Anonymous
Post 09/13/2025 23:17     Subject: Memorial service attire
I can’t remember a single outfit, beyond my own, that people wore to my father’s funeral. But I remember who was there and the kind words they shared with me.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2025 22:49     Subject: Memorial service attire
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if you are even considering the question, you will be fine. Some people show up in jeans, etc.

And some people prefer color! My mom is very ill and I was just considering this situation - she loves color and pattern and it would not be disrespectful to wear color or pattern in her memory. Sometimes people have suggestions in the service info. But when in doubt, sedate is the way to go.

When I had my father's memorial, it didn't bother me in the slightest that people showed up in jeans. He had many community friends who I didn't know and it was just meaningful that they took the time to attend.

While I don't want a service for myself, if my kids plan one anyway, I would prefer everyone dress in as much color and prints as possible. I've attended services where families request this, and I liked the vibe over the black/dark mournful look.


You are right - I am the PP your replied to; the thing that matters is showing up.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2025 22:24     Subject: Memorial service attire
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s so hard when it’s a shock - as long as you wear something dark I don’t think it matters.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2025 21:39     Subject: Memorial service attire
Absolutely no one will care or judge you for what you and your girls wear, OP. Please don't ever listen to those who insist that you can ONLY wear black. Any subdued color is fine, even if there's a slight pattern.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2025 18:07     Subject: Memorial service attire
Anything muted is fine, even patterns. That said, have an outfit/ dress at the ready in your closets. Make it something you’d wear anyway.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2025 18:03     Subject: Re:Memorial service attire
I think what you are describing is fine. My dad died suddenly and I wore a loose black dress with tiny beige flowers on it and black flats. My mom wore a black and white patterned skirt/sweater outfit with black flats. Plenty of people showed up in solid dark colors, or subtle patterns, and some wore jeans. We were just grateful they came.

I am sorry for your loss.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2025 15:16     Subject: Memorial service attire
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if you are even considering the question, you will be fine. Some people show up in jeans, etc.

And some people prefer color! My mom is very ill and I was just considering this situation - she loves color and pattern and it would not be disrespectful to wear color or pattern in her memory. Sometimes people have suggestions in the service info. But when in doubt, sedate is the way to go.

When I had my father's memorial, it didn't bother me in the slightest that people showed up in jeans. He had many community friends who I didn't know and it was just meaningful that they took the time to attend.

While I don't want a service for myself, if my kids plan one anyway, I would prefer everyone dress in as much color and prints as possible. I've attended services where families request this, and I liked the vibe over the black/dark mournful look.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2025 15:10     Subject: Memorial service attire
Honestly, if you are even considering the question, you will be fine. Some people show up in jeans, etc.

And some people prefer color! My mom is very ill and I was just considering this situation - she loves color and pattern and it would not be disrespectful to wear color or pattern in her memory. Sometimes people have suggestions in the service info. But when in doubt, sedate is the way to go.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2025 14:52     Subject: Memorial service attire
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Went to a Korean funeral and my friend in a dark blue suit looked completely out of place. However for an American funeral I think it’s fine as long as the overall color theme is darker.


The mourners don’t care. (As someone who recently had a close family member pass and had people apologize about their clothed).


And OP, it sounds like you might the close mourner here. Here is my advice. Make it super easy on yourself and daughters. If you plan to say words, focus on that.