He didn’t do anything wrong. Sex is the most important part of a relationship and you left that behind. He properly separated and found someone.

OMG OP

No. Just, no. Do not contact the new GF. No.

And do not force your kids to be your confidantes. Keep them out of it.

Definitely call the girlfriend, but gimme a sec. Gonna put some popcorn in first. I'm here for it.

I think its ok to say "I was surprised as you are" when the kids ask...fine to give credit where credit is due not that this was some joint decision. But no not call the gf

OP, I think you have some issues of your own. It does not sound like you took seriously the issues in your marriage. It sounds like you just took it for granted that he was going to stay forever, no matter what. I don't know if he cheated or not, but this was clearly not a happy marriage. Your kids are adults and he has no obligation to stay with you forever just because, especially if you were just expecting him to suck it up if your bedroom was dead and you fought a lot!

Spend a little time asking yourself if you share the responsibility for the collapse of your marriage.

And do not involve his new GF. You are not her problem. She will think you are a stalker. And you are not your kids' problem. Handle your own issues like an adult. If you are angry at your STBX, tell him about it. Keep everyone else out of it. Bitterness and rage are not going to win you any new friends.

Your sister is 100% correct!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I should tell our kids exactly what their dad has been doing

This calmly. In a sentence or two. Once. The truth. Contacting the GF, no. Absolutely no.

No. You don't actually know if he cheated or not, so don't say he did when you don't know. Be the grown up. Keep the kids out of it. "Your dad wanted something different. I don't fully understand it and to be honest I feel angry and betrayed that he left and seemed to start a new relationship so quickly." That is the absolute most you should say to your kids.

Your DH's departure is hurting you. Don't spread the pain to your children.

Op should not explain what her husband is doing to their children. He should talk to his children about his actions. It’s not on op to explain or lie for her stbx. He’s an adult, he’s making his own decisions, he can talk to his kids.

The gf isn’t going to tell you the truth either.

She’s dating a married man who hasn’t even filed for divorce yet. She’s either also being lied to by your husband, or doesn’t care and is crazy.

You also need to keep in mind that your kids’ reactions might not be exactly what you expect, OP. Your STBX may be telling them his side of the story and they might also have their own opinions based on your family dynamics during all these years. They might actually end up being friendly with the new partner.
Don’t wreck your relationship with them because of your hurt over their father’s behavior towards you.

Your anger is misplaced, OP. The fault is 100% with your STBX and you have to accept that he’s left. What difference does it make if he was having an affair beforehand and what do you hope to accomplish by confronting the girlfriend? The man doesn’t want to be with you so don’t waste your time on him. Figure out how to move forward now.

Anonymous wrote:

I should tell our kids exactly what their dad has been doing

This calmly. In a sentence or two. Once. The truth. Contacting the GF, no. Absolutely no.

No. You don't actually know if he cheated or not, so don't say he did when you don't know. Be the grown up. Keep the kids out of it. "Your dad wanted something different. I don't fully understand it and to be honest I feel angry and betrayed that he left and seemed to start a new relationship so quickly." That is the absolute most you should say to your kids.

Your DH's departure is hurting you. Don't spread the pain to your children.

Anonymous wrote:Confronting her won't get you the result you want, and might make things worse. File for divorce based on adultery, take half of everything he's got, and live your best life. When she realizes he doesn't have the big bucks she thought he had, she'll move on and you can give him the cold shoulder

Most states have no fault divorce and adultery is not relevant. In any case, sounds like OP has no proof, just suspicion. And is some kind of knock down drag out court fight going to make her happy? Or make her kids happy?

OP, accept that for whatever reason, good or bad, your DH has left you and it is time to get divorced. Feel free to quietly hate his guts. But for everyone's sake, be courteous, try to work out an amicable and fair financial arrangement, don't be a stalker with his new GF, and keep your kids out of it.

You will not hurt him by doing this. You will just make yourself look like a crazy bisch. Following which, everyone (including your kids) will be like "well, Dad shouldn't have cheated, but no wonder..."

Play it cool. Be hurt, sure, but not martyred. Time to move on. Always be the bigger person and you win.

This is the time to practice radical patience. PPs are right, kids will 100% figure this out and STBX will have to explain and deal with the fallout. I LOVE idea of watching you rip off his limbs, but the life ramifications he's about to experience are best served in due time. And you can watch, smirk and be the bigger person in your family at a date that will surely come.

I should tell our kids exactly what their dad has been doing

This calmly. In a sentence or two. Once. The truth. Contacting the GF, no. Absolutely no.