I too suggest looking into autism/ADHD, borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder. But I would also like to add histrionic personality disorder and cyclothymic disorder (mild bipolar) to the list. It sounds it could be one or more of those conditions.

I have had similar feelings... I often wondered if I was borderline but it seems to be more of attachment issues. Look into therapist that specializes in attachment issues / anxious attachment. Maybe even just a consultation to see their thoughts. It can be overcome but took me a few years. Check out the Personal Development School online (you as the parent) to see if you think it may be helpful. It helped me a lot. Also meditation/spirituality helped me a lot. Best wishes.

That was me as a teen. I thought if things weren't perfect that I should just give up and not try any longer. From about the age of 9 or 10, I had a set way that I wanted my life to be, where I'd go to high school and university, what career I'd have, what type of person i'd marry, how much money i'd make, etc. As I went through middle/HS obviously some what I wanted changed as I grew, but I still wanted everything to be perfect and go exactly how I wanted it. I didn't feel the need for admiration or praise though or feel like I needed to end my life. By the time I was around 15-16 as I went through typical teen challenges (didn't get hired at a PT Job, broke up with BF,) , I realized that a lot of my expectations for my life were unrealistic.

I struggled accepting that for a little while, but my parents helped me understand that I couldn't just give up. My life now is great, I went to a great university, have a career, got married, and now have four beautiful daughters. But, sometimes I do still feel lack of fulfillment knowing that some of my childhood aspirations have not come true even though they were immature/unrealistic. I'm sure this isn't an uncommon experience so I'd say the best thing you can do is to just be supportive, validate her feelings, and some CBT can be very helpful.

Borderline and/or bipolar disorder?

Has she ever had a neuropsychological evaluation? It's a very comprehensive evaluation.

It's possible to have a combination of mental health disorders. For example, autism usually comes with anxiety and ADHD built in. Autistic people tend to be extremely rigid in their mental make-up, and not tolerate things that confuse them or go outside of the boundaries they have set for their lives.

I say this because your daughter appears to have the mental rigidity of autism, even though in other regards she may not present as autistic (in social aspects, for example).

She also appears to have very little emotional control, which is common in some autism presentations.

DBT and meds might help, but the reality is that you can only do so much.

I would explore that before exploring borderline personality disorder.