alcohol related behavior. You’re describing responsible drinking, not French drinking.

PP you replied to. You missed my point. France, like some other countries, has a drinking culture that is different than America's, for example in how young kids can legally drink alcohol (until recently, it was 16), and how much drinking exists around children. My school had little bottles of white and red wine for the teachers at lunch time, for example. My father always had 2 hour lunches with alcohol at work with his colleagues (he didn't drink, but others did). Wine is just worked into the fabric of society in a way that's different from here. So I do feel my nationality needs pointing out, because my children were never brought up in a house or family where alcohol was ever hidden, or seen as taboo. There was never excitement about doing something forbidden. They've just been told ever since they were little that it's not healthy. And since they don't particularly like the taste... they don't drink.

You are describing a world from some decades ago. I'm northern European and grew up with that too. Professionals in France and elsewhere in western Europe don't drink like that anymore. No one serious about their career drinks at lunch today, even in France.

My parents were one drink before dinner types. My siblings and I were allowed sips of beer or wine as teens. None of us drank until college. None of us are alcoholics.

Just talk to them. Don't drink with them. Don't act as if you condone underage drinking. Be blunt and feel free to be judgmental about alcohol use. Believe it or not, your young adults still respect your opinion, so don't send them the wrong message.

Your high school kids have had alcohol OP. Wait a few years and the stories will start to come out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm French. My relatives drank wine at every meal except breakfast. Kids were allowed a sip.

I have never binged or gotten drunk in my life. I don't actually drink except a half glass at the Holidays. I have raised my kids the same way. Right now my oldest is studying in France and has gone with friends to wine-tastings and such. He's always the sober driver. My teen does not drink. Some people just aren't interested in alcohol, OP.

The kids who are interested will of course be at risk for all sorts of alcohol-related issues, and need more education on restraint, and consequences of not restraint. But it really depends on the kids you have. If they're intelligent and have natural control over their impulses it will be fine. If you have a very impulsive kid with a taste for alcohol... it's going to be difficult no matter what you do.
Since my kids are 20 and 15, I've seen all kinds of behavior in their circle of friends, and in my friends' kids. The parents have less control over it than they think they have.

Being French has nothing to do with it. France has plenty of drinks and boorish alcohol related behavior. You’re describing responsible drinking, not French drinking.

PP you replied to. You missed my point. France, like some other countries, has a drinking culture that is different than America's, for example in how young kids can legally drink alcohol (until recently, it was 16), and how much drinking exists around children. My school had little bottles of white and red wine for the teachers at lunch time, for example. My father always had 2 hour lunches with alcohol at work with his colleagues (he didn't drink, but others did). Wine is just worked into the fabric of society in a way that's different from here. So I do feel my nationality needs pointing out, because my children were never brought up in a house or family where alcohol was ever hidden, or seen as taboo. There was never excitement about doing something forbidden. They've just been told ever since they were little that it's not healthy. And since they don't particularly like the taste... they don't drink.

Anonymous wrote:I'm French. My relatives drank wine at every meal except breakfast. Kids were allowed a sip.

I have never binged or gotten drunk in my life. I don't actually drink except a half glass at the Holidays. I have raised my kids the same way. Right now my oldest is studying in France and has gone with friends to wine-tastings and such. He's always the sober driver. My teen does not drink. Some people just aren't interested in alcohol, OP.

The kids who are interested will of course be at risk for all sorts of alcohol-related issues, and need more education on restraint, and consequences of not restraint. But it really depends on the kids you have. If they're intelligent and have natural control over their impulses it will be fine. If you have a very impulsive kid with a taste for alcohol... it's going to be difficult no matter what you do.
Since my kids are 20 and 15, I've seen all kinds of behavior in their circle of friends, and in my friends' kids. The parents have less control over it than they think they have.

Being French has nothing to do with it. France has plenty of drinks and boorish alcohol related behavior. You’re describing responsible drinking, not French drinking.

I went to MCPS when the drinking age was 18. We had keg parties as 18 year old seniors in high school and went into Georgetown on the weekends. Point being, most of us had 1 or 2 drinks and were not willing to hang out with anyone who would drink to excess. OP, your responsible-enough college freshmen will be roughly the same responsible kid they are now. I don't think you should feel you have a role here.