Retired attorney here. Unfortunately a lot of men (and some women but mostly men) have to take 2 to 3 jobs to afford child support and alimony. We can argue about the need to "maintain the pre-divorce lifestyle" all day long, but in practice it is rarely the case. Often the payer of child support and alimony ends up with a lower standard of living.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep looking and don’t get discouraged, OP. You didn’t meet the expectations of this one particular woman. It doesn’t mean there’s no one else out there for you.

OP here. Thanks for the kind words. To be honest I am done. If I do get a better job perhaps I can date again. But it also makes me wonder how much of my value as a person is tied to the money I make. If I didn't struggle I would have had more time for her. But then what if I was doing well financially and lose my job, would she leave me then? I know I am rambling but I am just questioning what people value in me.

People value stability. Your money isn’t stable, your time isn’t stable, your work isn’t stable.

Anonymous wrote:The responses are very very interesting I must say. When men say that their value has to do a lot with the money they make, women push back. But when a man says a woman broke up with with over that they say oh that's normal he is too broke to date.

Which is it ladies?

Well, it sounds like he's choosing to drive Uber so that he can max his 401k and Roth. And that's fine. But she's looking for someone who would choose to spend time on a relationship instead. He's not broke at all. He's just choosing work time over relationship time.

He also sounds totally boring. Just hang around the house together weeknights? That's not very appealing. At least you can go for a walk together, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses are very very interesting I must say. When men say that their value has to do a lot with the money they make, women push back. But when a man says a woman broke up with with over that they say oh that's normal he is too broke to date.

Which is it ladies?

I don’t see this person is too broke to date. I see this person is having to be so focused on their income that they’re not really available.

+100. He is not broke. He is going extra gigs not to go into debt. Broke people can't save for retirement. Broke people are behind on child support payment. Broke people can't have 50/50. Broke people are sometimes unemployed or under employed.

OP is not broke. OP is avoiding debt. Good for him. No woman in this universe is worth him sacrificing his money making time for her.

OP let her find someone else. And she is getting child support too? So she must be broke AF. She is probably one of those working one of those "I want to make a difference" low paying non profit job and now b***g about a guy willing to work extra hours to support his kids.

If you weren't supporting your kids the same women calling you broke will be throwing insults at you instead. Don't pay attention to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman in a similar situation - financially struggling (but because ex doesn’t pay adequate support and sometimes doesn’t pay at all).

The bottom line is that I don’t date, and I won’t date until I am in a better position financially. First, any money I have to spend on dating needs to go to my kids. Second, any time and effort I would have for dating needs to be spent on my kids and on me getting in a better career position. I have a side gig (not driving Uber), and a side gig is not a long term solution.

You don’t mention what kind and how much custody you have. If you don’t have your kids 50/50 and don’t spend substantial quality time with your kids, that is a red flag for anyone you date.

We have 50/50 week on week off. I work from home. I see her every day during the week I don't have my kids. She comes after work and we are together until 9 PM or so then I head out drive a bit come back..and then I leave again around 5 am.

It's fine. I don't have to date to be happy. I just thought she would understanding because she gets child support and her ex husband isn't exactly wealthy either.

Sounds like she found you kind of boring tbh. You can't come up with anything to do low-cost in the evening?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman in a similar situation - financially struggling (but because ex doesn’t pay adequate support and sometimes doesn’t pay at all).

The bottom line is that I don’t date, and I won’t date until I am in a better position financially. First, any money I have to spend on dating needs to go to my kids. Second, any time and effort I would have for dating needs to be spent on my kids and on me getting in a better career position. I have a side gig (not driving Uber), and a side gig is not a long term solution.

You don’t mention what kind and how much custody you have. If you don’t have your kids 50/50 and don’t spend substantial quality time with your kids, that is a red flag for anyone you date.

We have 50/50 week on week off. I work from home. I see her every day during the week I don't have my kids. She comes after work and we are together until 9 PM or so then I head out drive a bit come back..and then I leave again around 5 am.

It's fine. I don't have to date to be happy. I just thought she would understanding because she gets child support and her ex husband isn't exactly wealthy either.

So you don’t really have time to do much. She comes and hangs out at your house for four hours?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should probably wait until you’re in a better place to start dating. I don’t mean that in a harmful way. It sounds like you were really struggling to make ends meet, and that doesn’t leave a lot left for you to have personal time. When I’m dating someone they need to have their own life outside of work and me.

How long have you been divorced?

OP here. Been divorced 2 years. I started dating 1 year post divorce. Yes I do struggle to make end meets. Uber does help me avoid going into debt. I am still maxing 401k and Roth. But 529 is essentially on pause as I can only put $200 in it.

Sounds like you need to choose dating vs maxing.

It's okay not to date. Why not put your time and energy into your kids or into getting a better job.

Anonymous wrote:The responses are very very interesting I must say. When men say that their value has to do a lot with the money they make, women push back. But when a man says a woman broke up with with over that they say oh that's normal he is too broke to date.

Which is it ladies?

I don’t see this person is too broke to date. I see this person is having to be so focused on their income that they’re not really available.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep looking and don’t get discouraged, OP. You didn’t meet the expectations of this one particular woman. It doesn’t mean there’s no one else out there for you.

OP here. Thanks for the kind words. To be honest I am done. If I do get a better job perhaps I can date again. But it also makes me wonder how much of my value as a person is tied to the money I make. If I didn't struggle I would have had more time for her. But then what if I was doing well financially and lose my job, would she leave me then? I know I am rambling but I am just questioning what people value in me.

Honestly, it’s less about you not making enough money it’s that so much of your time is dedicated to making money. How often are your kids with you? I would hope a chunk of your downtime is with them. Which is valid and understandable.

She said that there’s not enough time for her. We can really care for someone but if we’re only seeing them once every few weeks it’s not always enough to keep something going. She wants a partner and you’re not in that place in life. It’s not necessarily about your cash flow.

The responses are very very interesting I must say. When men say that their value has to do a lot with the money they make, women push back. But when a man says a woman broke up with with over that they say oh that's normal he is too broke to date.

Which is it ladies?

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman in a similar situation - financially struggling (but because ex doesn’t pay adequate support and sometimes doesn’t pay at all).

The bottom line is that I don’t date, and I won’t date until I am in a better position financially. First, any money I have to spend on dating needs to go to my kids. Second, any time and effort I would have for dating needs to be spent on my kids and on me getting in a better career position. I have a side gig (not driving Uber), and a side gig is not a long term solution.

You don’t mention what kind and how much custody you have. If you don’t have your kids 50/50 and don’t spend substantial quality time with your kids, that is a red flag for anyone you date.

We have 50/50 week on week off. I work from home. I see her every day during the week I don't have my kids. She comes after work and we are together until 9 PM or so then I head out drive a bit come back..and then I leave again around 5 am.

It's fine. I don't have to date to be happy. I just thought she would understanding because she gets child support and her ex husband isn't exactly wealthy either.

Anonymous wrote:Keep looking and don’t get discouraged, OP. You didn’t meet the expectations of this one particular woman. It doesn’t mean there’s no one else out there for you.

OP here. Thanks for the kind words. To be honest I am done. If I do get a better job perhaps I can date again. But it also makes me wonder how much of my value as a person is tied to the money I make. If I didn't struggle I would have had more time for her. But then what if I was doing well financially and lose my job, would she leave me then? I know I am rambling but I am just questioning what people value in me.

Troll

Anonymous wrote:You should probably wait until you’re in a better place to start dating. I don’t mean that in a harmful way. It sounds like you were really struggling to make ends meet, and that doesn’t leave a lot left for you to have personal time. When I’m dating someone they need to have their own life outside of work and me.

How long have you been divorced?

OP here. Been divorced 2 years. I started dating 1 year post divorce. Yes I do struggle to make end meets. Uber does help me avoid going into debt. I am still maxing 401k and Roth. But 529 is essentially on pause as I can only put $200 in it.

I'd break up over this issue, plus the fact that you sound broke. If she's reasonably attractive, she can do better.