You've never messed up as a parent? Made a mistake? That's what this is. You're completely overreacting. You've lost all trust in him to keep your kid safe because of one incident?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. These responses are all pretty wild and not at all what I expected. I'm sure I'll get further flamed, but a few things:

- I haven't done anything other than post here. I did not respond to DH's text at all. He called me to check in, because he happened to have phone reception.

- DS was involved and packed his own stuff. I think it's reasonable to check to make sure that a 9 y.o. has packed correctly before leaving on a trip.

- We're in the process of transitioning default parenting to DH. I work FT at a very demanding job now, and DH consults ~10hr/week. When I handled all the household and kid stuff, I also worked FT.

- The reason this is so concerning to me is that it's a camping trip, and it is a big deal to forget an essential item (which warm clothing counts as). DH knows this. He wants to start taking our older kid backcountry skiing this winter, which has the added complexity of managing avalanche safety. I trust DH to be able to teach our kids what they need to know when they our out on the mountain, but right now I don't feel like I can trust him to ensure they set out with the right gear...which means either this is going to be on me or I'm going to be the bad guy who has to say no.

- I'm home this weekend with DD who has her first GS meeting of the year. They need a bunch of forms, and I even reminded DH to fill them out before he left. Of course, he didn't.

Of course.

“Why isn’t he perfect yet?? I was when I started!!”

OP here. These responses are all pretty wild and not at all what I expected. I'm sure I'll get further flamed, but a few things:

- I haven't done anything other than post here. I did not respond to DH's text at all. He called me to check in, because he happened to have phone reception.

- DS was involved and packed his own stuff. I think it's reasonable to check to make sure that a 9 y.o. has packed correctly before leaving on a trip.

- We're in the process of transitioning default parenting to DH. I work FT at a very demanding job now, and DH consults ~10hr/week. When I handled all the household and kid stuff, I also worked FT.

- The reason this is so concerning to me is that it's a camping trip, and it is a big deal to forget an essential item (which warm clothing counts as). DH knows this. He wants to start taking our older kid backcountry skiing this winter, which has the added complexity of managing avalanche safety. I trust DH to be able to teach our kids what they need to know when they our out on the mountain, but right now I don't feel like I can trust him to ensure they set out with the right gear...which means either this is going to be on me or I'm going to be the bad guy who has to say no.

- I'm home this weekend with DD who has her first GS meeting of the year. They need a bunch of forms, and I even reminded DH to fill them out before he left. Of course, he didn't.

Ok maybe I'm the only one who thinks OP is completely overreacting. At 9, your kid should be involved in the process. All you're doing is raising someone like the person youre complaining about here. Your DH messaged you not to blame you or ask you to fix it, right? Was just a text. He then solved it by giving him his long sleeve shirt.

Look I get being annoyed but your response just seems so over the top.

So they both learn the lesson at very little cost. Your DH is not ruining your 9 yr old. And agree with a PP: if you were actually the default parent on this, you would have checked the packing. You aren’t so you have to accept that the default parent will do things differently than you would and will make mistakes just like you did. Enjoy the freedom.

My husband would do the same. Pre kids we took a day trip to Philly in the middle of December- as soon as we parked we he realized he didn't bring a jacket and blamed me for not reminding him. Didn't cross my mind to tell a grown adult to wear a jacket in December any more than it would have to tell him to wear underwear or shoes.

We are both guilty of forgetting to replace used diapers/spare outfits in diaper bag.

As the default parent you would have double checked everything. You are the checked out parent who complains.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably not a good idea to treat DH in a way you would not want him to treat you.

??

Putting him down, ranting, blaming, etc., etc.

OP here. I've done none of these things. He sent me a text that irritated me. I vented here rather than sending a response.

Good. Keep it up. As I said, it’s not a good idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom and the default parent. I have forgotten jackets, water bottles, snacks, sunscreen, etc in my many years of parenting. It happens. I would not text my husband and alert him to my failure. That was your husband's mistake. The kid is alive and probably having a great time. Some mom packed too much and your kid is now wearing the extra jacket. Relax and give your husband -who is on a weekend camping trip with your kid that he packed for - a break.

DH found some reception and actually called me, so I know that DS is fine. He is using DH's long sleeved clothes.

The reason this situation is so irritating to me, though, is that DH and I both take outdoor activities and wilderness safety very seriously. Pre-kids, we were avid backpackers, climbers, and even mountaineers. He took a gap semester in college to do an international NOLS trip, and he was a camp counselor. I've been certified as a W-EMT. For ourselves, we both take things like the 10 essentials (which include extra warm clothes) very seriously. Our kids are in Scouts, partially to help reinforce these things. Even for day trips, we pack these things to build good habits.

For sure DH would never leave extra layers out of his own pack for a camping trip. The fact that he allowed DS to do so just demonstrates how little responsibility he feels for ensuring DS learns these lessons.

I get it, OP. He isn’t going into this naively as a first time outdoors dad. So by not having what he needed he’s actively choosing not to use his mental energy and the skills and knowledge he actually has to do this task. It’s gross.

I’m a Girl Scout leader and there are certain items I have to see before we pack the truck. And the kid has to show us the stuff. And we do many practice runs before hand. By the time the girls are 8 they are not missing items. Extra stuffed animals are still a persistent problem but they get weeded out and sent home at the parking lot where we meet up before departure.

This is on your DH and your kid. I’m annoyed for you.

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom and the default parent. I have forgotten jackets, water bottles, snacks, sunscreen, etc in my many years of parenting. It happens. I would not text my husband and alert him to my failure. That was your husband's mistake. The kid is alive and probably having a great time. Some mom packed too much and your kid is now wearing the extra jacket. Relax and give your husband -who is on a weekend camping trip with your kid that he packed for - a break.

DH found some reception and actually called me, so I know that DS is fine. He is using DH's long sleeved clothes.

The reason this situation is so irritating to me, though, is that DH and I both take outdoor activities and wilderness safety very seriously. Pre-kids, we were avid backpackers, climbers, and even mountaineers. He took a gap semester in college to do an international NOLS trip, and he was a camp counselor. I've been certified as a W-EMT. For ourselves, we both take things like the 10 essentials (which include extra warm clothes) very seriously. Our kids are in Scouts, partially to help reinforce these things. Even for day trips, we pack these things to build good habits.

For sure DH would never leave extra layers out of his own pack for a camping trip. The fact that he allowed DS to do so just demonstrates how little responsibility he feels for ensuring DS learns these lessons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably not a good idea to treat DH in a way you would not want him to treat you.

??

Putting him down, ranting, blaming, etc., etc.

OP here. I've done none of these things. He sent me a text that irritated me. I vented here rather than sending a response.

I’m the default parent and I mess up sometimes. If your husband is generally doing a good job with the kids, appreciate that and try not to micromanage.

I’m the default parent and while I do a LOT more for our kids than DH, my husband doesn’t usually criticize how I do things nor do I think he fully realizes how much a default parent does on a never ending basis.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably not a good idea to treat DH in a way you would not want him to treat you.

??

Putting him down, ranting, blaming, etc., etc.

Anonymous wrote:Probably not a good idea to treat DH in a way you would not want him to treat you.

??