Anonymous wrote:I would lower your expectations now as to their driving ability.

True. My DS and his GF, both of whom have ADHD, have had 5 accidents between the 2 of them in 2 years. It's financially painful.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice! DD isn't officially diagnosed yet because her pediatrician wants to wait and see. Would you say the teen years are easier or harder than the younger years? Would a teen be able to wake up in the morning with an alarm clock and get herself ready for and then to school with no parental involvement?

Op, your DD is very young, and ADHD presents so differently in different children.

I have 3 DDs, all with ADHD combined diagnosis. My oldest (12) and youngest (8) can get themselves ready independently, although need help getting out of bed. My oldest just started being independent last year, so I’ve been scaffolding a long time. My middle DD (10) still needs lots of support in the morning. She gets distracted by everything - she also is self-aware of it and feels bad but honestly can’t help it. My two older girls take stimulants, so they are pretty good during the day.

Socially, my oldest’s ADHD has had an impact (didnt regulate emotions well), but for my other two there hasn’t been an impact - they have lots of close friends.

Academically, they are all doing well but it was very hard to get them to do any stuff that requires rote memorization and concentration and is hard. Learning to read was really hard for my oldest and youngest, and memorizing math facts was/is hard for all of them - I have to push them to keep at it and learn them. But otherwise, they are very good students.

Anonymous wrote:I have a teen boy with ADHD but I work with families with girls with it too. I can say that it's going to look different for every kid. Also a lot depends on how well it's managed and the work you do in the earlier years.

+1

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice! DD isn't officially diagnosed yet because her pediatrician wants to wait and see. Would you say the teen years are easier or harder than the younger years? Would a teen be able to wake up in the morning with an alarm clock and get herself ready for and then to school with no parental involvement?

OP watch this video by Jessica McCabe. She was diagnosed with ADHD at age 12. Her YouTube channel is very instructive and her research team uses trustworthy sources. If you want to learn more about ADHD, I would recommend any of her videos.

How to (Actually) Get Out the Door on Time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rC3tG3lbrNM

I have a teen boy with ADHD but I work with families with girls with it too. I can say that it's going to look different for every kid. Also a lot depends on how well it's managed and the work you do in the earlier years.

DD HAS ADHD COMBINE TYPE
My daughter is a 17-year-old high school senior, and the road here has not been easy. She missed out on a real 7th-grade experience because of COVID, and her challenges in school started even earlier.

In elementary school, she had her ups and downs. She got in trouble a few times and even spoke with the principal, but I don’t think she ever received an official referral since she was on medication. I still remember looking back at her old journals from those years — her handwriting, her thoughts, her little reflections. They remind me that even though she struggled, she was just a kid trying to figure things out.

By middle school, the behavior started showing more. In 6th grade, she received a few referrals for not listening and acting out. By 8th grade, it grew to three disciplinary referrals, and high school only became tougher.

Freshman year, she failed Spanish because she didn’t do her work, and her test scores were low. She barely passed Biology and English with D’s, while her other grades were a mix of C’s, B’s, and A’s. Sophomore year was even harder. She stopped taking her medication because she hated how it made her feel, and her grades dropped sharply. She failed three classes and was suspended for fighting. She insisted it wasn’t really a fight, just joking around with a friend, but the school didn’t see it that way. She also picked up more referrals for skipping class and acting out. We grounded her, but it didn’t seem to get through.

High school also took a social toll. Because of her behavior and immaturity, she lost many friends along the way. Watching her struggle not just with academics, but also with friendships, has been one of the hardest parts as a parent.

Junior year showed some improvement. She was still getting referrals — for her phone, for being late, for small behavior issues — but it wasn’t as bad as before. Now, as a senior, she’s made a big decision: she started taking her medication again. She knows that if she wants to graduate, she needs to stay focused. It won’t be easy — she has to pass five classes this year to earn her diploma.

But here’s what I know: she’s smart enough. She’s capable enough. And most importantly, she’s starting to realize what’s at stake and what she has to do. Many of her teachers have been kind and supportive, always willing to give her another chance. My hope is that she can lean on that support, keep believing in herself, and finish strong. Her story hasn’t been simple, but I believe it can still have a hopeful ending.

OP here. Thanks for the advice! DD isn't officially diagnosed yet because her pediatrician wants to wait and see. Would you say the teen years are easier or harder than the younger years? Would a teen be able to wake up in the morning with an alarm clock and get herself ready for and then to school with no parental involvement?

Mine had typical teen snarkiness but was a straight A student who wasn’t a lot of trouble at home. She didn’t have more than a few typical teen social issues-feelings hurt in middle school here and there, etc. she maintained a stable friend group throughout school.

So much depends on their other strengths and challenges and their natural interests. Also, inattentive kids generally don’t have as much external criticism and negative feedback from teachers as hyperactive kids do so they don’t have that complication.

Of course response to medication and family’s bandwidth for scaffolding while skills are developing is another big variable. Good luck!

SO much good advice already given- probably the most useful and peaceful thread ever maybe? But I digress. Maybe it’s the adhd all around me. Either way, let me add something to be aware of- depending on your child and their age- but nobody and nothing prepared me for a VERY ADHD/working memory challenged child who got her period young. Even at 13 still not easy. Why is it so hard to find and use the trash can?????

I have a 14-year-old DS with inattentive ADHD. They lose things easily, although they are getting better at leaving equipment at practices because the coaches now make them pay. School performance is inconsistent—98% on a standardized test in one subject and 50% on another. I remain actively involved in monitoring their homework, though I want to let them learn from natural consequences, I also want them to move out and go to college someday! Team sports remain tough as they have a hard time with spatial awareness. Their coaches have described them as aloof and disengaged during some practices and games. Getting out the door in the morning is still very challenging. I think they'll be an okay driver, actually. Weird connection, but they are very good at sailing, and I think there will be a correlation. It's still tough to converse with them because they are usually talking about something else. They have a couple of good friends who accept them as they are and seem to be well-liked by their classmates, and plenty of interest from girls because they are charismatic, cute, and fun in a way that makes people want to relax and have a good time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Difficulty with having friends due to social skills and maturity gap. May mature slower (not that that's a bad thing) and gravitate to younger kids.

Executive functioning will be a challenge as academics increase and logistical complexity increases.

Agree with all the above.

(Signed, Mom with DD teen with adhd).

Yup. Mine is now a senior in college and all of this is now better but by no means totally gone.
Perhaps our biggest challenge was December- end of the semester when everything is due and DD would procrastinate herself into a state of high anxiety. The longer she put school work off, the more it built up, the more it built up, the more she just didn’t even know how to start digging out of the hole, leading to total breakdown.
We were lucky that the school worked with us. Otherwise, she may have never graduated from hs.

Anonymous wrote:Difficulty with having friends due to social skills and maturity gap. May mature slower (not that that's a bad thing) and gravitate to younger kids.

Executive functioning will be a challenge as academics increase and logistical complexity increases.

Assuming it’s not very severe, I wouldn’t expect lots of social struggles. Our DD is in the mix and always has been.

Would say the same thing for executive function. Yes, it’s challenging as academics increase, but I’m surprised by how many kids seem to struggle with this…I wouldn’t expect an impact on grades if not very severe and medicated. I think the biggest thing to teach in addition to organization habits is planning in advance, study strategies, and not taking on too many activities.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is 6 currently. She refuses to follow basic instructions like us telling her to brush her teeth, get dressed, and eat the breakfast we prepared, unless every step of the process is micromanaged. As in, the second you turn around, she stops getting dressed and does something else. I'm wondering how much longer she needs this level of micromanaging. Trying to get her to do something basic often turns into a huge argument.

My DD is 9 and still needs a lot of micromanagement in the morning getting ready for school and at night when getting ready for bed. Really, any time she has to do something she doesn’t want to do (clean her room or do her chores). There are also a lot of big feelings about getting ready in the morning. My DD is on medication which certainly helps. We also implemented a morning routine on a dry erase board listing all the things she needs to do in the morning before leaving for school. It helped reinforce what she has to do, but it doesn’t motivate her to do it. But some kids might find that motivating. We also tried using a timer and an analog clock to mark when she needs to have certain tasks done, but that didn’t make much of a difference for her either. Your child may respond better, though.

My DD likes music and podcasts so we let her listen to either while she’s getting dressed, cleaning her room, whatever her unpreferred task is. As long as she’s actually getting her task done, she can listen. This has worked well for us.

I also find that if I’m getting ready in the morning next to DD, she is better able to stay on task.

Unfortunately all of these require some amount of oversight or micromanagement but maybe some of these suggestions can help a bit.

Hi OP! this is a different story than you are asking for, but I thought it might provide some big picture hope. My husband who is now 35 had severe inattentive ADHD at age 5/6. He couldn't follow two step directions (like put on your socks then your shoes). He also has dyslexia and dysgraphia. He had a long and challenging journey with K-12, was a very very late reader, and took Adderall his whole life until around age 21. However, he graduated from high school with honors, attended UVA, graduated with an economics major, and is very successful in the tech industry now. He's also always had a close group of friends! I know this isn't always the case but wanted to provide some hope. Hang in there (from a mom with a likely ADHD 4 year old <3 )

My teen DD with ADHD has some health issues where she can only take meds on big test days. I've done everything I can to treat the ADHD without medication and the things that make a big difference are:
- organized space: daily cleanup of room (w/ DD), help pack bag the night before, daily meeting to go over assignments and emails
- healthy lifestyle: exercise, consistent bedtime and wakeup time, healthy food
Shared calendar (whiteboard, skylight, etc.)
It will get easier.